I hope he at least has the decency to find her a nice plot on the golf course (Not now, Jim)

Donald Trump’s sole remaining sister, Maryanne Trump Berry, died at 86, without a mention from her brother. I hope he at least has the decency to find her a nice plot on the golf course. —Jimmy Kimmel

“Tim Scott has suspended his campaign for president of the United States. But the announcement has really shaken up the race for fifth place.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Yeah, he knew it was the right decision when absolutely no one tried to talk him out of it.” — Jimmy Fallon

“South Carolina Senator Tim Scott announced that he has suspended his presidential campaign in a Fox News interview yesterday, and said he thinks the voters are telling him, ‘Not now, Tim.’ And I think he made the right call because half of them said, ‘Not now, Jim.’” — Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

It’s going to be soooo awkward when he runs into them in hell (Why are you mad about this but not this?)

Tim Scott has dropped out of the race, which means I can now confirm that Tim Scott was in the 2024 presidential race. —Stephen Colbert

One guy who will never drop out of the race even if he loses is Donald Trump. The former president pledged, in honor of veterans, to ‘root out the communists, Marxists, fascists and the radical left thugs who live like vermin within the confines of our country that lie and steal and cheat on elections and will do anything possible … to destroy America.’ If that chilling sentence rings a totalitarian bell, it’s because, as one historian pointed out, calling people ‘vermin’ was used effectively by Hitler and Mussolini. So he’s plagiarizing those guys. It’s going to be soooo awkward when he runs into them in hell. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Sometimes it's OK to just let go (Rat Czar)

April 2023

President Biden traveled to Ireland this week and is being called the most Irish president since Kennedy. And in fact, Biden has so much Irish blood that he doesn’t need a drink to slur his words. —Michael Che

Republican senator Tim Scott of South Carolina announced the launch of an exploratory committee for a 2024 presidential run. That name again is Tim Scott, as in Tim’s got no chance of being the nominee. —Michael Che

Two 81 year old women have traveled the world in 80 days after the Post Office lost their ashes. —Michael Che

Kathleen Corradi was announced as New York City’s first Rat Czar, a title that was formerly known as Ms. Staten Island. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Come with me, if you want to live (try a salad some time)

The FDA has approved a device for weight loss that sucks the food out of your stomach through an abdominal incision. Or, you could just try a salad some time. –Conan O’Brien

The latest polls show Hillary Clinton now leads Donald Trump by 12 points nationally. I guess she's getting some traction from her new slogan, "Come with me, if you want to live." –Seth Meyers

GOP Sen. Tim Scott yesterday walked out of a press scrum and hid on the Senate floor to avoid questions about Donald Trump. That's how much senators don't want to talk about Trump. They're actually showing up in the Senate. –Seth Meyers