Which answers the question: what's the only job worse than disposing of nuclear waste (every night is ladies night)

According to MSNBC Britney Spears recently hired a person to keep an eye on Kevin Federline 24 hours a day. Which answers the question: what's the only job worse than disposing of nuclear waste. --Conan O’Brien 5/4/2006

Bill Clinton's presidential library opened yesterday and it costs $7 to get in. On the bright side every night is ladies night. --Conan O’Brien 11/9/2004

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Jimmy Dore: SHOCKING Comments About Pre-Teen Britney Spears!

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What's the only job worse than disposing of nuclear waste? (and cross it deliberately)

Minnesota’s Mall of America has hired its first-ever black Santa Claus. Which sounds like a big deal until you realize that in Minnesota, I’m considered black. –Conan O’Brien

According to MSNBC Britney Spears recently hired a person to keep an eye on Kevin Federline 24 hours a day. Which answers the question: what's the only job worse than disposing of nuclear waste. --Conan O’Brien 5/4/2006

According to the latest poll California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s approval rating is down to 30%. After hearing this Arnold said I'm not gonna act all hurt and upset because I don't have that kind of range. --Conan O’Brien 11/10/2005

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

His advisors think this is the best way to bring his approval rating up (a woman not currently sleeping with her husband)

 

"Actually, both Britney Spears and Paris Hilton have now commented on the John McCain political ad. And both of them said, 'Who's John McCain?' So I don't know." --Jay Leno

"As you know President Bush is currently on vacation in Texas. He said he's going to try and do absolutely nothing for the next ten days. His advisors think this is the best way to bring his approval rating up. Just don't do anything." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton is furious at Ann Coulter for attacking the 9/11 widows. This is the maddest Hillary's ever been at a woman not currently sleeping with her husband." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What's the only job worse than disposing of nuclear waste? (defective bungee cords)

According to MSNBC Britney Spears recently hired a person to keep an eye on Kevin Federline 24 hours a day. Which answers the question: what's the only job worse than disposing of nuclear waste. --Conan O’Brien 5/4/2006

The oldest woman in Japan died at the age of one hundred fourteen. And as soon as the funeral is over the family plans to sue the makers of the defective bungee cord. --Conan O’Brien 4/5/2005

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That poor Ricky Martin. He just can't catch a break. (More power to the arm)

"The big immigration bill is dead for now. Some are saying the Republicans didn't really want this bill because it's really more useful for them to have a wedge issue of illegal aliens, the same way they had gay marriage in 2004. That poor Ricky Martin. He just can't catch a break." --Bill Maher

"Hillary's speeches may not be exciting, but, by God, every tired, cliched, coma-inducing word is original. Except that they're not, that's the thing. You know, politicians, they all steal. In her closing statement, she ripped off something that Bill Clinton used to say, and he got it from Kennedy, who got it from FDR, who got it from Lincoln, who got it from McCain. He's old." --Bill Maher

 

"There are some people who say, after they watched this debate, that Hillary was kind of conceding that the Clinton campaign realized that end times are near for them. I don't know, but I do know this -- today, she replaced her campaign manager with Britney Spears' father." --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I believe in English that translates to 'I am fat and I plan to eat most of you by November.' (This guy has been systematically terminating women named Sarah for many years now)

"Ted Kennedy is here. He's in East L.A. this morning campaigning for Obama. Apparently, I'm not kidding, Ted Kennedy is very popular in the Latino community, and here's why [on screen: Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-MA) speaking in Spanish]. My Spanish is not perfect, but I believe in English that translates to 'I am fat and I plan to eat most of you by November.'" --Jimmy Kimmel

"Governor Schwarzenegger is in a bit of a feud with former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin right now. They're fighting about global warming. Palin says it isn't proven. Schwarzenegger said she's 'living in the Stone Age.' And Palin really should know not to mess with Arnold Schwarzenegger. This guy has been systematically terminating women named Sarah for many years now." –Jimmy Kimmel

"It was an unplanned pregnancy, but the Palin's say their daughter will marry the young man. He's a fellow high school student of hers. His name is Levi Johnston. They even found his MySpace page, which they pulled down immediately, but before they did we found out that he's a 'f***ing redneck,' is what he said, and another quote from him, 'I don't want kids.' Remember when the Republicans compared Barack Obama to Britney Spears? Now they've got their own Jamie Lynn." --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump admitted he made the choice on an empty stomach (What's the only job worse than disposing of nuclear waste?)

For his secretary of labor, President-elect Donald Trump has picked an executive from the fast food restaurants Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s. Afterwards, Trump admitted he made the choice on an empty stomach. –Conan O’Brien

For the second year in a row, Johnny Depp has been named Forbes magazine’s Most Overpaid Actor. After hearing this, Nicolas Cage said, “What do I have to do?” –Conan O’Brien

According to MSNBC Britney Spears recently hired a person to keep an eye on Kevin Federline 24 hours a day. Which answers the question: what's the only job worse than disposing of nuclear waste. --Conan O’Brien 5/4/2006

The World Series starts this week. In an interview New York mayor Rudy Giuliani picked the Yankees in 7. And George W. Bush picked the Mets in 8. --Conan O’Brien 10/19/2000

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, I'm doing my part (Clueless)

"The Senate has rejected the gay marriage ban. When you think about it, do you really want Congress defining marriage? That's like asking Charlie Sheen to define monogamy." –Jay Leno

"California is having a lot of budget problems. In his budget talk speech yesterday, our own Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger says that California should be more like Arkansas. And today, Britney Spears' pregnant 16-year-old sister said, 'Hey, I'm doing my part.'" --Jay Leno

 

"I saw 'Clueless' on TV last night. Geraldine Ferraro? Anybody see that? Well, Geraldine Ferraro was forced to leave the Clinton campaign after saying that the only reason Barack Obama is winning is because he's black, and you know, hey, there's some truth to that. The only way you're gonna get elected president of this country is if you're a black guy. A rich old white guy? How many of those have we had?" --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Turns out it was his pastor (It pays like $5,000 an hour)

 

"As I'm sure you know by now, New York Governor Eliot Spitzer has admitted that he was involved in a prostitution ring. Now this is the same man who when he was attorney general went after the prostitution ring. So apparently, it was for not giving him good service." –Jay Leno

"Do you know what the highest paid government position in this country is? Anybody know? It is working under New York Governor Eliot Spitzer. It pays like $5,000 an hour." --Jay Leno

"President Bush also went on to say that Bear Stearns is just going through a tough time and victory's just around the corner. I don't want to say Wall Street is in financial trouble. You know who's in charge of Bear Stearns right now, you know who's running it? Britney Spears' dad." --Jay Leno

"As you know, yesterday, Barack Obama gave a big speech on race, and there was one heckler in the audience, who kept screaming crazy stuff the whole time. Turns out it was his pastor." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He said each decision had three options -- rock, paper and scissors (It's only a matter of time)

 

"You know what's amazing about Los Angeles? This city never fails to amaze me. Last week, Governor Schwarzenegger was in town. All the Republican candidates were here. All the Democratic candidates were here. All with secret service protection. And all put together, they still had less of a motorcade than Britney Spears going to the hospital." --Jay Leno

 

"Sarah Palin hasn't yet received an invitation to the Republican Convention. I don't think she should feel bad. A lot of Republicans aren't excited that Mitt Romney is going." –Jay Leno

"Donald Rumsfeld was in Vietnam this week. President Bush was supposed to go, but his dad got him out of it." --Jay Leno

"Former President George W. Bush is now writing a book about the 12 toughest decisions that he had to make as president. He said each decision had three options -- rock, paper and scissors." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Too bad Bush can't find bin Laden to thank him personally (These colors don't run into the building)

 

"Here's a little political fact. Dick Cheney is the first Vice President in eighty years not to run for president. Actually, Cheney did consider four more years, but his doctor only gave him two-and-a-half." --Jay Leno

"And earlier this week on the Internet, Paris Hilton posted her own ad to spoof the ad John McCain made about her. The McCain camp responded by saying that Paris Hilton supports McCain's approach to America's energy crisis. You know, how desperate is your presidential campaign when you have to try and convince people that Paris Hilton agrees with you? Personally, I'm not voting till I hear what Britney has to say." --Jay Leno

 

"President Bush says Osama bin Laden actually helped him defeat John Kerry in the election. Too bad Bush can't find bin Laden to thank him personally." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She just has to be Diddy Kong every single time! (Yo, let’s put this [expletive] on the Supreme Court)

September 2021

“Jamie Spears, her father, is vacating his daughter’s conservatorship to focus on his true passion, trying to jump an ATV over his aboveground pool.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“It has been 13 years since a court put her under a conservatorship, which means she can’t spend her own money, she can’t make her own career or medical decisions and she can’t even choose her own fighter in ‘Super Smash Bros.’ She just has to be Diddy Kong every single time!” — Trevor Noah

“And props to her fans for making this happen. Because you know who really was ahead of the curve? That ‘Leave Britney alone’ person. Yeah, at the time, we were like, ‘Whoa, that’s a little over the top!’ And now we’re like, ‘Yo, let’s put this [expletive] on the Supreme Court.’” — Trevor Noah

“I mean, Britney Spears is worth $60 million, yes — but she doesn’t need a conservator. You know who does? People with $60 billion. Those people are out of control. I mean, name one thing Britney has done that’s as wasteful and just, like, mindless as going into space in a giant penis.” — Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Maybe three ghosts will visit them in the middle of the night tonight (Man Tip #42)

February 2021

“House Democrats today concluded their impeachment case against former President Trump. ‘Well, you’ve given me plenty to not think about,’ said Rand Paul.” —Seth Meyers

“Yep, their presentation was so emotional and compelling that Republicans almost looked up from their phones.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Most of them are lost causes. Like Tom Cotton, Bill Hagerty — these guys, they would eat the hair out of Donald Trump’s shower drain. But a few of them, who knows? Maybe three ghosts will visit them in the middle of the night tonight.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Here’s the thing: if Americans cared as much about America as we do about Britney Spears, this would be a really great place to live.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Essentially they were using Trump’s own words against him. What they are arguing is that Trump — and I promise this is the only time you will hear me say this — knew what he was doing.” —James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

All we have to do is stand up and their little game is over (Britney's hair is growing back)

"George Bush is so hard up for good news, he called a press conference this morning to announce that Britney's hair is growing back." --Bill Maher

"Prosecutors announced yesterday that Karl Rove will not be charged with any crimes. The White House was pretty relieved. President Bush told Dick Cheney, 'You can cancel that hunting trip with Karl Rove.'" --Jay Leno

"British Prime Minister Tony Blair left office after 10 years today. President Bush was pretty upset. Although they told President Bush that Blair just went to live on a farm." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

blending in with the other Hawaiian Barack Hussein Obamas (the world's best laugh)

"After intense last minute negotiations, a deal was reached that will avoid a government shutdown. The Democrats and Republicans worked together on this one with one common goal ... to screw each other." –David Letterman

"President Obama says he misses being anonymous. You know, back when he could blend in with the other Hawaiian Barack Hussein Obamas." –Conan O'Brien

"The Pentagon announced that openly gay soldiers will begin serving this summer. When people asked why this summer, the Army said, 'Because 'Glee' will be in reruns.'" –Conan O'Brien 

"George Bush is so hard up for good news, he called a press conference this morning to announce that Britney's hair is growing back." --Bill Maher

"Bill Clinton is out there promoting his new book. In an interview, former President Bill Clinton says that most people don't know Hillary has the world's best laugh. Bill added, 'I get to hear it every time she pushes me down the stairs.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The previous record holder was heroin (Oops, I did it again)

"Britney Spears has been giving her support to Mel Gibson throughout the scandal, which is ironic because Mel's latest tape is called, 'Oops, I did it again.'" –Jay Leno

"President Obama and his family are going on vacation in the Gulf Coast next month. Of course, the Gulf Coast is a lovely place to sit back and relax — just ask BP." –Jimmy Fallon

"Starbucks' profits went up 37 percent in the third quarter of this year. They say they owe the increase to their new strategy of opening a Starbucks inside an existing Starbucks." –Jimmy Fallon

"Facebook now has 500 million users. The previous record holder was heroin." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Which answers the question what's the only job worse than disposing of nuclear waste (Who's my b*tch?)

Ken Jennings became the first person ever to win 1 million dollars on Jeopardy. He’s like a machine. You can tell that he's getting cocky because whenever he hears the name Alex Trebek he answers, “Who's my bitch?” --Conan O’Brien 7/14/2004

Barry Bonds was accidentally hit in the head with a baseball. Then afterwards Bonds said, “That's the second most painful shot I've had all day.” --Conan O’Brien 5/4/2006

According to MSNBC Britney Spears recently hired a person to keep an eye on Kevin Federline 24 hours a day. Which answers the question what's the only job worse than disposing of nuclear waste. --Conan O’Brien 5/4/2006

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He can now order his steroids by email (two extra hands)

Last night Britney Spears manager canceled Britney's concert in Cleveland because she got sick. And by sick he means there was a problem with the playback machine. --Conan O’Brien 4/2/2004

This week the San Francisco Giants announced that their ballpark is now a Wi-Fi hotspot and as a result fans can connect to the internet from anywhere in the stadium. Even better Barry Bonds can now order his steroids by email. --Conan O’Brien 4/2/2004

In the papers it's been reported that a woman in China who went in for a breast enlargement surgery ended up with two extra breasts. In a related story her husband wants to have surgery to give him two extra hands. --Conan O’Brien 4/2/2004

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

scientists conducted the study by looking out a window (A word to the 1%)

Britney Spears wrote a letter to Christina Aguilera in which she says he wants to end their ongoing feud. I'm not sure Britney's letter is gonna work because it starts out “Dear skank.” --Conan O’Brien 1/12/2005

According to a brand-new scientific study that just came out more than 90 percent of the diet plans used by Americans do not work. The American scientists conducted the study by looking out a window. --Conan O’Brien 1/11/2005

Pakistani officials said today that they are close to capturing Osama bin Laden's personal doctor. Not only that they're hot on the trail of his dentist and his Pilates instructor. --Conan O’Brien 3/19/2004

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”