she spends that much a month on ham (four of the five monsters)

Mattel is blaming tariffs for increasing the price of Barbie dolls and also crushing Ken's dreams of ever having genitals. —Greg Gutfeld

A 115 year-old British woman is now the world's oldest living person. Or as Joe Biden likes to call her jailbait. —Greg Gutfeld

The DHS claims self- deportation would be 70% cheaper for taxpayers. It currently costs over 17 grand to arrest detain and deport someone. While it would only cost $4,500 to self-deport. Hell, Joy Behar spends that much a month on ham. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I believe this is the first empty skull to come out of Yale, well, I think since George W. Bush (My lips are for blowing)

Okay, so it's Fashion Week and also it's the Westminster Kennel Club dog show at Madison Square Garden. So usually it's the New York Knicks who are the only thing that rolled over and played dead in there. --David Letterman 2/10/2003

"Do you folks know anything about the Skull And Bones society? It's like a fraternal organization, at Yale University. Well, they're auctioning off a human skull. And I was thinking about this. I believe this is the first empty skull to come out of Yale, well, I think since George W. Bush, actually." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

His advisors think this is the best way to bring his approval rating up (a woman not currently sleeping with her husband)

 

"Actually, both Britney Spears and Paris Hilton have now commented on the John McCain political ad. And both of them said, 'Who's John McCain?' So I don't know." --Jay Leno

"As you know President Bush is currently on vacation in Texas. He said he's going to try and do absolutely nothing for the next ten days. His advisors think this is the best way to bring his approval rating up. Just don't do anything." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton is furious at Ann Coulter for attacking the 9/11 widows. This is the maddest Hillary's ever been at a woman not currently sleeping with her husband." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I think since George W. Bush, actually (rolled over and played dead)

Okay, so it's Fashion Week and also it's the Westminster Kennel Club dog show at Madison Square Garden. So usually it's the New York Knicks who are the only thing that rolled over and played dead in there. --David Letterman 2/10/2003

"Do you folks know anything about the Skull And Bones society? It's like a fraternal organization, at Yale University. Well, they're auctioning off a human skull. And I was thinking about this. I believe this is the first empty skull to come out of Yale, well, I think since George W. Bush, actually." –David Letterman

"Sarah Palin is doing a lot of public speaking, and next week, she will be in Las Vegas speaking at a liquor convention. And what a coincidence, because I think McCain was drunk when he picked her." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I think since George W. Bush, actually (later he was ejected for head-butting)

"Do you folks know anything about the Skull And Bones society?

It's like a fraternal organization, at Yale University. Well, they're

auctioning off a human skull. And I was thinking about this. I

believe this is the first empty skull to come out of Yale, well,

I think since George W. Bush, actually." –David Letterman

"It's so hot today, George W. Bush told Al Roker to stop doing that [bleeped]. That's what President Bush said at the G-8 Summit. He was overheard using dirty language at the G-8 Summit and not only that, later he was ejected for head-butting." --David Letterman

"Next week Katie Couric begins as the anchor of the 'CBS Evening News.' Katie is the first solo female anchor. Pretty good if you don't count the two years Tom Brokaw worked in a skirt and heels." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

See what happens when the two parties put aside their principles and do what is best for them personally? (It's what they call a 'two-step' deal)

"We finally have a debt deal. See what happens when the two parties put aside their principles and do what is best for them personally?" –Jay Leno

"It's what they call a 'two-step' deal. It steps on the middle class and the lower class." –Jay Leno

"After two weeks in the theaters, the documentary about Sarah Palin called 'Undefeated' ...not doing well...barely made $100,000. I'm not saying Sarah Palin's movie is a bomb, but today Al Qaeda tried to take credit." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

There's a porn star named "Back Taxes." (armed and consistent)

As of this month, Michael Cohen reportedly now owes $280,000 to back taxes. Isn't that incredible? There's a porn star named "Back Taxes." --Conan O’Brien

In Florida, a man crashed his car, was found to be in possession of meth, then tried to flee the accident to get more meth. Police are describing the man as "armed and consistent." --Conan O’Brien

Yale University has taken back the honorary degree it gave Bill Cosby. It’s particularly embarrassing because it was a Ph.D. in chemistry. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It makes things too complicated at the rest stop (Some of the most prestigious a**hole factories in America)

"Lindsay Graham is running for reelection and his primary opponent publicly called him 'ambiguously gay." Republican politicians do not like ambiguously gay. It makes things too complicated at the rest stop." –Bill Maher

"Sarah Palin said perhaps the most irresponsible thing I've ever heard any politician say. She said, 'The only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke.' You think she realizes that nuking Russia might not be good for someone who can see Russia from her house?" –Bill Maher

Let's get right to the big story. Becky from Full House might go to jail for cheating her kids into college. I have shocking news for everyone here tonight. Rich people cheat and their kids are fucking stupid. 50 people have been charged in this massive scheme to bribe coaches and administration officials so their kids could get into elite colleges, and the schools involved we're talking about Yale, Stanford, Georgetown. Some of the most prestigious asshole factories in America. --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I believe this is the first empty skull to come out of Yale, well, I think since George W. Bush (We have got to do something about immigration)

"Sarah Palin is doing a lot of public speaking, and next week, she will be in Las Vegas speaking at a liquor convention. And what a coincidence, because I think John McCain was drunk when he picked her." –David Letterman

"Prince William and Kate Middleton are in New York City. We have got to do something about immigration." –David Letterman

"Do you folks know anything about the Skull And Bones society? It's like a fraternal organization, at Yale University. Well, they're auctioning off a human skull. And I was thinking about this. I believe this is the first empty skull to come out of Yale, well, I think since George W. Bush, actually." –David Letterman

 

"Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the Late Show. I need your help with this. Do you think it's too soon to hit on Mrs. Zarqawi?" --David Letterman

"It's Mardi Gras in New Orleans. Everybody has Mardi Gras fever. I was watching the 'Today' show earlier today and Tom Cruise was lecturing Matt Lauer about jambalaya." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She has more war stories than John McCain? (do you want the brushy brushy)

"I'm a little upset. You know, Hillary Clinton was supposed to be our first guest tonight, but she got pinned down by sniper fire and was not able to come in." --Jay Leno

"Who would've guessed that Hillary would have more war stories than John McCain?" --Jay Leno

"Well, you know, Hillary Clinton's campaign is now saying she misspoke. She misspoke -- that's like a political word -- when she said last week that she landed under sniper fire during a trip to Bosnia as first lady. Turns out, it was gunfire on a trip to L.A. See, she got confused." --Jay Leno

"I tell you, you know who's got to be depressed about all of this? Hillary Clinton. I mean, look at this woman. She works hard, goes to Wellesley, goes to Yale, graduates with honors, devotes her entire life to public service. Now she's starting to realize if she had just put on some makeup and shot a moose, she'd be on her way to the White House." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I ain't draft dodging, I ain't burning no flag (steampunk cowboy pirate/Oops-a-karma!)

November 2022

“We are celebrating the conviction of Stewart Rhodes, founder of the Oath Keepers, for seditious conspiracy. That’s a big one. That’s insurrection with a creamy treason center right there. Delicious.” —Stephen Colbert

“Rhodes faces a maximum of 60 years in prison. On the bright side, by 2082 the hip new look might be steampunk cowboy pirate.” —Stephen Colbert referring to Rhodes’s preferred fashion of bandanna, cowboy hat and eye patch

“Now when you hear the name Oath Keepers and that eye patch, it makes Rhodes sorta seem like a heroic freedom rebel. In reality, he’s a disbarred Yale law grad who wears an eyepatch after accidentally shooting himself in the face with his own gun. Oops-a-karma!” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She made a wish, and then deleted the candles (Straight A’s Academy!)

Hundreds of Harvard students staged a walkout this week in solidarity with university dining hall workers who are on strike. Said Harvard students, “You can’t take advantage of them just ’cause they went to Yale!” –Seth Meyers

Microsoft announced a free update to Windows today that allows users to take photos and edit them in 3D. Critics are calling it “the most exciting thing you’ll ever explain to your grandma.” –Seth Meyers

Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 69 today. She made a wish, and then deleted the candles. –Seth Meyers

A school in California is testing a new program that forgoes traditional teachers and has students teach and grade each other’s classwork. So good luck to the students at “Straight A’s Academy!” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Some of the most prestigious a**hole factories in America (It requires so little of your time)

Let's get right to the big story. Becky from Full House might go to jail for cheating her kids into college. I have shocking news for everyone here tonight. Rich people cheat and their kids are fucking stupid. 50 people have been charged in this massive scheme to bribe coaches and administration officials so their kids could get into elite colleges, and the schools involved we're talking about Yale, Stanford, Georgetown. Some of the most prestigious asshole factories in America. --Bill Maher

Beto O’Rourke just announced his candidacy for president. That makes 15 democrats running. Trump is already calling them a caravan. --Bill Maher

Not only is atheism not a religion, it's not even my hobby and that's the best thing about being an atheist. It requires so little of your time. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

which means the No. 1 threat to America is now the KFC Double Down (It’s particularly embarrassing because it was a Ph.D. in chemistry)

    

Yale University has taken back the honorary degree it gave Bill Cosby. It’s particularly embarrassing because it was a Ph.D. in chemistry. --Conan O’Brien

7-Eleven has announced they are going to be offering healthier options for their customers. The CEO said, "We want our customers to live to be as old as one of our hot dogs." --Conan O’Brien

"One of  President Bush's closest advisers said that Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee is going to have trouble getting elected 'cause his last name is Huckabee. He said the only way it could be worse is if his name was George W. Huckabee." --Conan O'Brien

 

"Osama bin Laden is dead, which means the No. 1 threat to America is now the KFC Double Down." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I accidentally mixed up my sea of white people (OK, now I'm dead)

August 2011

"Texas Governor Rick Perry distanced himself from George W. Bush by saying, 'I went to Texas A&M. He went to Yale.' In other words, his idea of instilling confidence is by saying, 'Don’t worry. I’m not as smart as George W. Bush.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Michele Bachmann wished Elvis Presley a happy birthday even though it's actually the anniversary of his death. When told about the mistake, Bachmann said, 'My apologies to Elvis, and the entire Costello family.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Mitt Romney said he was in Iowa when he was actually in New Hampshire. He explained, 'I accidentally mixed up my sea of white people.'" –Conan O'Brien

"The White House sent Vice President Joe Biden to China today. So now we owe them a trillion dollars AND an apology." –Conan O'Brien

"Newt Gingrich, who came in 8th place in the Iowa Straw Poll, said he's 'not dead yet.' Then he was invited on 'Dancing With the Stars,' and he said, 'OK, now I'm dead.'" –Conan O'Brien 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

he was afraid he'd get really drunk and say something pro-semitic (still a great trick to weed out the Nancys)

"President Obama released his birth certificate today, proving once and for all that he was born in the United States. Yep, the certificate clearly shows that he was born on the all-American street of Kalanianaole Highway at the Kapiolani Hospital in Oahu." –Jimmy Fallon

"Donald Trump said he still wants to look more closely at Obama’s birth certificate to make sure that it’s real. Incidentally, President Obama said the same exact thing about Donald Trump’s hair." –Jimmy Fallon

"Earlier today, the president of Iran refused to attend a United Nations banquet because wine was being served. The Iranian president said he was afraid he'd get really drunk and say something pro-semitic." --Conan O'Brien

"At Yale, Bush was president of his fraternity. Few jobs provide more hands-on experience in robbing others of their dignity. In fact, his senior year marked the first time in history Amnesty International intervened in a pledge rush. My understanding is that when Yale banned tying pledges' genitals to bricks with a length of string, Bush came up with the idea of using cinder blocks instead -- still technically legal, still a great trick to weed out the Nancys." --John Oliver

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Some of the most prestigious asshole factories in America (Trump is already calling them a caravan)

Let's get right to the big story. Becky from Full House might go to jail for cheating her kids into college. I have shocking news for everyone here tonight. Rich people cheat and their kids are fucking stupid. 50 people have been charged in this massive scheme to bribe coaches and administration officials so their kids could get into elite colleges, and the schools involved we're talking about Yale, Stanford, Georgetown. Some of the most prestigious asshole factories in America. --Bill Maher

I thought celebrities would know better. You know if your kids too stupid to get into college you don't bribe and cheat. You put them in Scientology. --Bill Maher

Beto O’Rourke just announced his candidacy for president. That makes 15 democrats running. Trump is already calling them a caravan. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Knock it off Festus, you went to Yale for God’s sake (You feel lucky, punk?)

I don't know if this is a good idea. certain pilots on commercial airlines will be allowed to carry loaded guns. So you know you get on that plane and instead of hearing welcome aboard you're going to hear, “You feel lucky, punk?” Loaded weapons. I guess that’s better than loaded pilots. --David Letterman 9/6/2002

This is a quote from President George W. Bush, he was talking about Saddam Hussein and he said Saddam Hussein has “crawfished, crawfished” his way out of every agreement. Knock it off Festus,  you went to Yale for God’s sake. --David Letterman 9/6/2002

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Invasion of the Entitlement Snatchers (Fruit of the Lunatic)

"Do you folks know anything about the Skull And Bones society? It's like a fraternal organization, at Yale University. Well, they're auctioning off a human skull. And I was thinking about this. I believe this is the first empty skull to come out of Yale, well, I think since George W. Bush, actually." –David Letterman

"Now, some people are really upset because President Obama has decided to redecorate the Oval Office, and he got rid of former President Bush's bust of Winston Churchill. When he heard about it, Bush was furious and said, 'Winston Churchill? I thought that was Higgins from 'Magnum P.I.'" –Conan O'Brien

"How many people flew to get here? I mean, come on, isn't flying more fun than it used to be? I mean, really. They make you take off your shoes, make you take off your underpants. I mean you think about the guy, the Nigerian guy, he is going to blow up the thing. He was wearing a pair of Fruit of the Lunatic." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

and then Trump mocked Clinton by being the president (if Giuliani would just stop calling him)

Rudy Giuliani said this weekend that special counsel Robert Mueller has promised to finish his investigation into possible wrongdoing by President Trump by September, possibly even August if Giuliani would just stop calling him. --Seth Meyers

During a speech at Yale this weekend, Hillary Clinton mocked President Trump by putting on a traditional Russian hat, and then Trump mocked Clinton by being the president. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”