But he did play football, that is true (That belongs to my boss)

December 2022

“The Trump Organization has been convicted on 17 counts of tax fraud and other financial crimes. And you know what that means – Donald Trump is going to prison! To visit all the lower-ranking people who did this without his knowledge or permission. Because we all know that’s how that works in the world, right? All the successes in the Trump Organization, they’re due to the genius of Donald Trump. All the crimes, he had no idea.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“It’s the final campaign push of the Georgia run-off between Walker and Warnock. Usually during the final push, Walker is miles away from the hospital at a Waffle House telling a waitress she’s the one.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Even though he’s a beloved local football hero, Herschel Walker has not exactly inspired passion among Republican voters. You go down a list of what their party supposedly values most and it doesn’t seem to align. Family values? He’s a serial domestic abuser with more kids than a Dave & Buster’s on a Saturday at noon. Charity? He claimed his company gave 15% of their profits to charity; three of the four charities listed on his website said he gave nothing, the other said no comment. Pro-life? He was Planned Parenthood’s customer of year, I think. Pro-law enforcement? He lied about being a cop, an FBI agent, exaggerated his non-existent military service. Pro-Georgia? He himself mistakenly admitted he lives in Texas, not Georgia. But he did play football, that is true.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You are being ruled by criminals (f*** cardio)

The Tony Awards was last night — or as I call it, the Super Bowl — and it was absolutely wonderful. The moment everyone was buzzing about was when Robert De Niro had to be censored for saying on stage "f*** Trump." And today, angry Trump supporters everywhere are pretending that they actually watch the Tony Awards. --James Corden

People were saying that it was brave for Robert De Niro to do this. It was a pretty liberal show-business audience, so really, saying "f*** Trump" at the Tonys is like saying "f*** cardio" at a Waffle House. I hate to be cynical, but I think De Niro's just promoting his next movie, "Meet the Trump Fockers." --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You're just coasting at this point, aren't you? (Am I the first caller?)

We have got Kevin Bacon on the show tonight! Alexis Bledel is here. She is in "The Handmaid's Tale" with Elisabeth Moss, who was in "Girl Interrupted" with Winona Ryder, who was in "Reality Bites" with Ben Stiller, who was in "Zoolander" with Will Ferrell, who was in "Stepbrothers" with John C. Reilly, who was in "The River Wild" with … Kevin Bacon! --Jimmy Fallon

This morning, President Trump did a live phone interview with "Fox & Friends." It was tough for Trump. He didn't know whether to focus on the questions or watch himself on TV. --Jimmy Fallon

You could tell that Trump was excited to call in to his favorite show. When they answered the phone, Trump was like, "Am I the first caller? What did I win?" --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

That level of stupid has never been seen before (Anyone want to go to Waffle House?)

You know how sometimes when priests go to the Vatican they bring gifts for the Pope from their home region? Recently, a priest from Kentucky decided to give Pope Francis 10 bottles of whiskey — 10 bottles of whiskey, because nine's just not enough. Apparently, the Pope loves the Father, the Son, and ALL of the holy spirits. --James Corden

He got 10 bottles of whiskey, which explains why this morning's 9 a.m. Mass was held at 2 p.m. --James Corden

I'm not saying he drank it all, but he did start his last sermon with, "Peace be with you. And you. And you, man, I love you so much. In fact, you know, peace be with all of you! Anyone want to go to Waffle House?" --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

You'd think that would be worth something (banned from the Waffle House)

Time magazine today released its annual list of the “100 Most-Influential People in the World.” Making the list this year, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong Un, Pope Francis, James Comey, and of course, Donald Trump. Hillary Clinton did not make the list. Which is really crazy. Hillary Clinton influenced a whole half of a country to vote for Donald Trump for president. You'd think that would be worth something. –Jimmy Kimmel

Paul Ryan, speaker of the House, wrote the profile of Donald Trump. That's what they do, have famous people write the profile of other famous people. He said Trump always finds a way to get it done. He does? Other than his hair, what did he get done? Can't even get his wife to move in with him. –Jimmy Kimmel

Last night, President Trump had a very important meeting in the Oval Office with Ted Nugent and Kid Rock. How the hell did they get into the White House? Kid Rock is not even allowed in a Waffle House. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Jean-Georges could be French for Waffle House (care to start with some priebus?)

If are you having trouble getting in the Christmas spirit you might want to move to Japan, where Dominos is doing a promotion where they say your pizza will be delivered to your door step via reindeer. Even Santa Claus was like, “I don’t believe this is real.” –James Corden

Trump and Romney last night were dining at a four-star French restaurant called Jean-Georges. Sounds fancy, but Jean-Georges could be French for “Waffle House.” –Stephen Colbert

And they were joined by Reince Priebus, who is Trump’s chief of staff and not, as you may think, an item on the menu. “Would you care to start with some priebus? It has been lightly reince’d.” –Stephen Colbert

The billionaire of the people ordered young garlic soup with thyme and sautéed frogs legs. I thought he said he was going to drain the swamp, not eat its contents. –Stephen Colbert

The Lesser of Four Evils

Last night after his victories, Donald Trump held a press conference in Florida and he proudly displayed Trump water bottles, Trump wine, and Trump steaks. Trump also announced his running mate, the ShamWow guy. –Conan O’Brien

In Florida, a drunk half-naked woman crashed her car into a Waffle House. Just a reminder, once again Florida will likely determine who our next president is. –Conan O’Brien

Almost 40 percent of people who voted for John Kasich said they did so because they don’t like the other guys. Which explains his new campaign slogan: "John Kasich: The Lesser of Four Evils." –Conan O’Brien

Then he could have a wife and an open marriage at the same time

“Here's a very bizarre story that was online; a woman in England was born... she's 25 now and very attractive... the women was born with two vaginas. Two vaginas! See, this is the woman who should marry Newt Gingrich! Then he could have a wife and an open marriage at the same time.” –Jay Leno



“After winning the Super Bowl, the Giants will get to meet President Obama at the White House. Meanwhile, the Patriots will get to meet Newt Gingrich at the Waffle House." –Jimmy Fallon



“Newt Gingrich has criticized ‘New York elites’ who ride the subway. One of those subway elites threw up on my pants this morning.” –David Letterman