This is why Republicans can't have sex scandals (Live from the White House panic room)

 

"John McCain wants to postpone Friday night's presidential debate. And he has temporarily suspended his campaign. Yeah, so, apparently, this news about Clay Aiken being gay has affected him more than anybody thought." --Jay Leno

 

"I don't want to say Mitt Romney did bad, but this was the worst night for Mormons since Marie Osmond passed out on Dancing with the Stars." --Jay Leno

 

"No, actually, the real reason McCain says he's postponing the debate is to concentrate on the economic crisis. In fact, President Bush spoke to the nation earlier tonight, addressing the financial crisis. He spoke live from the White House panic room." --Jay Leno

"This is why Republicans can't have sex scandals. They're just too creepy. The Democrats, they've got hookers, mistresses, interns -- not girl scouts!" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Top Ten Subject Lines of Emails Received By Mitt Romney (can I ride your dancing horse?)

June 2012

David Letterman's "Top Ten Subject Lines of Emails Received By Mitt Romney"

10. Meet other attractive Mitts in your area
9. Newt here, regarding the VP job
8. Reminder: It's been over a month since you've purchased a Cadillac
7. Confirming your 2:30, 5:30, and 9 o'clock haircuts 6. 20% off at beach-house-car-elevators.com
5. Nice slacks, bro!
4. Your Marie Osmond tickets have shipped
2. If I vote for you, can I ride your dancing horse?
1. Warning: your hacked password is about to expire

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Donny and Marie are more qualified to be president (we finally find out who shot Bambi's mother)

"The ratings just came in for Sarah Palin's appearance on 'The Oprah Winfrey Show.' It earned Oprah her highest ratings since the episode where she reunited the Osmond family. Yeah, viewers who saw both episodes say Palin's more likable but that Donny and Marie are more qualified to be president." –Conan O'Brien

"Hey, this is absolutely true. There's an organization now called 'Draft Dick Cheney for President, 2012.' Yeah. Good luck with that. They tried to draft Dick Cheney five times during Vietnam. That didn't work." –Jay Leno

"There's a new children's book that's coming out that features Sarah Palin as a hero. I don't want to give away the ending, but we finally find out who shot Bambi's mother." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

JOKES: Bush said he wants to try and bring democracy to outer space

"In an interview in People magazine, Barack Obama said he was more a fan of Sonny and Cher than he was a fan of Donny and Marie. Well, that should answer the question of whether he's black enough." --Jay Leno

"And I guess you heard the U.S. military is going to shoot down that satellite that's falling to Earth. See, I knew this would happen. I knew it was just a matter of time before President Bush did a preemptive strike on ourselves. Do you know his rationale for shooting down the satellite? He said he wants to try and bring democracy to outer space." --Jay Leno

"Did you see Roger Clemens testifying this week before Congress? One congressman named Elijah Cummings called Clemens, "One of my heroes," and then called him a liar. So, I guess that's what makes you a hero to a congressman pretty much." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: this was the worst night for Mormons since Marie Osmond passed out on Dancing with the Stars

"John McCain was the big Republican winner. One pundit said McCain's lucky nickel was working. He carries a lucky nickel. It must be lucky - six months ago, that was his campaign war chest." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton also carries around a lucky nickel. Not for superstitious reasons - she just flips it when she needs a position on Iraq." --Jay Leno

"I don't want to say Romney did bad, but this was the worst night for Mormons since Marie Osmond passed out on Dancing with the Stars." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

That's like an open invitation to Kanye West to jump on stage

Tonight on CNN was the mildly anticipated first debate between the Democratic candidates. If you were in Vegas tonight you get to see Elton John, Donny and Marie, the Judds, or you can go and see the presidential debate. There's really something for everyone. –Jimmy Kimmel

They were keeping a spare podium open for Joe Biden in case he decided to enter the race at the last minute, as if he's going to walk in and shock everyone like a Spanish soap opera or something. You can't just leave an empty podium with a mic on stage like that. That's like an open invitation to Kanye West to jump on stage. –Jimmy Kimmel