He described the attack as 'al dente.' (I hope it's not the same 47 percent I don't care about)

At the debate on Tuesday Democratic candidate Lincoln Chafee bragged about the fact that in 30 years of public service, he’s never had one scandal. Well, it just came out that Chafee once used taxpayer money to buy frogs for his office aquarium. People said, “Well at least it wasn't a sex scandal.” And Chafee said, “Riiiight…” –Jimmy Fallon

"This is crazy. Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi was hit in the face at a rally in Rome yesterday. Berlusconi said he wasn't hit too hard, or too soft. He described the attack as 'al dente.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"A new poll found that only 47 percent of voters find Mitt Romney to be trustworthy. Then Romney was like, 'Well, I hope it's not the same 47 percent I don't care about.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well at least it wasn't a sex scandal (Riiiight…)

"It was announced last night that President Obama wants to send $250 checks to over 57 million American seniors. When he heard the news, John McCain was like, 'Forget everything I said, this guy's awesome!'" –Jimmy Fallon

At the debate on Tuesday Democratic candidate Lincoln Chafee bragged about the fact that in 30 years of public service, he’s never had one scandal. Well, it just came out that Chafee once used taxpayer money to buy frogs for his office aquarium. People said, “Well at least it wasn't a sex scandal.” And Chafee said, “Riiiight…” –Jimmy Fallon

New research shows that monkeys enjoy movies, and can even follow plot lines. So if you're keeping score — that's monkeys: one, my mom: zero. "Who's he? Is that the bad guy?" "It's a commercial, mom." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Even when I get into Harvard, I still embarrass my parents

You may have heard I had yet another mishap. This time I injured my other hand right after getting an award from Harvard. Even when I get into Harvard, I still embarrass my parents. –Jimmy Fallon

Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 68 today. When asked what her favorite gift was, she said, "Donald Trump." –Jimmy Fallon

Last week Democratic candidates Lincoln Chafee and Jim Webb announced that they are dropping out of the race. Which raises the question, what if two trees fall in the forest and there's nobody there to hear it? –Jimmy Fallon

Crap. What do I gotta do to lose this thing?

Jeb Bush's campaign announced yesterday that it raised over $13 million last quarter, which means it's doing better than most of the other major campaigns. Or as Jeb put it, “Crap. What do I gotta do to lose this thing?!" –Jimmy Fallon

Actually, I saw that Jeb Bush's campaign has been staying at cheaper hotels to save money. Which would make Jeb the first politician ever to book a room at a cheap motel just to sleep. –Jimmy Fallon

At the debate on Tuesday Democratic candidate Lincoln Chafee bragged about the fact that in 30 years of public service, he’s never had one scandal. Well, it just came out that Chafee once used taxpayer money to buy frogs for his office aquarium. People said, “Well at least it wasn't a sex scandal.” And Chafee said, “Riiiight…” –Jimmy Fallon

Which is also the advice Chris Christie gets from his doctor

One of the candidates at the early GOP debate, George Pataki, said his routine before every debate is to drink a diet lemon Snapple iced tea and pray. Which is also the advice Chris Christie gets from his doctor. –Jimmy Fallon

A clothing company is making T-shirts inspired by Bernie Sanders with messages like “Feel the Bern.” They were gonna make them for Lincoln Chafee too, but no one wants to wear a shirt that says “Feel the Chafee.” –Jimmy Fallon

At a recent education summit, President Obama admitted that he can’t rap. When they heard, Americans said, “Good!” –Jimmy Fallon