Or as I can now publicly call myself, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jr. (crimes against the human colon)

"I'm Conan O'Brien, or as I can now publicly call myself, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jr." –Conan O'Brien

The NYPD is investigating allegations of sexual misconduct against celebrity chef Mario Batali. They’re also investigating Guy Fieri for crimes against the human colon. --Conan O’Brien

"Chris Christie is getting a lot of support from New Jersey's Hispanic community. Some Hispanics like his moderate conservatism while others believe if you hit him he'll break open and spill out candy." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Honey, I'm not looking at her breasts. I'm working for Homeland Security (impeachment insurance)

            June 2013

"There are reports that female terrorists are being fitted with exploding breast implants. How many guys are going to use this as an excuse? 'Honey, I'm not looking at her breasts. I'm working for Homeland Security.'" –Jay Leno

"We have New Jersey Governor Chris Christie and chef Mario Batali on the show tonight. It's great to have a guest who's so passionate about food. And it's an honor to have Mario Batali here as well." –Jimmy Fallon

"This week a man was arrested for jumping over the White House fence and trying to spray paint a political message. If that guy really wanted to get a message to the president, he could have just written it in an email to literally anyone." –Jimmy Fallon

"The big story continues to be 29-year-old Edward Snowden, the man behind the leaking of the NSA spy scandal. Speculation is that Snowden is hiding in Hong Kong and could be working for China. Hey, let's get real. Aren't we all pretty much working for China?" –Jay Leno

"According to a Gallup poll, President Obama's approval rating has dropped to 45 percent. Luckily for Obama, he has 'impeachment insurance.' It's called 'Joe Biden.'" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Number 1 (crimes against the human colon)

Actor Hugh Grant is marrying the mother of his three children. This news comes as a shock to the mother of his four children. --Conan O’Brien

The NYPD is investigating allegations of sexual misconduct against celebrity chef Mario Batali. They’re also investigating Guy Fieri for crimes against the human colon. --Conan O’Brien

A man was arrested for urinating on a seat during a Frontier Airlines flight. It’s the first time anyone has ever associated Frontier Airlines with number one. --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I'm not looking at her breasts. I'm working for Homeland Security

"Conservative commentator Glenn Beck is suffering from paralyzed vocal cords that have made him unable to speak. But not to worry – doctors are working around the clock to make sure this condition continues." –Conan O'Brien 

"There are reports that female terrorists are being fitted with exploding breast implants. How many guys are going to use this as an excuse? 'Honey, I'm not looking at her breasts. I'm working for Homeland Security.'" –Jay Leno



"We have New Jersey Governor Chris Christie and chef Mario Batali on the show tonight. It's great to have a guest who's so passionate about food. And it's an honor to have Mario Batali here as well." –Jimmy Fallon