He tried to punch him back but his fist was intercepted and returned for a touchdown (It turns out that every single time they lied)

New York Jets quarterback Geno Smith broke his jaw yesterday in training camp after getting punched in the face by a teammate. Smith tried to punch him back but his fist was intercepted and returned for a touchdown. –Seth Meyers

“President Trump said in an interview yesterday that some men may feel insulted by Joe Biden’s decision to choose a woman as his running mate and added that Biden had, quote, ‘roped himself into a certain group of people.’ Lucky for Biden, that group of people is 51 percent of the population.” —Seth Meyers

A truck carrying 22,000 pounds of ravioli and jalapenos caught on fire while on a highway in Indiana — and immediately became Guy Fieri’s latest restaurant. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Or as I can now publicly call myself, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jr. (crimes against the human colon)

"I'm Conan O'Brien, or as I can now publicly call myself, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jr." –Conan O'Brien

The NYPD is investigating allegations of sexual misconduct against celebrity chef Mario Batali. They’re also investigating Guy Fieri for crimes against the human colon. --Conan O’Brien

"Chris Christie is getting a lot of support from New Jersey's Hispanic community. Some Hispanics like his moderate conservatism while others believe if you hit him he'll break open and spill out candy." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

in a battle between bear and shark, home field advantage would be huge, right? (And 30 years later, here we are)

This is maybe the most important week of the year in the United States. It's Shark Week. Did you know that? I went to church to kick things off because it's important to remember what Shark Week's really about. Shark Week started in 1988, back when sharks were still carrying beepers. And 30 years later, here we are. --Jimmy Kimmel

I don't know how the Discovery Channel keeps coming up with new shark shows. These are real shows: They have “Shaq Does Shark Week.” They've got “Guy Fieri's Feeding Frenzy,” “Cash Cab: Shark Week Edition,” “Naked and Afraid of Sharks,” and “Bear Versus Shark” — which, if you think about that one, in a battle between bear and shark, home field advantage would be huge, right? --Jimmy Kimmel

They get big ratings every year for this. Meanwhile, do you know how many people are killed by sharks every year? I looked this up today. Five. There are five shark fatalities per year in the world. We are deathly afraid of an animal that kills fewer people than Tide pods. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Trump told him that he could have custody of Don Jr. (talking to the sunglasses on the back of his head)

This is exciting, we have Guy Fieri on the show tonight. Backstage we had an entire conversation before I realized I was just talking to the sunglasses on the back of his head. --Jimmy Fallon

Today President Trump announced that he is calling off his meeting with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. After he broke it off, Trump told him that he could have custody of Don Jr. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Number 1 (crimes against the human colon)

Actor Hugh Grant is marrying the mother of his three children. This news comes as a shock to the mother of his four children. --Conan O’Brien

The NYPD is investigating allegations of sexual misconduct against celebrity chef Mario Batali. They’re also investigating Guy Fieri for crimes against the human colon. --Conan O’Brien

A man was arrested for urinating on a seat during a Frontier Airlines flight. It’s the first time anyone has ever associated Frontier Airlines with number one. --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Well, sounds like someone is not getting invited to sing at his impeachment

A truck carrying 22,000 pounds of ravioli and jalapenos caught on fire while on a highway in Indiana — and immediately became Guy Fieri’s latest restaurant. –Seth Meyers

President Trump’s inauguration singer, whose sister is transgender, recently called the president’s ban on transgender people in the military a disappointment. Well, sounds like someone is not getting invited to sing at his impeachment. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern @BrandNew535 @justicedems