My Trump hush money ran out (the paradise of the rich)

A former Playboy bunny just became the oldest lingerie model at 83 years old. When asked why she went back to work, she said, "My Trump hush money ran out." --Jimmy Fallon

A restaurant in Lithuania is stirring up controversy by displaying a mural on its wall that shows Donald Trump kissing Vladimir Putin. Trump said he's not mad that it shows him kissing a man, he's mad that it shows him kissing someone over 40. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Russia was in my cereal this morning (gift baskets)

This is pretty cool. Scientists have built a 6'10" robot that can hit perfect three-pointers. Unfortunately, rival scientists built a 6'11" robot that can say, "Not in my house." --Jimmy Fallon

President Trump has been keeping busy. He just met with the leaders of Latvia, Estonia, and Lithuania. And until that meeting, Trump thought Latvia, Estonia, and Lithuania were cast members on "Real Housewives." [imitates Trump] "Do you know Melania?" --Jimmy Fallon

Amazon Prime just unveiled new buttons you can press to order Doritos, Red Bull, and Trojan condoms. Or as that's called in New Jersey, “A gift basket.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh, so you LIKE protests now? (Both major parties need to go)

Some people are upset with Nike over the new campaign, and are even destroying their Nike gear in protest. Then Colin Kaepernick was like, "Oh, so you LIKE protests now?" --Jimmy Fallon

The NFL season kicked off tonight with a game between the Atlanta Falcons and the Philadelphia Eagles. And it's perfect timing for the Eagles' fans. 'Cause they just sobered up from the Super Bowl. --Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump has been keeping busy. He just met with the leaders of Latvia, Estonia, and Lithuania. And until that meeting, Trump thought Latvia, Estonia, and Lithuania were cast members on "Real Housewives." [imitates Trump] "Do you know Melania?" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They were charged with theft and I assume possession of weed (So, that just happened)

Yesterday, 39-year-old Emmanuel Macron became the youngest president in French history. You can tell he’s young ’cause after they swore him in, his first words in his speech were, “So, that just happened.” –Jimmy Fallon

A restaurant in Lithuania is stirring up controversy by displaying a mural on its wall that shows Donald Trump kissing Vladimir Putin. Trump said he's not mad that it shows him kissing a man, he's mad that it shows him kissing someone over 40. –Jimmy Fallon

Two people in Arkansas were arrested for stealing $5,000 worth of Little Debbie snack cakes. They were charged with theft and I assume possession of weed. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

America’s back for a limited time only, offer not valid in Florida (I think I’m taking all three of those)

June 2021

“Biden’s message at the G7 meetings has been simple: America is back. You know, like the McRib, America’s back for a limited time only, offer not valid in Florida.” —Seth Meyers

“President Biden attended the NATO summit today and met with the leaders of Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania. Said Biden, ‘I think I’m taking all three of those.’” —Seth Meyers

“Last weekend saw the former press secretary, and proven liar, Kayleigh McEnany claim that she never lied throughout her time at the White House. Wow, it’s impressive to lie about lying. It’s like stabbing a witness during your murder trial.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Making him the first candidate to come out against 'dithering.' (We are watching them)

"Yesterday at a political rally, Governer Arnold Schwarzenegger called John McCain 'a great senator and a very good friend.' Apparently, Arnold likes McCain because it's so much easier to pronounce than Giuliani." --Conan O'Brien

"Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has his first presidential campaign commercial. In the ad, which is now running, Romney says, 'This is not the time for talk and dithering in DC.' Making him the first candidate to come out against 'dithering.'" --Jay Leno

"Denmark and Lithuania have also announced that they're pulling their troops from Iraq. Actually, it's just one guy who's half Danish and half Lithuanian. " --Conan O'Brien

"The '08 race heating up. Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have both set up MySpace pages. Barack has twice as many MySpace friends as Hillary. In fact, Obama's MySpace page is almost as impressive as Bill Clinton's page on Match.com." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Cheney went nuts and hit a guy in the face with a boomerang (so all four guys can carpool)

"Vice President Dick Cheney is on a world tour. He was in Japan and now he's in Australia. It's not going well in Australia. He went nuts and hit a guy in the face with a boomerang." --David Letterman

"Denmark and Lithuania have announced that they're going to pull their troops out of Iraq. Apparently, Denmark and Lithuania are going to pull out on the same day so all four guys can carpool." --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush flew to North Carolina today to discuss ideas for cutting gas consumption. The best idea was for Bush to not fly Air Force One to North Carolina." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Bush could walk into the Oval Office naked and she'd say, 'Nice tie.' (So far, they've killed a dozen insurgents and three vampires)

"You all excited about the 2008 presidential election? There's some interesting potential matchups. For example, Hillary Clinton and Rudy Giuliani. On the one hand, you have a pushy New Yorker with a history marital problems. Or, you have a pushy New Yorker with a history marital problems." --David Letterman

"Monday was Presidents' Day, and as expected, President Bush was up at the crack of dawn, ready to open presents." --Amy Poehler

"Everybody but George Bush seems to understand that this war is over. The British are pulling out now. They're all going. Lithuania said this week they are 'seriously considering reducing their force of 53 troops.' It's a small force, but very effective. So far, they've killed a dozen insurgents and three vampires." --Bill Maher

"Condoleezza Rice insists the coalition is still intact. But you know Condi -- Bush could walk into the Oval Office naked and she'd say, 'Nice tie.'" --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

She can describe the president’s genitalia in great detail (PLEASE give her some more hush money)

A lawyer for Stormy Daniels went on Megyn Kelly’s show today and said, “She can describe the president’s genitalia in great detail.” Then Americans were like, “PLEASE give her some more hush money.” --Jimmy Fallon

Trump has been keeping busy. He just met with the leaders of Latvia, Estonia, and Lithuania. And until that meeting, Trump thought Latvia, Estonia, and Lithuania were cast members on "Real Housewives." [imitates Trump] "Do you know Melania?" --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

the same nicknames Trump gave his possible running mates

A New York Times exposé on Donald Trump reveals some pretty questionable interactions with women. Including claims that when Trump ran the Miss USA Pageant, he would frequently rate women's appearances right to their faces while they just stood there. Which is really sexist. And also pretty much the definition of any beauty pageant. –Jimmy Fallon

A restaurant in Lithuania is stirring up controversy by displaying a mural on its wall that shows Donald Trump kissing Vladimir Putin. Trump said he's not mad that it shows him kissing a man, he's mad that it shows him kissing someone over 40. –Jimmy Fallon

A group of alleged mobsters were just arrested in New York and their nicknames included Grandpa, Baldy, Lazy Eye and Fat Sal. Which are the same nicknames Trump gave his possible running mates. –Jimmy Fallon