I could not be more proud, which is a sin, and now I'm ashamed (I was worried it was Kanye)

Well, the Catholic Church has elected the first-ever pope from America, and as an American Catholic, I could not be more proud, which is a sin, and now I'm ashamed. —Colin Jost

This pick was actually a welcomed surprise for me, because when I heard the pope was a super-religious guy from Chicago in a funny robe, I was worried it was Kanye. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In fact he’s had to take a second shift at the Keebler factory (two people didn't want to miss work)

The DNC has assembled a group of so-called experts to fight Trump's agenda calling it the people's cabinet. 4 foot 11 inch Robert Reich is a member, because he could fit in the cabinet. Reich said Trump's policies will devastate the job market. In fact he’s had to take a second shift at the Keebler factory. —Greg Gutfeld

Protests were held nationwide this weekend against Doge, Trump and Musk. They held it on the weekend because two people didn't want to miss work. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Or, as he calls them, mature honeys (marketing a new brand of tampon)

In an effort to attract young voters, the Kamala Harris campaign has committed to visiting over 150 college campuses. Ooh, 150, she’s trying to break Matt Gaetz’s record. I’m kidding, obviously he’d never date a college girl. Or, as he calls them, mature honeys. —Stephen Colbert

Former President Donald Trump made several comments about women over the weekend, vowing that under his presidency, he would “protect women at a level never seen before,” saying they would be “healthy, hopeful, safe and secure.” I‘m not sure if he’s running for president or marketing a new brand of tampon. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The app is called Why? (It was a great night for O.J.!)

A new app lets people take selfies with virtual versions of "The Today Show" anchors. The app is called Why? –Conan O’Brien

One of the big winners at last night's Emmys was "The People v. O.J. Simpson." I gotta say, there’s nothing better than checking out the news and hearing, "It was a great night for O.J.!" –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What? How many? (this is the picture you’d tape to your fridge!)

The 39-year-old JD Vance, was once an adamant never-Trumper. But he changed his tune to get Trump’s endorsement in 2022, and now he’s full-metal Maga. In fact, he’s been called the ‘Maga heir-in-waiting’.” Colbert as Trump: ‘He’s like the son I never had. What? How many? OK, then he’s the bearded son I never had. What? How many?!’ —Stephen Colbert

The lowlight of the RNC convention was a bizarre confrontation on the convention floor between former speaker Kevin McCarthy and Congressman Matt Gaetz. Gaetz, who led the charge to remove McCarthy as speaker, barged in during McCarthy’s live TV interview on the convention floor to tell him he would get booed off the stage. McCarthy, who has publicly reiterated charges that Gaetz had sexual relations with minors, again stated the ethics complaints against Gaetz on live TV. If you have dirty laundry in your past, maybe don’t barge in on live TV interviews. McCarthy also told Gaetz: “Don’t be an asshole.” Excuse me. Are you telling this guy not to be an asshole? Would you tell the sun not to shine, or the grass not to grow? Would you tell the surf not to crash on the shore? Look at that guy! That is a perfect central casting asshole! If you were a decent person, and you were about to embark on a year-long campaign to try and become the best asshole you could ever be, this is the picture you’d tape to your fridge! —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He was then exposed as an unethical, lying, cheating weasel (It was pretty cool, don't you think honey?)

"They said bin Laden's wife tried to shield bin Laden with her body. And today Moammar Gadhafi said to his wife, 'Hey honey, did you see what bin Laden's wife Susan did? It was pretty cool, don't you think honey?'" –Jay Leno

"And a Georgia man is recovering in Pittsburgh after becoming the first U.S. recipient of a double hand transplant. Got two hands transplanted from another guy. He used them for the first time today to grab his heart when he saw the bill." --Jay Leno

"Former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is the guy who told his wife he was going for a hike and then went to Argentina to see his girlfriend. He was then exposed as an unethical, lying, cheating weasel. In a stunning comeback, he has been elected to Congress, where he'll fit right in." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It didn't work out that great (Al Gore's revenge)

"How about the weather in Washington? Oh my God. The rain, or

as they're calling it, Al Gore's revenge." --Jay Leno

"That was a big bone of contention today on the cable talk shows.

Supporters of Sarah Palin say, it's okay she doesn't know what

the Bush doctrine is because the average American doesn't know

what it is. But shouldn't the bar be a little higher for this job?

Shouldn't they be a little above average? I mean, hey, let's be

honest. We already had an average guy as president. It didn't

work out that great." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Have you ever tried to open a condom while you’re wearing mittens? (odds of being hit by an asteroid)

But the No. 1 most sexually diseased state is, fortunately, not attached to us. It is Alaska. And the reason they have the most STDs in Alaska is, have you ever tried to open a condom while you’re wearing mittens? –Jimmy Kimmel

There was a primary in Arizona and caucuses in Idaho and Utah. Donald Trump was behind in the polls in Utah — Utah is not particularly friendly territory for Donald Trump because most of the voters there are sober. –Jimmy Kimmel

“Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders canceled rallies on Tuesday because of the coronavirus, but President Trump said he would continue on as normal, which is a first.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So now we're up to 7 candidates and 35 ex-wives (General Tso's Motors)

"As part of their restructuring plan, General Motors is selling off an entire division to a Chinese company. The new division will be called General Tso's Motors." --Jimmy Fallon

"A Republican candidate for Congress in Arizona, who is white, recently changed his name to Cesar Chavez to appeal to Latino voters. It backfired when Arizona's governor immediately deported him." –Jimmy Fallon

"Rudy Giuliani says he may run for President. So now we're up to 7 candidates and 35 ex-wives." –Jimmy Fallon

"Last Friday CNN had its worst 10 p.m. ratings of all time, with only 35,000 viewers tuning in. I left it on for my dog, and when I came back, she was reading a newspaper." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Vatican said it's the same thing that happened to Oprah (The moral crisis of our age)

"Despite the Brian Williams lying scandal, NBC News led in the ratings last week. Although I should note the figures were reported by Brian Williams." –Conan O'Brien

"Brian Williams of NBC News has admitted he embellished a story about being in a helicopter that was shot at in Iraq. Williams says the helicopter part was true but it was a coin-operated helicopter outside of a Chuck E. Cheese. It was in a bad part of Connecticut." –Conan O"Brien

"A new report says that last year Colorado collected $44 million in marijuana taxes. Unfortunately, they can't remember where they put it." –Conan O'Brien

"The Vatican said that as soon as the Pope resigns, he will no longer be infallible. The Vatican said it's the same thing that happened to Oprah." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Pollsters forgot to ask the guy who cleans the toilets at Dodger Stadium how things are going for him (Our lives stink)

April 2013

"A new report found that the worst job in the U.S. is being a newspaper reporter. They say it's better for writers to just focus on fiction and become a CNN reporter." –Jimmy Fallon

"You know what the worst job in America is? It's newspaper reporter. I guess the pollsters forgot to ask the guy who cleans the toilets at Dodger Stadium how things are going for him." -Jimmy Kimmel 

"It was dubbed the worst job because it's high stress, low pay, and often requires working in dangerous conditions. This must have been a fun story for the newspaper reporters to report. 'Hey guys, guess what? Our lives stink.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Robert Reich: The 5-Step CEO Pay Scam

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Yes, I am your space president/Are there space Muellers? (Or as I call her, Nancy)

In the new Trump tell-all book Team of Vipers, there’s a story that back in 2017, Trump talked to NASA administrators and said, “What’s our plan for Mars?” The administrator explained to the president that by the 2030s, NASA would attempt a manned spaceflight. Colbert as Trump: “But is there any way we could do it by the end of my first term? Also, unrelated question. Can you be subpoenaed in space? Are there space Muellers?” --Stephen Colbert

Trump is willing to do anything to make the Mars thing happen. Colbert as Trump: “But what if I gave you all the money you could ever need to do it? What if we sent NASA’s budget through the roof? And what if, follow me here -- what if we launched the rocket off a big, beautiful wall, and inside the rocket, Nancy Pelosi? Or as I call her, Nancy.” --Stephen Colbert

During NASA’s visit Trump was scheduled to talk to astronauts on the Space Station. Before calling the astronauts, Trump decided to stop in his white-marbled bathroom for one final check in the mirror, smirked, and said to himself, “Space Station, this is your president.” Colbert as Trump: “Yes, I am your space president.” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Imagine if you go to Hell and it's for that (The moral crisis of our age)

But Mueller told Trump that, while he is not a criminal target, he still needs to ask him some questions. Basically he's treating the president like the guy who used to work with the woman who turned up dead on this week's "Law & Order." --Jimmy Kimmel

Some people think he could be saying this to bait Trump into sitting down at an interview. If you want to bait Trump, you leave a trail of cheeseburgers. That's how you bait him. --Jimmy Kimmel

A kid wrote in and asked Pat Robertson if the Bible said it was OK to play with mermaid toys. Good news, it is. Imagine if you go to Hell and it's for that. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.