Who among us hasn't had a couple of drinks and invaded Iraq? (that and poor customer service)

"Since Osama bin Laden was killed, they say the brand name of Al Qaeda has been damaged. Osama bin Laden's death has damaged the brand — that and poor customer service." –David Letterman

"President Bush is everywhere talking about his book and he's being very candid. In one interview, he said that he used to do stupid things while he was drunk. But think about it, who among us hasn't had a couple of drinks and invaded Iraq?" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean, how much effort does it take to just leave the back door open and say... (the drunkest mom at the kid's pool party)

Donald Trump says he's too busy to give a birthday present to his wife. I mean, how much effort does it take to just leave the back door open and say, "You're free, Melania. I let you go.” --James Corden

High-heel Crocs — for the woman who wants to let everyone know that she's the drunkest mom at the kid's pool party. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Should we tell them? I wanna tell them... (I gave the doctor a urine sample and there was an olive in it)

"I was so drunk I walked into a gay bar. It was terrible. There were fifteen guys for every guy."--Rodney Dangerfield

"I have been trying to quit smoking. My wife and I made an agreement that we would only smoke after sex. I've had the same pack since 1975." --Rodney Dangerfield

"I drink too much. I gave the doctor a urine sample and there was an olive in it."--Rodney Dangerfield

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hmmm, I want to get a little drunk, but I also want pancakes (You know you are really drunk when you get pulled over by the Coast Guard)

There's only one drink I hate. Eggnog. How the heck did they think that one up?  Hmmm, I want to get a little drunk, but I also want pancakes. --Dave Attell

Drinking and driving. A lot of people say it’s wrong and I call these people the cops. Sometimes you have no choice. Hey, these kids have got to get to school. --Dave Attell

I’m not proud of this but I have been pulled over for drunk driving. I was really drunk. You know you are really drunk when you get pulled over by the Coast Guard.  --Dave Attell

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So basically, they’re the Lakers (Haze a nipple heave)

March 2022

Some military experts have been surprised that despite having superior firepower the Russian army has been slowed by aging equipment, poor motivation and inept leadership. So basically, they’re the Lakers. —Colin Jost

The House voted to award the congressional gold medal to the only female all-black unit to serve in World War II. And Tyler Perry plays them all in his new film Inglorious Basterds. —Colin Jost

Dunkin’ Donuts has announced a new beverage called the Shamrock Macchiato, which combines espresso, vanilla and Irish creme. It’s the festive, sugary drink that will have you saying, Top O’ the Morning and losing the bottom O’ your leg. —Colin Jost

 Pat Sajak is asking Wheel of Fortune fans to stop making fun of the two contestants who were unable to solve an easy saying, ‘Have a little heart.’ Or as the contestants would guess, ‘Haze a nipple heave.’ —Colin Jost

According to a new study, just one drink a day may shrink the overall volume of your brain. Though I think I speak for all alcohol enthusiasts when I say, ‘Buh?’ —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”