Let me know how that works out for you (he takes that vow of celibacy very seriously)

July 2013

"Rush Limbaugh claims he is now allowed to say the N-word. After hearing this, Paula Deen said, 'Let me know how that works out for you.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Pope Francis is on summer vacation right now and apparently he's been spotted driving around in a Ford Focus. So I guess he takes that vow of celibacy very seriously." –Jimmy Fallon

"Russian President, Vladimir Putin rode a submarine to the bottom of the ocean to look at the remains of an old shipwreck. And also because 'SpongeBob knows too much.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the guy from The Naked Gun movies (and on the other side...)

Trump said he had a hunch that the virus wasn't as bad as the World Health Organization says. So on one side you have the World Health Organization, and on the other side you have a guy who stared at an eclipse. —Bill Maher

What a difference a week makes. One week ago there were seven people in the Democratic primary now it is a two-man race between Bernie Sanders, a Democratic Socialist and Joe Biden the guy from The Naked Gun movies. —Bill Maher

Joe Biden has been running for president since 1988. In 1988 Air Supply was a band, now it’s what Joe Biden needs when he reaches the top of the stairs. —Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the most religious man in the world met the pope (I think that M is upside down/let ME eat cake)

“Trump has frequently cited article two of the constitution as justification to do, well, anything, though I doubt Trump has ever read even one full sentence of the constitution. “He probably got three words in and quit – ‘We the people? I think that M is upside down.’” —Seth Meyers

“Trump’s lawyer seemed to argue that the president could do anything he wanted if he believed his re-election was in the national interest. Now, if this rationale alarms you, then you’re in good company, as the House speaker, Nancy Pelosi, compared the logic to the absolute monarchism of Louis XIV. When you think about it – and I recommend you don’t – Trump has a lot in common with Louis XIV: same decorating style, same lax attitude toward extramarital affairs, they both poop in a drawer. Plus, Louis was the sun king and Trump is the stare-directly-at-the-sun king. The only difference is Trump’s motto: let ME eat cake.” —Stephen Colbert

“Mike Pence had a visit with Pope Francis. Yes, that’s right, the most religious man in the world met the pope. Do you think the pope took Pence’s confession? Because if he did, that would have to be the most boring confession the pope has ever heard. The pope would probably be like: ‘You walked in on your wife taking off her shoes? I don’t care. No, eating salty food is not a sin.’” —Trevor Noah

“The Senate impeachment trial is racing democracy to see which one can end faster.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Nose job (I Call It Common Sense)

"A TSA screener in Kansas City is facing criticism for giving a pat-down to an 8-month-old baby. You don't pat down a baby! You stick him in a tray and run him through the X-ray machine." –Jimmy Fallon

"The White House announced that the $50 million reward for Osama bin Laden's whereabouts won't be going to anyone. Then China was like, 'Wanna bet?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Moammar Gadhafi hasn't been seen since April 30. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Nose job." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Vulture Capitalism vs Democratic Socialism (this British lady might be Robin Williams)

“I would just like to point out that the guy threatening to destroy Iranian cultural sites is the same guy who lost his mind when people suggested taking down Confederate statues honoring white supremacists here in this country.” —Seth Meyers

“Trump’s illegal threats meant the secretary of state, Mike Pompeo, and secretary of defense, Mark Esper, had to make cable news rounds reassuring the public that, as Esper said, they were ‘fully confident’ the president would not give them an illegal order. Oh, you’re confident he won’t give you an illegal order? He ordered his ex-fixer to cover up an affair, and he personally wrote the check for the hush money while he was president. Lots of presidents have scandals but Trump’s the only one who paid for it by check.” —Seth Meyers

“Senator Mike Lee, called Trump’s briefing on Iran ‘un-American’ and ‘insane.’ I love when a politician figures out this late in the game that the Trump administration is insane. It’s like someone watching Mrs. Doubtfire and then turning to you after an hour and saying, ‘I think this British lady might be Robin Williams.’” —Seth Meyers

“Oh, you see, it wasn’t the worst presentation, it was the best presentation. It’s so easy to get those two things mixed up.” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Well, maybe all he needed was a little push from another member of the .00001 percent (That’s money!)

“You’ve been watching the rampant corruption of the Trump presidency,
the catastrophic failure of the Trump administration and the destructive
influence the wealthy have had on politics and you’re saying to yourself,
‘You know what can fix this? A different rich guy.’ Because if we’ve
learned one thing from the past decade of politics, from the financial
crisis to the Trump presidency, it’s that rich people, with zero exceptions,
know what they’re doing. That’s why they always do smart, sane things
like leaving all their money to their cats or going on a podcast and
smoking weed like Elon Musk.” --Seth Meyers

“Wow, he just ordered up a presidential candidate. What level of
Amazon Prime is that?” --Seth Meyers

“You know you’re rich when the Amazon guy orders something
from you. That’s money!” --Trevor Noah

“Well, maybe all he needed was a little push from another member
of the .00001 percent.” --Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

which also happen to be his two favorite ways to meet women (Dr. Trump has made yet another profound linguistic discovery)

“Donald Trump is nothing if not a pioneer of the English language. You might
think he’s just making up words or doesn’t know how to read. But that is not
the case, you see. Trump doesn’t make errors; he makes discoveries —
he’s like a scholar. He spends all night scouring obscure 15th century
medieval texts looking for previously unknown words. [as Trump]
‘Eureka, I’ve found it! ‘Lawmakers.’’ And recently, Dr. Trump has made
yet another profound linguistic discovery.” --Seth Meyers

“‘Foistered.’ And it wasn’t just like a slip of the tongue because he did it again
on Tuesday in Lexington and Friday in Tupelo. He used the word ‘foistered’
three times in a week. It’s a combination of ‘foisted’ and ‘forced,’ which also
happen to be his two favorite ways to meet women.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“That’s right, ‘foistered.’ He sounds like Daffy Duck trying to say faster. [as Daffy Duck]
Foister! Foister! The Democrats are after us!’” --Seth Meyers

“Trump is surrounded — surrounded by so many sycophants that no one was willing to tell him ‘foistered’ is not a word, so he used it twice. Soon, his underlings are going to start using it, too. [as Trump underling] ‘This administration is moving foister and foister than any administration in history, but we’re being stonewalled by Democratic ‘lawmakers.’’” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What happened to that nice family that used to live here? (Sorry, kid, executive privilege)

“It’s true — yesterday, kids trick-or-treated at the White House. Yeah, Trump only gave the kids candy if they promised to investigate Joe Biden.” —Conan O’Brien

“Some of them were disappointed and asked, ‘What happened to that nice family that used to live here?’” —Conan O’Brien

“Melania handed out candy, while Trump took it back. [As Trump] ‘Sorry, kid, executive privilege.’” —Seth Meyers

“What a spooky experience for those children. ‘It’s that big creepy house on the end of the block. They say the old man who lives there wears hair made from dead people.” —Stephen Colbert

“But the kids got candy, songs, the rare opportunity to see Rudy Giuliani bite the head off a pigeon.” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It's fun to finally be working on a problem that I didn't cause (That unborn child is Luke Skywalker)

"President Obama and the First Lady attended a parent-teacher conference, and when they left, President Obama didn't look very happy. Apparently Joe Biden's being held back a grade." –Craig Ferguson

"I'm upset that friend of the show Mike Huckabee criticized Natalie Portman for having a child out of wedlock. But this is Natalie Portman we're talking about. That unborn child is Luke Skywalker." –Conan O'Brien 

"This week, President Bush announced he's launching a new campaign to solve the conflict between the Israelis and the Palestinians. When asked why, Bush said, 'It's fun to finally be working on a problem that I didn't cause.'" --Conan O'Brien

"I was watching the news on television earlier, and George Bush says the economy is in danger. Nothing gets past this guy! Wow! Like a steel trap." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Abby Martin & Richard Wolff Discuss Socialism in 2019

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What do the other 56 percent think? (two white Nigerian guys)

“News of the economy is really hurting Trump’s popularity. A new poll that was just released said Trump’s disapproval rate is at 56 percent. And now I’m really worried. Now I’m really worried Trump might not fix the economy, because he just says, ‘What do the other 56 percent think?’” --Trevor Noah

“Seems like everybody thinks that something shady happened here. People on the right were saying it was the Clintons who killed Jeffrey. People on the left were saying Trump killed him. Jussie Smollett says it was two white Nigerian guys.” --Trevor Noah 

“Joe Biden has been making so many mistakes on the campaign trail. I don’t know what’s worse, suggesting poor kids are synonymous with black kids or trying to cover it up by listing as many kids as he could and hoping no one would notice. White kids, black kids, Asian kids, Cabbage Patch kids, Gap kids, New Kids on the Block.” --Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

At this rate, he’s going to take the flag and replace half the stars with poop emojis (dark psychic forces)

“There she goes, tossing her base some of that red unicorn meat. And the only way to defeat it is to help Harry Potter locate the nine horcrux.” --Stephen Colbert, on Marianne Williamson’s mention of a “dark psychic force”

Stephen Colbert as Marianne Williamson: “We have a Department of Housing, but not a department of home. We have secretary of education, instead of a secretary of educating. We have a Defense Department instead of a dreamcatcher I bought in Sedona.” --Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert as Bernie Sanders: “I’m not yelling! This is what it sounds like when I whisper! It’s how I sang my kids lullabies at night. Twinkle, twinkle, little star, the billionaire class has gone too far.” --Stephen Colbert

“Trump has also gone after New York, Los Angeles and Chicago, and called the people of Iowa stupid. At this rate, he’s going to take the flag and replace half the stars with poop emojis.” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

There’s a rumor he was born in New Jersey (also known as We the People)

"Now Egyptians are demanding to see President Mubarak’s birth certificate. There’s a rumor he was born in New Jersey." –Jay Leno

"According to 'The National Enquirer' House Speaker John Boehner had his package stimulated. He’s being accused of having two affairs, one with a female lobbyist. That should end the criticism of the Republicans as 'The Party of No.'" –Jay Leno

"Oil companies are now saying that the unrest in the Middle East could lead to an increase in gas prices. Did you ever notice that everything leads to increased gas prices: Egypt, the snowstorm, Snooki's book, the 'American Idol' judges." –Jay Leno

"Well, according to The New York Post, delegates at the Democratic convention received information packets with three separate warnings not to drink too much, because they say alcohol has a much stronger effect in higher altitudes. I guess they didn’t want anyone getting drunk and accidentally sleeping with John Edwards again." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

How? Volume! Volume! Volume! (It’s a driiifteerrrrr!)

Whatever his physical condition, Trump’s poll numbers are on life support. That has led to a huge number of democrats to enter the 2020 race --Ten so far. “Hi, we’re the crazy democratic party and we’re going to get Donald Trump out of office. How? Volume! Volume! Volume!” --Stephen Colbert

A woman who hasn’t even entered the race yet: Minnesota senator and woman realizing no one touched her dish at the potluck, Amy Klobuchar. Senator Klobuchar is expected to announce she’s running for president on Sunday, but there’s a bit of a hitch, because apparently she’s having trouble finding staffers for her campaign, reportedly because Klobuchar’s mistreatment of staff has scared off candidates. I’m kind of shocked. I mean, I’ve interviewed Amy Klobuchar and she’s so nice. This is like getting a car from Oprah and finding a body in the trunk. Colbert as Oprah, “It’s a driiifteerrrrr!” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I created the Middle Class. You're Welcome! (a criminal record will be provided for you)

Trump is filling dozens of positions on his communications team. And they are interviewing candidates as we speak. The campaign does say that it doesn’t want anyone with a criminal record. Once you start working for them, a criminal record will be provided for you. --Stephen Colbert

A job on Trump’s re-election campaign can’t be easy. It’s like being a mall Santa. Remember, it’s only temporary, it’s completely degrading, and you are constantly getting demands from a child. --Stephen Colbert

Trump spoke at the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington, D.C. where he thanked religious leaders for their support and then offered them some words of reassurance. Trump, “I will never let you down. I can say that, never.” And then Stormy Daniels said, “Too late.” --James Corden

When Trump said, “I will never let you down,” what you didn’t see in that video is that Trump is speaking directly to a stack of blueberry pancakes. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And you thought the war on drugs was unwinnable (one day soon, we will outlaw the Snuggie)

"I don't know a lot about Christine O'Donnell, but she has some interesting views. She has come out against masturbation. And you thought the war on drugs was unwinnable." –Jay Leno

"In her fight against childhood obesity, first lady Michelle Obama is urging communities to make fresh produce more available to young people, even in liquor stores. If your kid is hanging out at the liquor store, obesity is the least of your problems." –Jay Leno 

"An openly gay Saudi Arabian diplomat is seeking asylum here in the U.S. His reason: he's an openly gay diplomat from Saudi Arabia." –Jay Leno

"The French Senate has outlawed the burka, giving hope to U.S. lawmakers that one day soon, we will outlaw the Snuggie." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

If you get it a cake, don’t light the candles (18 million Americans don't know what the word favorable means)

"The BP oil spill turned 50 days old today. If you get it a cake, don’t light the candles." –Jimmy Kimmel

"It's Day 71 of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. They just did a poll that says only 6 percent of Americans have a favorable view of BP, to which I say, 6 percent of Americans have a favorable view of BP? That's 18 million people. Is it possible that 18 million Americans don't know what the word favorable means?" –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What is Dick Cheney doing in Toledo, Ohio? (also known as We the People)

"This week, America's last living World War I veteran — a man named Frank Buckles, 108 years old — he said he would like to see a memorial in Washington, D.C. You know, when he gets back from Afghanistan." –Jay Leno

"Well, here's a very bizarre story. People act strangely this time of year. In Toledo, Ohio, a man attacked a Salvation Army bell ringer, grabbed his red kettle, threw it in the back of his truck, yelled, 'I hate Christmas,' and drove off. Here's my question. What is Dick Cheney doing in Toledo, Ohio?" –Jay Leno

"Police in Texas seized thousands of ecstasy tablets with pictures of Obama's face on them. Drug dealers chose Obama because the pills make you feel hope and change and then send you off to a faraway place." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

See, it's complicated, right? It's not so easy. Doors are hard (In the Senate, you have to be all three)

"Down in Louisiana, a porn star named Stormy Daniels announced that before she commits to running for U.S. Senate, she will go on a statewide listening tour. Daniels added, and I'm quoting here, that she may 'be a slut and a whore, but' she is 'not a criminal.' But this is why she will never win. See, in the Senate, you have to be all three." --Jay Leno

"Yesterday, when President Obama -- this is true -- was getting into his helicopter, he accidentally bumped his head on the door. It was in the news, and when he heard about it, President Bush said, 'See, it's complicated, right? It's not so easy. Doors are hard.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”