Like when they become president or win the Masters or get an Oscar (the strategic use of beer)

"Congratulations to Barack Obama -- he has won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Apparently, the Nobel committee wanted to recognize the president's fine work in bringing peace to a black professor and a white cop through the strategic use of beer. " --Jay Leno

"Yesterday in Louisiana, a judge denied an interracial couple a marriage license because he felt, I quote, their children would later suffer in life from being interracial. Like when they become president or win the Masters or get an Oscar."  --Jay Leno

"Well, listen to this. Here's some good terrorist gossip. According to a Sudanese novelist who once lived with Osama bin Laden for four months, Osama bin Laden is a huge Whitney Houston fan which is surprising. I mean, considering the way those people treat women, you'd think he'd be a bigger Bobby Brown fan." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

20 years later he still has your room (third-place vaccine)

November 2021

“It is looking more and more likely that Covid may stay with us forever, like that uncle who said he was ‘just passing through town’ and then 20 years later still has your room.” —Trevor Noah

“Luckily, America has more than enough vaccines for every man, woman and child – so many doses that the US has announced plans to deliver doses of the Johnson & Johnson vaccine to people living in conflict zones such as the Democratic Republic of the Congo, South Sudan and Yemen. America is sending the Johnson & Johnson vaccine into conflict zones? Hasn’t Yemen been through enough? I mean, it’s bad enough that poor countries get T-shirts from the losing Super Bowl team, but now they have to get the third-place vaccine?” —Trevor Noah

“I know there are a lot of reasons why it’s better to send J&J to conflict zones than Moderna or Pfizer – it’s easier to transport, and you don’t need to depend on people being able to come back for a second shot. But I wouldn’t be surprised if there were some American officials who were like, ‘well we’re not gonna waste the good vaccines on someone who’s just going to step on a landmine tomorrow, right fellas?’” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The previous record for wetness (Only 2,000 times said my p*nis)

For Christmas, Michael Che and Colin Jost make each other read jokes that they have never seen before...

A church in Massachusetts created a nativity scene that comments on the immigration debate by placing the baby Jesus in a cage….where he belongs. --Colin Jost, SNL

A new study shows that the average American touches their mobile device more than 2,000 times a day. Only 2,000 times said my penis. --Michael Che, SNL

Nigeria’s president Muhammadu Buhari denied for months old rumors that he had died and  been replaced by a look-a-like from Sudan. See, even Africans can’t tell black people apart. --Colin Jost, SNL

A new report shows Hurricane Florence was the wettest hurricane in history. The previous record for wetness was set on the opening night of Magic Mike. --Michael Che, SNL

Last week was National Rosa Parks Day. Or as we call it in my house, “Uppity Bus Passenger Day.” --Colin Jost, SNL

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

sending a clear message to Iran (Two and A Half Men)

   

"Each year, ambassadors and presidents gather with the goal of making it impossible to get across town in less than two hours. Mr. President, you're first. This is your chance to send a clear message to Iran at the U.N. Take the first swing [on screen: Bush saying, 'Americans are outraged by the situation in Burma']. We are? Really? I think I would change that statement somewhat to say, 'Americans just found out there was still a Burma.' It turns out that during the president's 20-minute speech, he only mentioned Iran once in passing and Iraq twice, focusing more on how he also doesn't like Burma, Sudan, Zimbabwe, Cuba, Kurgistan, and -- this was odd -- the show 'Two and A Half Men.'" --Jon Stewart, on Bush's address to the U.N. General Assembly

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

low approval ratings can be contracted through saliva (that's our number one industry)

"According to the New York Times, lawyers are almost four times more likely to get depressed than other people, especially lawyers who go hunting with Dick Cheney."  --Jay Leno

Evidently, low approval ratings can be contracted through saliva." --Stephen Colbert, on the effect of President Bush kissing Joe Lieberman

"New York is on a heightened state of alert. They say New Yorkers should be aware of suspicious activity. I'm thinking, 'Hell, that's our number one industry.'" --David Letterman