right before they took her keys to her car (If only she could get close enough to her cake to blow out the candles)

The mayor of Jackson, Mississippi, signed a proclamation declaring Kamala Harris Day to honor all of her accomplishments. They're calling it Cinco de Drunko. Kamala was also awarded Jackson, Mississippi's key to the city, which was offered right before they took her keys to her car. —Greg Gutfeld

The House Oversight Committee is looking into how Ilhan Omar and her husband went from being nearly broke to having $30 million in just one year. But Omar credits her financial adviser, Nancy Pelosi. —Greg Gutfeld

Today is music icon Dolly Parton's 80th birthday. If only she could get close enough to her cake to blow out the candles. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He says it was all due to just one new customer (Prince Harry's Testicles)

So, the DOJ is looking into how Ilhan Omar's husband’s wine business jumped from one to five million in 2024. He says it was all due to just one new customer, Kamala Harris. —Greg Gutfeld

Sources claim Meghan Markle's Netflix show With Love will not be returning for a third season. Also not returning for a third season, Prince Harry's Testicles. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If only she could get close enough to her cake to blow out the candles (Cinco de Drunko)

The mayor of Jackson, Mississippi, signed a proclamation declaring Kamala Harris Day to honor all of her accomplishments. They're calling it Cinco de Drunko. —Greg Gutfeld

The House Oversight Committee is looking into how Ilhan Omar and her husband went from being nearly broke to having $30 million in just one year. But she credits her financial adviser, Nancy Pelosi. —Greg Gutfeld

Today is music icon Dolly Parton's 80th birthday. If only she could get close enough to her cake to blow out the candles. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, he never said it was on his head (every single time it turns out they lied)

In a recent interview, former Vice President Kamala Harris said, quote, "There will be a marvel bust of me in Congress." And she added how cool it is that they can carve on something as small as a marble. —Greg Gutfeld 

Gavin Newsom claimed his hair literally burst during the Palisades fire. I know you're thinking his hair looks fine, right? Well, he never said it was on his head. —Greg Gutfeld 

According to the Daily Mail, Ilhan Omar told friends years ago that her second husband was in fact her brother. The wedding guests were tipped off when the couple's first dance was to We Are Family. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Finally a purse that matches my face (Do you kiss your brother with that mouth?)

This week Congresswoman Ilhan Omar told a reporter for the Daily Caller to f off. Seriously Ilhan, do you kiss your brother with that mouth? —Greg Gutfeld

A company claims they are coming out with leather purses made from 66 million year old dinosaur DNA. Finally a purse that matches my face said Nancy Pelosi. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's the only place where people can't get up and leave when he starts yapping (Hey lady, stay in your lane)

New York AG Leticia James is under investigation for falsifying records to get loans. Funny, isn't this exactly the thing she tried to prosecute Trump for? Makes me wonder, what if she banged Stormy Daniels? —Greg Gutfeld

On one loan Leticia James reportedly listed her father as her husband. Hey lady, stay in your lane, said Ilhan Omar. —Greg Gutfeld

Cory Booker wants to visit the prisoners in El Salvador. That makes sense. It's the only place where people can't get up and leave when he starts yapping. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He looked presidential at the last debate thanks to his brilliant strategy of standing next to Jeb Bush (Or as the GOP calls them, “A Caravan!”)

I've been trying to say “I love you” more often, starting this morning. I said it to my family before I left the house. And then to my barista. And then to her manager, when the barista complained that one of the customers was making her uncomfortable. –Stephen Colbert

Everyone on the GOP side is about to get plenty of face time at tomorrow's fourth Republican debate. All eyes are on Marco Rubio. He looked presidential at the last debate thanks to his brilliant strategy of standing next to Jeb Bush. –Stephen Colbert

It was also a banner election for diversity. First of all, at least 110 women won last night. Meaning a record number of women will be serving in congress. Rashida Talib of Michigan and Ilhan Omar of Minnesota became the first Muslim women in congress. That’s right, two Muslim women. Or as the GOP calls them, “A Caravan!” --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Get the fact checkers on that (Who's Charlotte?)

September 2012

"Did you see that Bill Clinton speech? Of course, it made the Republicans furious. They said, 'No fair. Not everyone has an ex-president who can speak.'" –Bill Maher

"Clinton was just devastating in his simplicity. He said, 'I came from a place where people still thought 2 and 2 was four.' And over at Fox News they said, 'Get the fact checkers on that.'" –Bill Maher

"It really was a dream night for Bill Clinton – Democrats in love with him, hanging on his every word, Hillary was in China 10,000 miles away. We don't even know if she saw the speech. In fact, someone said to her today, 'Did you catch Bill in Charlotte?' And he said, 'Who's Charlotte?'" –Bill Maher

"When you look at the two conventions, the speeches at the Democratic convention were just better. Go back and watch Mitt Romney. After seeing Michele Obama speak, and Bill Clinton speak, and the president speak, it's like watching an armless guy paint with his ass." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That unborn child is Luke Skywalker (the last voyage of the Space Shuttle)

"I'm upset that friend of the show Mike Huckabee criticized Natalie Portman for having a child out of wedlock. But this is Natalie Portman we're talking about. That unborn child is Luke Skywalker." –Conan O'Brien

"This is the last voyage of the Space Shuttle, and President Obama called them in space today: 'You're not going to believe what's happening with Charlie Sheen down here.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered a role in a sequel to 'The Terminator.' In this one he travels back in time and kills the person who suggested he run for Governor." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

it's real simple alarm - it consists of a sticker (Just start spelling it then quit)

I was home last week and I heard I heard a gunshot outside of my apartment. Then I saw two guys run by my window so I was gonna call the police, but then I got optimistic. I said, hey maybe it’s just a race. Yeah, that’s what it is. There's a lot of late night track and field events by my house. —Mitch Hedberg

I live in a studio apartment.  I got a sliding glass door that has a sticker on it that says, Warning Alarm System. it's real simple alarm - it consists of a sticker. —Mitch Hedberg

When I was eighteen my friend Tim and I, we packed up his Volare and we moved from Minnesota to Florida. We wanted to move to Texas but the front end of his car was out of alignment. --Mitch Hedberg

I had a roommate named Eddie who was kind of slow. I asked him one day how to abbreviate Arkansas, Eddie said, “I don’t know. Just start spelling it then quit.” --Mitch Hedberg

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Mayday! We have a problem. (No corporate donors)

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I’m going to use it. --Steven Wright

Sponges grow in the ocean. That kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn’t happen. --Steven Wright

I was folding my bed back into coach. I almost broke both my arms cause it’s not one of those kinds of beds. --Steven Wright.

Hermits have no peer pressure. --Steven Wright

A wicker chair it's my favorite chair. Because I stole it. I was at a crowded party and when no one was looking I went over to it and I unraveled it. --Steven Wright

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Secular Talk: Bill Maher Goes After BDS & Ilhan Omar

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Jordan Chariton: Israel Bans Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib After President Trump Tweets (Yes, This is Real Life)

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Young Turks: Netanyahu BANS Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

In 70 years, the U.K. has gone from Winston Churchill to a roadie for Spinal Tap (You’ll never take me alive!)

“Pro-Brexit politician Boris Johnson was officially elected today to become the U.K.’s next prime minister. Great. In 70 years, the U.K. has gone from Winston Churchill to a roadie for Spinal Tap.” --Seth Meyers

“What were you expecting from his testimony? Did you think Mueller was going to smash through the wall in a monster truck called the DeTrumpulator?” --Seth Meyers

Some Democrats were happy to hear Mueller suggest that President Trump could be charged with obstruction of justice after he leaves office. “You know when Trump heard that, he started pushing the sofa in front of the door. [Imitating Trump] ‘You’ll never take me alive!’” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

They even changed the name of the local Hooters to Torsos (How the hell can we stop them?)

Merriam-Webster dictionary tweeted that the "most searched for" words following President Trump's campaign rally last night were "racism," "fascism," and "xenophobia." While at the rally, that was the calendar of events. --Seth Meyers

The House of Representatives voted today on a bill that would raise the federal minimum wage to $15 an hour. Said Trump, "That's too high. I mean, who works for a whole hour? I mean, maybe if you broke it up over the course of the day." --Seth Meyers

A Long Island man recovered his missing 9-foot-long anaconda this week after finding it in the dashboard of his van. But you should still always say no if a stranger ever asks you to get in his van to help him find his snake. --Seth Meyers

Berkeley, California, voted last night to rename gendered terms like "manhole" to neutral terms like "maintenance hole." They even changed the name of the local Hooters to Torsos. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

First hint? They found it in a tomb (We all assume he failed everything)

These investigations come on top of all the other investigations that are going on. Trump is currently being looked into by the special counsel, The US Attorney for the Southern District of New York, The FBI, The Marshall Tucker Band, The House Committee on Oversight and Reform, Molly Hatchet, The House Committee on Ways and Means, Lynyrd Skynyrd, The House Intelligence Committee, The Allman Brothers, the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, and many more! All the original artists! --Stephen Colbert

Archaeologists have uncovered an elixir of immortality in a 2000 year old Chinese tomb. Though, I do have suspicions this elixir of immortality may not work. First hint? They found it in a tomb. --Stephen Colbert

Last week Michael Cohen told congress that Trump ordered him to threaten his high school to never release his grades. What could he possibly be hiding? We all assume he failed everything. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It is the most celebrated defeat of a White Walker since Game of Thrones (Or as the GOP calls them, “A Caravan!")

First of all, I’d like to send out a hearty “Don’t let the door hit ya” too soon-to-be former Wisconsin governor Scott Walker, who lost last night to democrat Tony Evers. It is the most celebrated defeat of a White Walker since Game of Thrones. The loss was hard on Scott Walker. Hopefully he consoled himself with his brother, Johnny. --Stephen Colbert

It was also a banner election for diversity. First of all, at least 110 women won last night. Meaning a record number of women will be serving in congress. Rashida Talib of Michigan and Ilhan Omar of Minnesota became the first Muslim women in congress. That’s right, two Muslim women. Or as the GOP calls them, “A Caravan!” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”