Last seen on Pam Bondi's desk ($50 Million Reward)

"Yesterday in Louisiana, a judge denied an interracial couple a marriage license because he felt, I quote, their children would later suffer in life from being interracial. Like when they become president or win the Masters or get an Oscar."  --Jay Leno

"Talking to reporters today about the shutdown, John Boehner said, 'If ands or buts were candy and nuts, every day would be Christmas.' You know, if they'd get off our butts and quit squeezing our nuts, we could enjoy Christmas." –Jay Leno

"Well, here's a very bizarre story. People act strangely this time of year. In Toledo, Ohio, a man attacked a Salvation Army bell ringer, grabbed his red kettle, threw it in the back of his truck, yelled, 'I hate Christmas,' and drove off. Here's my question. What is Dick Cheney doing in Toledo, Ohio?" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

To be fair, she did make everyone very aware of alcohol (they mention they have a cat)

Uh, guys, listen to this. A school administrator in Louisiana was just arrested after she showed up to school drunk during alcohol awareness week. To be fair, she did make everyone very aware of alcohol. --Jimmy Fallon

It's being reported that the Jets had their locker room swept for listening devices before their recent game against the New England Patriots. The Jets became suspicious when they noticed an unmarked van parked in the shower. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Welcome to the club (cavity search)

Over the weekend, baseless rumors that President Trump had died circulated wildly on social media. "Welcome to the club," said Joe Biden through a Ouija board. —Greg Gutfeld

According to a new poll, alcohol consumption in the US has reached a record low. Finally, a problem that can actually be solved by Kamala Harris. —Greg Gutfeld

A brand new ICE detention facility called Louisiana Lockup just opened. And because it's near New Orleans, the guards will throw beads at you during the cavity search. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He was given a choice of having it done surgically or by marrying Meghan Markle (How fascism starts)

70,000 Cambodian monks have nominated Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize, but the White House asserts this has nothing to do with the newly opened Trump monastery in Cambodia. —Greg Gutfeld

A serial pedophile in Louisiana has agreed to be castrated as part of a plea deal. He was given a choice of having it done surgically or by marrying Meghan Markle. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

To be fair, she did make everyone very aware of alcohol (How can we make ourselves sound more like a male strip club?)

Uh, guys, listen to this. A school administrator in Louisiana was just arrested after she showed up to school drunk during alcohol awareness week. To be fair, she did make everyone very aware of alcohol. --Jimmy Fallon

I read that Toys"R"Us may be relaunching as a new store, called "Geoffrey's Toy Box." I guess executives were like, "How can we make ourselves sound more like a male strip club?" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know, if they'd get off our butts and quit squeezing our nuts, we could enjoy Christmas (Hey, an electric bread box!)

"Yesterday in Louisiana, a judge denied an interracial couple a marriage license because he felt, I quote, their children would later suffer in life from being interracial. Like when they become president or win the Masters or get an Oscar."  --Jay Leno

"Talking to reporters today about the shutdown, John Boehner said, 'If ands or buts were candy and nuts, every day would be Christmas.' You know, if they'd get off our butts and quit squeezing our nuts, we could enjoy Christmas." –Jay Leno

"Hey, has anybody seen John McCain? He was a guest on the 'Rachael Ray' show today. You know, I think he's trying to attract younger voters. I think it might have backfired on him a little bit. Like when Rachael Ray put something in the microwave, McCain said, 'Hey, that's a pretty fancy breadbox you've got there. "Hey, an electric bread box!'" --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Apparently, they’ve been having a lot of trouble with kids coveting their neighbor’s oxen (Tickle Me Heatstroke)

In other news, the governor of Louisiana signed a law this week requiring the Ten Commandments be posted in every public school classroom in the state, which is a brazen attack on the American idea of separation of church and state. Maybe they should also post the constitution in the Louisiana governor’s office so he can give it a read every once in a while. —Jimmy Kimmel

Thursday marked the longest day of the year and the official start of summer, which of course raises the question: what the hell has the past week been, if not summer?! It’s so hot in New York, the tourists in Times Square are lining up to have their photo taken with Tickle Me Heatstroke. —Stephen Colbert

“Louisiana yesterday became the first state to require public schools to display the Ten Commandments in every classroom. Apparently, they’ve been having a lot of trouble with kids coveting their neighbor’s oxen.” — Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They were flushing bribe money down the toilet (he ordered the invasion of Louisiana)

 

"In the Gulf of Mexico, 270 miles southwest of New Orleans, drillers have discovered what they say could be the largest oil reserve ever. Once the oil is drilled, it could boost our oil reserves by 50%. They said it would supply us with nearly 50 billion barrels of oil. In fact, the oil companies said this could cut the price of gas by almost a penny. When President Bush heard about this, he ordered the invasion of Louisiana." --Jay Leno

"President Bush also said last night we do not yet have full control of the border. Full control? If we had any less control, there'd be an easy-pass lane." --Jay Leno

"In what has become standard procedure in these kinds of situations, police conducted a room-by-room search of the Capitol building. That's just what congressmen want to hear this week -- a knock at the door and it's the police. They were flushing bribe money down the toilet." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How can we make ourselves sound more like a male strip club? (To be fair, she did make everyone very aware of alcohol)

Next up is Texas Senator Ted Cruz. His closing statement is, "I've wanted to represent the great people of Texas since the day I was spawned." --Jimmy Fallon

I read that Toys"R"Us may be relaunching as a new store, called "Geoffrey's Toy Box." I guess executives were like, "How can we make ourselves sound more like a male strip club?" --Jimmy Fallon

Uh, guys, listen to this. A school administrator in Louisiana was just arrested after she showed up to school drunk during alcohol awareness week. To be fair, she did make everyone very aware of alcohol. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

suddenly it’s illegal to teach kids in Florida public schools about their own governor (Affordable Leech Act)

New speaker of the House, Mike Johnson, has expressed some scary anti-gay positions. The Republican from Louisiana once said that gay marriage was a “dark harbinger of chaos and sexual anarchy”. Johnson’s wife Kelly runs Onward Christian Counseling Services, which offensively and outrageously equates being gay with bestiality. Evidently, Kelly believes it’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, and don’t get her started on Turner and Hooch. The counseling service separates people into five types: melancholy, choleric, sanguine, supine and phlegmatic. Those are some 13th-century beliefs! Which explains speaker Johnson’s plan to replace Obamacare with the Affordable Leech Act. —Stephen Colbert

“But it does seem that Ron DeSantis may be wearing heels. I tell you what, throw in a tube of lipstick, and suddenly it’s illegal to teach kids in Florida public schools about their own governor.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

They found someone who loves Jesus and hates democracy (because it makes it hotter)

I know why you're happy today the Republicans finally found someone who fits the glass slipper for Speaker of the House. —Bill Maher

I’ve never heard of Mike Johnson before. He may be the worst of the election deniers. So the Republicans have really found their sweet spot. They found someone who loves Jesus and hates democracy. —Bill Maher

Mike Johnson's on the shows now and they're asking him about him and his world view, he said pick up a Bible off the shelf and read it, that's my world view. That's what he's saying, talk to the hand, the one with the nail in it. —Bill Maher

Mike Johnson’s in a covenant marriage. I didn't know what this was, have you heard of this it's a thing in Louisiana where he's from, I guess it’s a thing in other places as well. A covenant marriage, like marriage isn't hard enough to get out of. A covenant marriage makes it very very very hard to get a divorce. It's for people who hear until death do you part and say I need something stronger. —Bill Maher

Mike Johnson is so conservative he actually wants to criminalize gay sex because it makes it hotter. —Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I just don't understand why... (like a bunch of street pigeons fighting over a french fry)

After over three weeks of chaos and squabbling in Congress, all 220 Republicans in the House voted for Mike Johnson of Louisiana, a far-right conservative that almost no one has heard of. I think they’re trying to bore everyone into forgetting how extreme he is. 

Mike Johnson is the fake name they give you when you call tech support so it sounds like you’re talking to someone in Kansas when you’re definitely talking to someone in Albania. Johnson was so under the radar that even Senator Susan Collins, a Republican from Maine, admitted to a reporter that she would need to Google him before offering comment. Well when you Google him, you’re going to need to put in more information than just the name Mike Johnson. 

Mike Johnson is such a common name, most of us went to school with one. My Mike Johnson played baseball. This Mike Johnson played a key role in the effort to overturn the election results and was, according to the New York Times, the ‘most important architect’ of the electoral college objections to the 2020 presidential election.

Nevertheless, he now leads the largest body of Congress and is second in line to the presidency, which Republicans celebrated with a large gathering on the Capitol steps. When asked about his unfounded objections to the 2020 election at a press conference, the caucus booed the reporter, which is ridiculous.

Imagine booing someone for asking a simple question after you paralyzed the government for three weeks of spectacle and humiliating incompetence where you screamed and yelled at each other like a bunch of street pigeons fighting over a french fry. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And you know, typical ex-wives, they always make the guy look like the bad one (Promise/Reality)

"Yesterday in Louisiana, a judge denied an interracial couple a marriage license because he felt, I quote, their children would later suffer in life from being interracial. Like when they become president or win the Masters or get an Oscar." --Jay Leno

"Well here's some good terrorist gossip. Osama bin Laden's first wife has written a book about him. And you know, typical ex-wives, they always make the guy look like the bad one." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow, they put their relationship to the hardest test any couple can (the good news is … there is no good news)

“The two potential speaker options for House Republicans: bad (Louisiana congressman Steve Scalise, an election denier who didn’t have the votes on Thursday) and worse (Ohio’s Jim Jordan, also an election denier accused of covering up sexual misconduct as a wrestling coach at Ohio State). You could not pick a worse speaker of the House. And keep in mind: the GOP just had Kevin McCarthy, so they tried. The bad news here is that the new speaker might be Jim Jordan. But the good news is … there is no good news.” —Stephen Colbert

“NFL star Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift, were photographed holding hands while entering the Saturday Night Live after-party. Wow, they put their relationship to the hardest test any couple can: going anywhere near Pete Davidson.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Which explains why every book comes with a bottle of Pepto-Bismol and a straw (This is Monopoly money)

Stormy Daniels has written a book about Donald Trump. An advance copy just came out. And she actually writes about her night with Trump in detail. Which explains why every book comes with a bottle of Pepto-Bismol and a straw. --Jimmy Fallon

Last night, Toys R Us officially filed for bankruptcy after falling $5 billion in debt. I guess they tried to pay it off, but the bank said, "This is Monopoly money." –Jimmy Fallon

A married couple in Louisiana was arrested after filming themselves having sex in a Walmart and a Burger King. Of course they were very embarrassed, so they told their friends it was a Target and a Wendy’s. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Today it just said, 'Eat me.' (sick time)

"An unnamed American entity is going to take over. The rumor is that it's Halliburton. Talk about arrogant. You know that sign Bush stands in front of all the time with the writing on it? Today it just said, 'Eat me.'" --Bill Maher

"Those two guys were up before the congressional Committee this week, which issued the report on Katrina, which lambasted the White House for wasting billions of dollars that was stolen, lost, we don't know where it is. Bush said history will call that a small price to pay if we wind up bringing democracy to Louisiana and it spreads to Mississippi and Florida." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I've wanted to represent the great people of Texas since the day I was spawned (To be fair, she did make everyone very aware of alcohol)

Next up is Texas Senator Ted Cruz. His closing statement is, "I've wanted to represent the great people of Texas since the day I was spawned."  --Jimmy Fallon

It just came out that Lady Gaga got engaged over the summer! The wedding will be pretty low key — just 50 or 60 costume changes. –Jimmy Fallon

Uh, guys, listen to this. A school administrator in Louisiana was just arrested after she showed up to school drunk during alcohol awareness week. To be fair, she did make everyone very aware of alcohol. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's amazing what you can accomplish when you lie (Screwing People Since 1897)

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal announced that he’s running for president, which makes him the 13th Republican to enter the race so far. Yeah, 13 Republican candidates — or as that’s also called, “A Banker’s Dozen.” –Jimmy Fallon

I saw that Canada is restoring a historic brothel that was owned by Trump's grandfather in 1897. They're even putting a plaque out front that says: "The Trumps: Screwing People Since 1897." –Jimmy Fallon

"Sarah Palin made her debut as a Fox News contributor tonight on 'The O'Reilly Factor.' I tried to record it, but my DVR quit halfway through." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”