Sorry, dude. You had your shot (Ouija board/Crying is not an emergency)

The CDC named mosquitoes as the world's deadliest animal, blaming it on 700,000 deaths each year, except for 2021 when another blood sucker called Fauci came in first. —Greg Gutfeld 

45 years after a lovesick John Hinckley tried to kill President Reagan in an attempt to impress Jodie Foster, Hinckley's reached out to the actress again. Sorry, dude. You had your shot. —Greg Gutfeld 

ICE will be given gloves that produce electric shocks to deal with rioters. After hearing the news, Don Lemon claimed there's an illegal immigrant up his butt. —Greg Gutfeld 

Kentucky governor Andy Beshear claimed he had not heard from Mitch McConnell about his recovery process. He thinks the main problem is that his Ouija board isn’t working. —Kat Timpf 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Welcome to the club (cavity search)

Over the weekend, baseless rumors that President Trump had died circulated wildly on social media. "Welcome to the club," said Joe Biden through a Ouija board. —Greg Gutfeld

According to a new poll, alcohol consumption in the US has reached a record low. Finally, a problem that can actually be solved by Kamala Harris. —Greg Gutfeld

A brand new ICE detention facility called Louisiana Lockup just opened. And because it's near New Orleans, the guards will throw beads at you during the cavity search. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That's how you get demons (This could plunge America into a huge crayon shortage)

"An Indiana Republican congressman named Mark Souder, a married man and father of three, one of these family advocate guys, has resigned after admitting to having an affair with a female staffer. In his resignation statement, he mentions God five times and his wife once. He knows there's a slight chance that God might forgive him. God might let it slide. Not the wife." –Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin and President Bush have new books coming out this fall. You know what that means? This could plunge America into a huge crayon shortage." –Jay Leno

"And Governor Sarah Palin gave her speech tonight at the GOP Convention, and it gave people who didn't know anything about her the chance to finally meet her, you know, like John McCain." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Because that's how you get demons (It’s going to be like Elmo versus Cocaine Bear)

March 2023

“Donald Trump is now blaming Mike Pence for the January 6th attack on the Capitol, which is the presidential equivalent of ‘if the teller had just put the money in the bag, everybody would’ve made it home safe.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Listen, Mike Pence can be blamed for a lot of things, like shampooing with white-out, but he didn’t cause January 6th. They tried to hang him on January 6th. I have to say, I can’t wait to see Pence debating Donald Trump. It’s going to be like Elmo versus Cocaine Bear.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Do you recall when Joe Biden, during his 2020 presidential campaign, promised: ‘No more drilling on federal lands, period. Period.’ Period, period, period … comma, as the Biden administration approved the Willow oil drilling project on federal land in Alaska. Which is disappointing, but hey, when you’re that age, that’s the only kind of drilling you can do.” —Kal Penn

“The drilling project includes a device called the thermosiphon, which keeps the permafrost solid enough for drilling while it simultaneously melts due to global warming. Guess Conoco Phillips has an irony division? I mean, keeping the permafrost alive so they can kill it slowly? That’s like some Silence of the Lambs serial killer shit.” —Kal Penn

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Because that's how you get demons (everyone will be watching)

October 2022

“There is a video of Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer hiding from the mob, relaying reports of rioters defecating in the Capitol. When I was watching this happen, I thought to myself it’s so interesting how people like Tucker Carlson were calling black people animals when the George Floyd protests were happening. But when these people were literally shitting in the Capitol, Fox was like, ‘These brave patriots are just expressing their frustration and standing up for American democracy!’ They’re not the animals? I can tell you for a fact that in Minnesota when shit was going down and people were raiding that Target, there was no black man who stopped in the middle of all of that and defecated.” —Trevor Noah

“As for Trump’s subpoena, I have one question: How are they only deciding on this now? Only now? It’s like doing a whole murder investigation and on the last day being like, ‘Should we, like, talk to the murderer?’” —Trevor Noah

“While most people assume Trump will not cooperate, but maybe the former president might feel conflicted. On the one hand, yes, he thinks this is a crooked witch-hunt that is out to get him, but on the other hand, the ratings. Can you imagine the ratings? This would be like the Super Bowl meets Watergate meets Game of Thrones meets a mandatory HR video about sexual harassment – everyone will be watching.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Apparently, the first thing they taught her was CPR (so committed to marriage, he can't stop doing it)

"Another Republican is about to announce he is running for president. Newt Gingrich is about to announce. Some people say Newt Gingrich may have trouble winning over traditional values voters because he has had three marriages. So as a result, the campaign has announced a new slogan, 'Newt Gingrich, so committed to marriage, he can't stop doing it.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday, the president of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, challenged John McCain to a debate. Did you know that? Yeah. McCain says if he wanted to be attacked by an extremist in an unfair environment, he'd appear on MSNBC. That's the way to do it in this country." --Conan O'Brien

 

Sarah Palin's been spending the last couple of days being briefed by advisers on what she needs to know to be John McCain's vice president. That's true. Yeah. Apparently, the first thing they taught her was CPR." --Conan O'Brien

 

"This morning, John McCain, I don't know if you saw this, he appeared as a guest on 'The View.' Did you see that? Yeah, there was kind of an awkward moment when McCain looked at Barbara Walters, he looked at her up and down and said, 'Man, if I was 20 years younger...' Sorry. Sorry for that image." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”