Or as Hunter Biden would call it, Tuesdays (he knew it definitely wasn’t Elton John)

Pete Davidson said that before going to rehab, he would do ketamine, acid, mushrooms, smoke weed, and eat pills. Or as Hunter Biden would call it, Tuesdays. —Tyrus 

Kristi Noem filed for divorce from her husband, citing irreconcilable differences despite the stereotype that men who wear enormous fake boobs go great with women who shoot dogs. —Kennedy 

An adopted 58-year-old man recently learned his biological father is rockstar Michael McDonald. He reportedly always wondered who his dad was, although he knew it definitely wasn’t Elton John. —Kennedy 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Mountain Dew Breast Milk Blast (Hold My Beer)

A group of hikers from Great Britain had to be rescued when they got lost after taking psychedelic mushrooms. More embarrassing, they never actually left the house. —Colin Jost

A new study shows that in the past twenty years prediabetes in children has more than doubled. Thanks largely to the popularity of Mountain Dew Breast Milk Blast. —Colin Jost

To understand this, I live in Staten Island where, you know, up until now, washing your hands before dinner was known as "coming out of the closet.” —Pete Davidson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow, they put their relationship to the hardest test any couple can (the good news is … there is no good news)

“The two potential speaker options for House Republicans: bad (Louisiana congressman Steve Scalise, an election denier who didn’t have the votes on Thursday) and worse (Ohio’s Jim Jordan, also an election denier accused of covering up sexual misconduct as a wrestling coach at Ohio State). You could not pick a worse speaker of the House. And keep in mind: the GOP just had Kevin McCarthy, so they tried. The bad news here is that the new speaker might be Jim Jordan. But the good news is … there is no good news.” —Stephen Colbert

“NFL star Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift, were photographed holding hands while entering the Saturday Night Live after-party. Wow, they put their relationship to the hardest test any couple can: going anywhere near Pete Davidson.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

And every single time it turns out they lied (Prince Harry's drag name)

To understand this, I live in Staten Island where, you know, up until now, washing your hands before dinner was known as coming out of the closet. —Pete Davidson

A popular new food item among people staying at home is whipped strawberry milk. Incidentally, "whipped strawberry milk" is also Prince Harry's drag name. —Colin Jost

Tuesday was National Beer Day, which was the first time alcohol has ever helped me remember what day it is. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He gave it all up just to marry and actor from Suits (The Definition of Sin)

April 2022

Honestly I don’t understand why Elon Musk even wants to own Twitter. It used to be something that seemed important and even fun and now you look at it, it’s confusing and depressing. It’s basically the Giuliani of Apps. —Colin Jost

Elon Musk built electric cars and is going to Mars. Why is he even involving himself with Twitter? It would be like if the Prince of England gave it all up just to marry and actor from Suits. —Colin Jost

Plus Twitter isn’t even that profitable anymore. It just feels like a bad business decision. And I say that as someone who bought a Staten Island Ferry with Pete Davidson. —Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Goodbye. We’re good. We got plenty (The enemy arrives by limousine)

January 2022

“And this was smart: to make Biden look good, they had the C.D.C. director go out first and open for him.” —Jimmy Fallon

“The press conference kicked off at 4 p.m. You can tell it was really important for Biden because that’s right in the middle of dinner.” —Jimmy Fallon

“For almost two hours, Biden took question after question about Russia, Covid, voter rights. He really got into why Denny’s breakfast menu is so sticky all the time.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The president took a lot of questions, too many questions. You know how at the end of most press conferences, the reporters are yelling ‘Mr. President, Mr. President!’? At the end of this one, they were like, ‘Goodbye. We’re good. We got plenty.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“It comes one day before his presidency hits the one-year mark, and he used the opportunity to highlight his administration’s key successes — successes such as vaccinating millions of Americans, low unemployment, and casually hooking up with Pete Davidson.” —James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry 

 

I hear it’s dating Pete Davidson (The beginning is near)

January 2022

“Several news outlets have discouraged people from trying to purposely get infected with Omicron to ‘get it over with.’ I wonder if I should deliberately try to catch Covid. I mean, all the other late-night hosts are doing it. James Corden, Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers, have all contracted Covid over the last two weeks. I’m starting to think they had a secret sleepover, and I wasn’t invited.” —Stephen Colbert

“Yes, getting Omicron is super-popular. I hear it’s dating Pete Davidson.” —Stephen Colbert

“And now, I don’t know what’s going on because the United States reported 1.5 million new infections yesterday. That is terrible, but kind of sweet that we all gave each other the same thing for Christmas.” —Stephen Colbert

“Soon, there’s going to be almost as many people in hospitals as there are TV shows about hospitals.” —Stephen Colbert

“The US also saw a record-breaking 145,000 Covid hospitalizations, with experts predicting a peak in the 300,000 range, though the CDC has offered a clarification on that statistic. Its director, Rochelle Walensky, estimated that 40% of the patients hospitalized with Covid are not presenting because of Covid symptoms, but coming in for something else and then having the virus detected. OK sure, but even if people aren’t coming in for Covid initially, the hospitals are still overflowing. That’s like saying ‘uh, technically, up to 40% of the people who drowned on the Titanic were already wet because they were in the bathtub when the ship went down, so not so bad.’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry  

 

Who would even be second place, like maybe Pete Davidson, maybe? (you’re competing against the Dalai Lama and the pope)

December 2021

“Time magazine today unveiled their annual person of the year, and that person is Elon Musk. Man, I’m so happy for him. Like the guy could really use an ego boost, you know?” —Trevor Noah

“And honestly you can’t argue with this. I mean, richest man in the world, who also control space, crypto and electric cars? Who would even be second place, like maybe Pete Davidson, maybe?” —Trevor Noah

“Yeah, Musk received the honor for his work in space exploration and after he bought 10 million subscriptions to Time magazine.” —Jimmy Fallon

“I’m kidding, although it was a little strange that everyone at Time drove into work today in a brand-new Tesla.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Being named person of the year is a big deal. It’s basically ‘sexiest man alive,’ but you’re competing against the Dalai Lama and the pope.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

harder than Matt Gaetz watching the new Saved by the Bell (you might still get a chance to date Pete Davidson)

December 2021

“There is a red-hot competition in the US housing market. For decades, owning a home has been one of the core parts of the American dream, just below dating Pete Davidson. But right now, actually buying a home has been harder than Matt Gaetz watching the new Saved by the Bell.” —Trevor Noah

“There’s also a generational divide at play, as millennial first-time prospective home buyers compete with baby boomers (and their lifetime savings) looking to downsize, leading many young people to either buy houses with friends or look for cheap fixer-uppers. Why do millennials love crappy old houses that no one else wants? Because it’s their only option! It’s like asking me in grade school, ‘Trevor, why do you love sitting by yourself at lunchtime?’ So that’s where we are right now: thanks to Boomers, and Wall Street, owning a home may soon no longer be the American Dream. The good news is, if you wait around long enough, you might still get a chance to date Pete Davidson.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s why they’re changing their logo from the donkey to Eeyore (save your panic for climate change)

November 2021

“Republicans won elections in several key states on Tuesday, including Virginia, where Glenn Youngkin won the race for governor. So, it was a disappointing night for Democrats, but Democrats are used to being disappointed. That’s why they’re changing their logo from the donkey to Eeyore.” —Stephen Colbert

“Some of you may be upset by the results, but don’t panic — save your panic for climate change.” —Stephen Colbert

“But the bigger loss was in Virginia, or as it’s known by its full name ‘East West Virginia.’ Because Virginia has been becoming more and more Democratic for years now. They voted for the first Black president and the first blackface governor.” —Trevor Noah

“Republicans figured out that they could use a twin strategy of keeping Trump’s MAGA base motivated by using the right-wing propaganda network to feed the red meat on the one hand, while also running a candidate who looks like the dentist who gives you the gas for a cleaning.” —Seth Meyers

“And what is especially shocking about this result is that Joe Biden won Virginia by 10 points just a year ago. That is a huge swing, people. That’s like a Kim Kardashian going from Kanye to Pete Davidson-level swing.” —Trevor Noah

“Yep, Republicans haven’t been this excited since they realized that you can print fake vaccine cards off of Google Images.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, ladies, prepare to get sent that fact a few thousand times this year (the flaming hot Cheetos incident)

I don't even know if it's about the disease or if it's the city saying, "don't get involved. You don't need that right now.” That's how crazy this pandemic is. We're learning that those weirdos who have sex in leather masks have been the smart ones all along. —Pete Davidson

Also it says the virus is not in semen. So, ladies, prepare to get sent that fact a few thousand times this year.  —Pete Davidson

But the craziest thing is that right after they tell you not to kiss, they immediately get into something so dirty I’m not even allowed to say it on air. So let's call them hiney smoocheroos. Seriously, I can't believe I have to sanitize the language of the health department to make it suitable for the show that brought you "dick in a box.” —Pete Davidson

They also warn you to wash up before masturbating which I already learned the hard way thanks to a flaming hot Cheetos incident. —Pete Davidson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I just love that New York has the same policy as the prostitute in Pretty Woman (If he goes, we all go)

You to understand this I live in Staten Island where, you know, up until now, washing your hands before dinner was known as "coming out of the closet.” —Pete Davidson

Everyone who isn't a flat-earther is isolating at home right now which means you're either having the most sex in your life or you're like me who can now identify any porn star by the back of her head. —Pete Davidson

It turns out people out there are still trying to hook up I saw where the city even had to put out a pamphlet last month called sex and the coronavirus 19. It says you could have sex but don't kiss anyone. I just love that New York has the same policy as the prostitute in Pretty Woman. —Pete Davidson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”