You're making Diddy uncomfortable (all ponies)

President Trump has fired Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem. You know, on some level, I feel bad for Kristi Noem. Imagine being singled out as the worst member of Trump's cabinet. That's like someone coming up to you at a party and saying, "We think you should leave. You're making Diddy uncomfortable.” —Colin Jost

Officials in New Mexico are reopening investigations into the ranch that Jeffrey Epstein owned. And they should have known something was up when Epstein's ranch was all ponies. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Law & Order: SVU starring Diddy (Council of Destruction)

President Trump has been inviting world leaders to join his Board of Peace, or be crushed by his Council of Destruction. —Colin Jost

Trump's Board of Peace consists of countries such as Russia and Saudi Arabia, which is like if "Law & Order: SVU” starred Diddy. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

as a member of the Illuminati, I know that we, the lizard people, control everything (Free the Files Not Ghislane)

Astronauts on the International Space Station are testing a new process that makes food using their own urine. They're also testing a new dessert called I Can't Believe It's Not Brownie! —Colin Jost

I just have to say, you know, in general, I don't really believe in conspiracies because as a member of the Illuminati, I know that we, the lizard people, control everything. And it's really hard to believe that Trump was so oblivious that he didn't notice his good friend was running an international pedophile ring, though I guess Trump is the one guy on Earth who thinks "YMCA" is a straight anthem. And on a basic level, it's just shocking how many alleged pedophiles Trump was friends with. Epstein, Prince Andrew, and Diddy. I mean, that's -- that's a lot, you know? I mean, think about your own friend group. How many pedophiles do you know? One. Maybe two. But Trump's like the Forrest Gump of meeting famous pedophiles. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Somehow, I finished ahead of the pope. Eat it, Leo! (How did I beat Diddy this year?)

On Thursday, Jimmy Kimmel celebrated his designation as the third-most-trending person on Google for the year 2025. And I just want to say, I couldn’t have done this — none of this would ever have happened without the support of loyal viewers like President Trump, who has done so much this year to raise awareness of our show. Thank you, Mr. President. for making me No. 3 in the world. — Jimmy Kimmel

“Somehow, I finished ahead of the pope. Eat it, Leo!” — Jimmy Kimmel 

“I beat Diddy! How did I beat Diddy this year?” — Jimmy Kimmel

 https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

I mean, where are you going to find 12 people who haven't had sex with Diddy? (planes can just follow the smell)

A new report shows that there have been at least nine incidents at Newark Airport where air-traffic controllers have lost contact with planes that were about to land. But luckily, it's Newark, so planes can just follow the smell. —Colin Jost

The first week of jury selection in the Sean Combs trial has ended without a jury being selected. Well, yeah, I mean, where are you going to find 12 people who haven't had sex with Diddy? —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It was either that or listen to his music (debate prep)

So according to a new book during his debate prep Joe Biden's handlers had to remind him to close his mouth when he wasn't speaking. They also urged him to close it when it was. —Greg Gutfeld

During his trial we learned Shawn Diddy Combs allegedly had a prostitute pee on his girlfriend. She was given a choice. It was either that or listen to his music. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m only going there to watch (a sentence so stupid)

President Trump impersonated a transgender weightlifter in a speech to graduates at the University of Alabama, which is a sentence so stupid it couldn't even get into the University of Alabama. —Michael Che

The sex trafficking trail of Sean Combs begins in New York next week and just like his parties I’m only going there to watch. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which is just incredible grip strength for a guy coated in baby oil (finish her!)

A woman has filed a lawsuit against Diddy, accusing him of assault and dangling her off a 17 story balcony, which is just incredible grip strength for a guy coated in baby oil. —Colin Jost

A man in Canada saved his wife after a polar bear lunged at her and he leapt onto the bear's back, shouting, finish her! —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”