like you were during the Roger Ailes scandal (two bonus minutes)

If you remember a few weeks ago the democrats proposed a $1 Trillion infrastructure deal, and Trump said, “Why not $2 Trillion?” So they said Okay. Today was just supposed to be hammering out the details, but it didn’t work out that way. Trump walked in, didn’t shake anyone’s hand or take a seat, and left before anyone else could speak. All told, it was over in three minutes. According to Stormy Daniels that’s two bonus minutes. --Stephen Colbert

Brian Kilmeade of Fox & Friends wondered why Kirsten Gillibrand would announce that she’s running for president on The Colbert Report. Colbert, “What gives Brian Kilmeade? I thought we were ‘& Friends’. First of all it’s not the Colbert Report. It’s the Colbert ‘Repor.’ The T is silent - like you were during the Roger Ailes scandal. --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, if it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, it could be anything! (let’s add another hundo)

At a campaign stop in New Hampshire over the weekend, Donald Trump said immigrants were “poisoning the blood of our country”. Many pointed out, accurately, that the term “blood poisoning” was used by Hitler in his manifesto Mein Kampf. But his sycophants on rightwing TV are once again trotting out the same excuses they’ve already used to dismiss Trump’s worst offenses for years now, he added, pointing to the Fox News host Brian Kilmeade, who chalked up outrage over Trump’s comments to people overreacting. They’re not even trying to do that thing any more where they say ‘what Trump really meant was … ’ and then translate his fascism into more polite words. They’re basically saying: ‘Hey, if it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, it could be anything!’ —Seth Meyers

Well, after marrying his cousin, giving a press conference at a landscaping company and almost masturbating in the Borat movie, Rudy Giuliani has finally slipped up. The verdict against Rudy Giuliani in the Georgia election workers’ defamation case awarded $148m to the plaintiffs, well above what they were asking for. They basically took the maximum, and put a 1 in front of it. Which if you ask me, is the funniest possible choice. They took one look at Rudy and said: ‘There’s no way he can afford to pay $48 million, so fuck it, let’s add another hundo.’ —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m afraid the Kraken was also indicted (a carnival of idiots)

Donald Trump’s former lawyer Sidney Powell has pleaded guilty to election interference after a string of offenses including hiring people to barge into a voting location. Her deal means she will be cooperating to provide information on Trump. Oh man the chicken McNuggets are coming home to roost. —Jimmy Kimmel

It is still shocking to refer to the former president as being involved in four criminal cases. One of which has seen a development with the aforementioned Sidney Powell pleading guilty after making unhinged claims about voter subversion. What really throws me off though is how she says all of those really crazy things in such a flat tone. At least Rudy Giuliani has the decency to scream when he’s being a fucking nutball. —Seth Meyers

Sidney Powell had also promised to ‘release the Kraken’ in reference to all of the incriminating information she allegedly had. She did release the Kraken but I’m afraid the Kraken was also indicted. —Seth Meyers

On Fox & Friends the host Brian Kilmeade referred to the Republican party as ‘a carnival of idiots’ which coincidentally was the original title for Fox & Friends. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He’s going to keep on going till he loses unanimously (find out where the line is and cross it deliberately)

And it’s not just Republican politicians who are mad at what’s going on. Conservative pundits are also mad at them. Not mad at them for nominating an election-denying coup plotter like Jim Jordan, mind you, but for not lining up behind him. The Fox News host Brian Kilmeade, for example, was caught on a hot mic calling a GOP lawmaker who didn’t vote for Jordan a ‘dumbass’. You know how bad things are for you when Brian Kilmeade is calling you a dumbass? —Seth Meyers

It’s been two weeks since Republicans opened the Matt Gaetz of hell and threw away the key, and they’re no closer to having a speaker of the House. In his second vote, Jim Jordan lost by an even wider margin than his first attempt at becoming speaker. But he’s not giving up! He’s going to keep on going till he loses unanimously. —Jimmy Kimmel 

Jim Jordan lost by even more votes on his second vote – it’s like retaking the SAT and finding out you got dumber somehow. —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean, does he have a collection of paintings that weren’t by Hitler? (Poe Dancing)

April 2023

“Whenever something really big happens that involves Fox News, the last people to hear about it are usually the people who watch Fox News. The network tends to hide news about itself from its own viewers. Last night there were probably a bunch of 80-year-olds watching substitute host Brian Kilmeade, saying, ‘Tucker looks different now.’” —Seth Meyers

“Man, when Fox cuts ties with someone, they cut ties. That’s the Fox News version of rolling up someone in a carpet and throwing them in the East River.” —Seth Meyers

“But what could they have on Tucker Carlson that would embarrass him? Did he once try to buy a fuel-efficient car? I mean, does he have a collection of paintings that weren’t by Hitler?” —Jimmy Kimmel

“This week also saw news that Donald Trump might skip the presidential debates as he doesn’t want to subject himself to Maga-hating anchors. I bet this is gonna be like WrestleMania when he says he’s not gonna be there then in the middle of the debate he runs out on stage and hits Ron DeSantis over the head with a folding chair.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What did you do during the war on drugs dad? (they’re going to have to put down Sean Hannity)

April 2023

“I am glad that there is some accountability here. But still, I am pretty disappointed we are not going to get a trial, because all the Fox anchors would have been forced to testify. It would have been like the ‘Seinfeld’ finale, but instead of soup Nazis, it’s just Nazis.” —Jordan Klepper

“Since Fox is going to have to pay nearly a billion dollars, they’ll need to implement cost-cutting measures. Sadly, they have to fire Brian Kilmeade’s reading tutor, Jeanine Pirro has to switch to the cheap box of wine, development on a third Doocy has been halted. They’re going to have to switch from Jesse Watters to tap waters. And of course, they’re going to have to put down Sean Hannity.” —Jordan Klepper

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Imagine being so ashamed of your history... (Capeesh?)

March 2023

“With Donald Trump under at least four different criminal investigations and after he tanked three successive elections, including last year’s midterms, there’s been a question as to whether rightwing media would finally pivot away from him and embrace Florida governor Ron DeSantis. 

It started to seem like maybe that would happen, with fawning profiles and a literal softball interview in which host Brian Kilmeade played catch with DeSantis. But on Monday evening, Sean Hannity gave Trump the floor on his show to disparage DeSantis and to claim that his Truth Social post calling for ‘death & destruction’ should he be arrested was not actually calling for death and destruction. 

Or, as Trump put it: ‘I said I’m afraid that if they do this, which is a fake prosecution…I am afraid that people will do something.’ Yeah, he didn’t say, ‘I’m going to burn down your restaurant.’ He said, ‘it would be a shame if something were to happen to your nice restaurant in the middle of the night, say 2am or so, capeesh?’” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He’s constantly terrified that they’ll find a new, more satisfying glory hole (Did I stab that fella?)

February 2023

“There was a stunning deposition by Rupert Murdoch, the billionaire owner of Fox News, in the defamation lawsuit against the network by Dominion Voting Systems. Murdoch admitted under oath that Fox hosts Sean Hannity, Jeanine Pirro, Lou Dobbs and Maria Bartiromo and others knowingly endorsed Donald Trump’s lie about the 2020 election and undermined Joe Biden’s victory. But when asked if Fox News endorsed Trump’s big election lies, Murdoch answered ‘Not Fox … No. Not Fox’. But if your most viewed hosts endorsed it, then your network endorsed it! I’d like to see this guy in a murder trial – ‘did I stab that fella? No. I mean, my hand did, but he’s an independent contractor.’” —Stephen Colbert

“We dug into the Murdoch deposition, though I wouldn’t call what we found out shocking. Fox knew the election wasn’t stolen but they said it anyway? That’s not shocking. If Brian Kilmeade ever completed a Wordle – that would be shocking.— Hasan Minhaj

“I’m not shocked, but I will say: I am very entertained, because of all the text messages between Fox News hosts revealed in discovery. There’s LinkedIn you. And then there’s iMessage you. That’s the deep, dark underbelly of who you really are. And boy oh boy were these iMessages good. For example, Tucker Carlson sent Laura Ingraham a text saying: ‘Sidney Powell is lying … it’s insane.’ Ingraham responded: ‘She is a complete nut.’ Carlson also called Trump a ‘demonic force’. Ingraham referred to Rudy Giuliani as an ‘idiot’, while Hannity texted that he ‘was acting like an insane person’. Oh my God, do you know what this means? These people are secretly sane. They also don’t respect anyone they have on their show. These guys are texting each other all day about how bullshit Fox News is. Their group chat is basically MSNBC. There was one text from Carlson that truly freaks me out. Carlson wrote: ‘Do the executives understand how much credibility and trust we’ve lost with our audience? We’re playing with fire … for real and alternative like Newsmax could be devastating to us.’ Think of it like this: Tucker Carlson is a moral vacuum. A hole, if you will, who glorifies election deniers. So, a glory hole. And his viewers expect him to please them with his mouth. And he’s constantly terrified that they’ll find a new, more satisfying glory hole. And that’s why Tucker Carlson will never stop sucking.” — Hasan Minhaj

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Offering his Twitter back is like offering Keith Richards a cigarette (climate vs company)

April 2022

“Truth Social is getting a boost from the news that Elon Musk is buying Twitter. Their app is now No. 1 on the Apple Store free app chart. We know this because Trump released a statement that said, ‘Truth Social is No. 1 in the Apple App store,’ a statement he did not bother to post on Truth Social, by the way, because no one would see it there.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“He still hasn’t posted on his own Truth Social app since the day it launched back in February. The last time he ignored something this much, it was named Eric.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Trump is claiming that he wouldn’t return to Elon Musk’s Twitter if allowed. I’m sorry, but there’s no way Trump won’t immediately go back to tweeting if he’s given the chance. Trump doesn’t have the self-restraint to stay off Twitter. Offering his Twitter back is like offering Keith Richards a cigarette.” —Seth Meyers

“Former congressman Devin Nunes appeared on Fox News and practically begged the hosts to join Trump’s Truth Social site. Every time you think your life is bad, just remember: you could be a former congressman begging Brian Kilmeade, a man with the eyes of a cabbage patch doll, to send out truths. Fox News host Steve Doocy told Nunes, on-air, that he couldn’t join Truth Social because of a waitlist. A waiting list? Isn’t the whole point of the internet that everything is instant? This is like if you clicked on Apple maps and it was just a list of places where you could buy a map.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I don’t think we give the Fox News gang enough credit for their acting — it’s really good (company policy)

December 2021

“The records show that then-White House chief of staff Mark Meadows also received a text from Fox News host Brian Kilmeade that said, ‘Please get him on TV. He’s destroying everything we’ve accomplished.’ That is a shocking revelation — they had to beg Trump to go on TV?” —Seth Meyers

“And I love that they were so concerned that this could ruin Trump’s legacy: ‘If he gets somebody killed today, no one will remember that time he told everyone to drink bleach.” —Trevor Noah

“If one person at your network has no integrity, that’s a problem. If nobody has integrity, that’s a company policy.” —Trevor Noah

“If you’re looking for some silver lining here, I don’t think we give the Fox News gang enough credit for their acting — it’s really good.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

What you’re doing is crazy (Her side gig)

December 2021

“There have been revelations that Fox News commentators Brian Kilmeade, Sean Hannity and Laura Ingraham sent pleading texts to Mark Meadows on Jan. 6, asking President Donald J. Trump to speak out and stop the insurrection. Meadows, Trump’s last chief of staff, even got an Instagram post from Judge Jeanine’s box of wine.” —Stephen Colbert

“Yeah, it came out that Fox News hosts were begging for Trump to do something. And today Fox News hosts lit their tree on fire again just to change the subject.” —Jimmy Fallon

“So, the Jan. 6 attack scared Laura Ingraham — and keep in mind, her side gig is appearing in your bathroom mirror if you whisper ‘Medicare for all’ three times.” —Stephen Colbert

“Trump was like, ‘If I replied to every text that said 'What you’re doing is crazy,' I’d never get anything done.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

I guess you don’t have to wear protection when you go **** yourself (Did someone say Open Bar?)

December 2021

“Given fears about transmissibility of the variant, which is still poorly understood, New York City mayor Bill de Blasio this week unveiled the nation’s first vaccine mandate for private companies, which will apply to 184,000 businesses. That’s the full range of New York businesses, from Famous Original Ray’s Pizza, to Original Ray’s Famous Pizza Ray. De Blasio also imposed proof of vaccination requirements for all kids between the ages of 5 and 11 entering restaurants, theaters and gyms. That’s great, we’ve got to make it safe for our 6-year-olds to hit the leg press.” —Stephen Colbert

“Still, the only thing spreading faster than Omicron is misinformation from conservatives. Georgia representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, tweeted over the weekend: ‘Every single year more than 600,000 people in the US die from cancer. The country has never once shut down. Not a single school has closed.’ Because cancer is not contagious, you nimrod. That’s like comparing apples and oranges to cancer.” —Stephen Colbert

“Marjorie Taylor Greene wasn’t the only GOP lawmaker to sow doubt over the legitimacy of a virus variant. On Fox News host Brian Kilmeade’s radio show last week, Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson said: ‘Fauci did the exact same thing with Aids. He overhyped it.’ Yes, Aids: the pandemic the federal government famously took too seriously. Well, if Aids was overhyped, Senator Johnson, then I guess you don’t have to wear protection when you go fuck yourself.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

There’s a picture of a horse on the bottle, it’s fine! (That’s why I blink as often as a sphinx)

August 2021

“I gotta say, when I first heard that Fox News was pushing Ivermectin, I knew it was gonna be bad, but I was not expecting it to be horse dewormer. It sounds like the name of a drug they give supersoldiers in a Paul Verhoeven movie to turn them into Robocops.” —Seth Meyers

“You know someone at the company that made Ivermectin once said, ‘Hey, should we put “not for people” on the horse pill labels?’ and someone else said, ‘There’s a picture of a horse on the bottle, it’s fine!’” —Seth Meyers

“First, it was hydroxychloroquine, then it was bleach, powerful lights, now it’s horse dewormer? I’m honestly terrified to imagine what’s next. One day, we’re gonna wake up and Brian Kilmeade’s gonna be telling people you can cure Covid by eating kibble and sleeping in a bed of kitty litter: [imitating Kilmeade] ‘Works for me. That’s why I blink as often as a sphinx.’” —Seth Meyers

“You know who the real victims are here? The horses who can’t get their worm pills.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Come on. It doesn’t pass the smell test (Oh, You mean 0.15 Iraq Wars?)

Brian Kilmeade of Fox & Friends wondered why Kirsten Gillibrand would announce that she’s running for president on The Colbert Report. Colbert, “What gives Brian Kilmeade? I thought we were ‘& Friends’. First of all it’s not the Colbert Report. It’s the Colbert ‘Repor.’ The T is silent - like you were during the Roger Ailes scandal. --Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert as Donald Trump talking about Elizabeth Warren’s home video: “Look, the whole thing’s ridiculous. Can you imagine a wife being glad her husband’s there? Come on. It doesn’t pass the smell test.” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the only way Trump will be able to pay for his wall is if he marries Jeff Bezos (I'm a great precedent)

It's not good. Due to the shutdown, the FDA has rolled back their food inspections, or as romaine lettuce put it, "I'm back, baby! Yeah, boy! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!" --Jimmy Fallon

Today, Trump also said he's prepared to declare a national emergency to get money for his border wall. It's pretty historic for Trump. This will be the first thing he declares that's not bankruptcy. --Jimmy Fallon

Well, I saw that "Fox & Friends" host Brian Kilmeade said Trump using a national emergency to get the wall would set a terrible precedent. And Trump said, "Wait. What did you just call me? I'm a great precedent." --Jimmy Fallon

The way this shutdown is going the only way Trump will be able to pay for his wall is if he marries Jeff Bezos. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

At this point, think of anything, and there's probably a tape of Trump doing it (Great Job Debbie)

Omarosa's new book "Unhinged" is out. And it's already an Amazon best-seller. That's just because Trump frantically bought up all the copies so no one can read it. --Jimmy Fallon

On "Fox & Friends" this morning, Brian Kilmeade said that Omarosa had outsmarted Trump. But to be fair, Trump also been outsmarted by the child safety locks in his limo. --Jimmy Fallon

White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders couldn't guarantee that there's no tape of Trump using racial slurs. Sarah said, "At this point, think of anything, and there's probably a tape of Trump doing it." --Jimmy Fallon

Home Depot just had its best quarter in company history. When asked what they'll do with the money, Home Depot said, "Hire a second employee." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Her date wore a red laser dot on his head

"In a new interview, President Obama revealed that his daughter Malia recently went to her first prom. She wore a corsage on her wrist while her date wore a red laser dot on his head." –Jimmy Fallon

"The NRA is accusing a Texas gun rights group of going too far after the group has posted YouTube videos of their members walking into restaurants with semi-automatic rifles. The NRA saying you've gone too far is like Johnny Depp telling you you're wearing too many scarves." –Seth Meyers



"I don't want to complicate your hatred of facial hair there, friend, but my guess is if you gave Bob Bergdahl a bandana and a duck, you'd like him just-f**king-fine." -Jon Stewart, reacting to "Fox and Friends" cohost Brian Kilmeade's criticism of the father of freed American POW Bowe Bergdahl