Which sounds to me more Fire Island than Staten Island (Just an average day for Florida Man!)

January 2014

"The President gave a great State of the Union address. The President said we must stay vigilant against foreign threats – and yet – Justin Bieber remains a free man." –Bill Maher

"One congressman brought with him as his guest to the State of the Union the Duck Dynasty guy. Wild guess which party. It was Republican Congressman from Louisiana Vance McAllister. When asked why he said, swear to God, 'I wanted to bring some diversity to our nation's capital.' Yes, affirmative action for rednecks! This is what this nation needs. When will white people get a seat at the table in this country?"  –Bill Maher

"Poor Atlanta…what a thing they went through with that winter storm…drivers were stranded, traffic was at a standstill and everyone was asking the same question: 'What did we do to piss off Chris Christie?'" –Bill Maher

"It seems like every week we get introduced to some new frothing lunatic who's actually in Congress, and this week it was Michael Grimm. He's a Republican from Gold's Gym. I'm sorry Staten Island. His hobbies are lifting weights and losing his temper. He was being interviewed after the State of the Union by some reporter, and apparently got pissed off and threatened to throw the reporter off the balcony, and said to him, 'I will break you in half like a boy.' Which sounds to me more Fire Island than Staten Island." –Bill Maher

"Ted Cruz already is calling Obama the 'Imperial President,' which he sees as a threat to his title, 'Supreme A**hole.'" –Bill Maher

"New Rule: If polls show we now live in an America that can accept gay marriage and legal marijuana it's time we knocked over the next social domino – Puritanism - especially as it pertains to our elected leaders. Let's stop being a nation of grade school prudes about adult consensual sex and accept that politicians aren't boy scouts – that's just a costume they wear on Grindr." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

He thinks people still read The New York Times (Lame Duck Dynasty)

September 2013

"Russian President Vladimir Putin wrote a scolding Op-Ed piece in The New York Times. He thinks people still read The New York Times." –Craig Ferguson 

"If you haven't seen The New York Times piece, Putin said America should stay out of Syria. And then Putin said Khloe should dump Lamar because it's for his own good." –Craig Ferguson

"Syrian President Assad says he is turning over his chemical weapons because Russia asked him to, 'not because of the U.S. threatening to bomb him.' Yeah, and Osama bin Laden is at the bottom of the ocean right now because he enjoys scuba diving." –Jay Leno

"Plans are being discussed for a reality show based on the White House. It's called 'Lame Duck Dynasty.'" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

There's a guy in a dress named Francis here to see you

While visiting America, Pope Francis secretly met with Kim Davis, the county clerk who denied marriage licenses to gay couples. At first she refused to meet with the Pope because she was told, “There's a guy in a dress named Francis here to see you.” –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump's wife, an immigrant from Slovenia, says she lets Trump be himself. She said, in return, he lets me be in America. –Conan O’Brien

Governor Bobby Jindal's presidential campaign is angrily insisting that the "Duck Dynasty" cast supports him and not Donald Trump. And that is the current report on the state of the Bobby Jindal campaign. –Conan O’Brien

Tesla has debuted a new car which is equipped with a device that instantly clears the air of toxins. Basically you activate it when you're driving behind a Volkswagen. –Conan O’Brien

A great weekend for wild animals

"Donald Trump says that he is more serious than ever about running for president in 2016. He hasn't spelled out his platform yet. But he has spelled the out the word 'Trump' on his platform." –Jimmy Kimmel

"This weekend the Conservative Political Action Conference, CPAC, featured several speakers including Sarah Palin and Phil Robertson from 'Duck Dynasty.' It was a good weekend for conservatives — and a great weekend for wild animals." –Jimmy Fallon



Her date wore a red laser dot on his head

"In a new interview, President Obama revealed that his daughter Malia recently went to her first prom. She wore a corsage on her wrist while her date wore a red laser dot on his head." –Jimmy Fallon

"The NRA is accusing a Texas gun rights group of going too far after the group has posted YouTube videos of their members walking into restaurants with semi-automatic rifles. The NRA saying you've gone too far is like Johnny Depp telling you you're wearing too many scarves." –Seth Meyers



"I don't want to complicate your hatred of facial hair there, friend, but my guess is if you gave Bob Bergdahl a bandana and a duck, you'd like him just-f**king-fine." -Jon Stewart, reacting to "Fox and Friends" cohost Brian Kilmeade's criticism of the father of freed American POW Bowe Bergdahl 



300-pound guys blocking things

"The Super Bowl this year will be played in Governor Chris Christie's home state of New Jersey. It's a state that lately has gotten used to 300-pound guys blocking things." –Conan O'Brien



"One congressman brought with him as his guest to the State of the Union the Duck Dynasty guy. Wild guess which party. It was Republican Congressman from Louisiana Vance McAllister. When asked why he said, swear to God, 'I wanted to bring some diversity to our nation's capital.' Yes, affirmative action for rednecks! This is what this nation needs. When will white people get a seat at the table in this country?"  –Bill Maher



"Poor Atlanta…what a thing they went through…drivers were stranded, traffic was at a standstill and everyone was asking the same question: 'What did we do to piss off Chris Christie?'" –Bill Maher