Apparently theres a party on Isle 15 (don’t send out an e-vite for Fight Club)

Numerous intelligence officials are agog at the SignalGate scandal; one posted on X: “My junior analysts know not to do this. Yes, everyone understands this! The characters in Fight Club understand this! It’s why the first rule of Fight Club is don’t send out an e-vite for Fight Club. —Stephen Colbert

Michael Waltz, Trump’s national security adviser, who invited Jeffrey Goldberg to the Signal chat, tried to defend himself in an interview with Fox News’s Laura Ingraham, at once taking responsibility and claiming that Goldberg’s number was “somehow sucked in” to his phone. “It gets sucked in?” OK, so you’re discussing military secrets on an app that’s so insecure that the numbers of people you’ve never spoken to just get sucked in, and then that person is part of the chat? Well, something sucks, but I don’t think it’s the numbers. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it would break through the wall like the Kool-Aid man (distracted by The White Lotus)

Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth, whose group text on Signal regarding the administration’s plans to bomb Houthi targets in Yemen accidentally included Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg. Back in my day if you were a journalist who wanted leaked war documents, you had to work the sources, meet them in a dark garage, earn the trust, pound the pavement. Now? Just wait for the national security adviser to be distracted by The White Lotus while he’s setting up his Bomb Yemen group chat. —Jon Stewart

The Trump administration has put sensitive military information in a group chat with journalist Jeffrey Goldberg. In other words, our national security is being guarded by a bunch of doofs you wouldn’t trust to throw your cousin a surprise party. No one on the chain thought to ask: ‘Who is JG? What are these initials?’ They could’ve been leaking secrets to Jeff Goldblum, for all they knew. If Joe Biden’s top military team accidentally texted these plans to a journalist, Laura Ingraham’s erection would be so rock strong, it would break through the wall like the Kool-Aid man. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, that's the same pass code I use for the nuclear codes (4,000 gallons of fake blood)

You guys see this? During his meeting in the Oval Office, Kanye took out his cellphone and you could actually see his pass code when he typed it in. Watch this. 0-0-0-0-0-0. Then Trump said, "Hey, that's the same pass code I use for the nuclear codes." --Jimmy Fallon

​​I'm very excited about this. There's another new episode of "Game of Thrones" this weekend. I read that the show set a record by using 4,000 gallons of fake blood. Even crazier, the previous record holder? "Golden Girls." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sorry, but you can’t complain about a neck bite after you open the door and invite in a vampire (He’d never side against one of his own)

December 2022

“We are celebrating Raphael Warnock’s victory over Herschel Walker in the Georgia runoff election on Tuesday, which secured a clear majority in the US Senate for Democrats. Walker, a former football star backed by Donald Trump, was so deeply unqualified that much of the time it seemed like he didn’t even know what was going on. Walker’s loss – the latest disappointment for a slate of Trump-backed candidates – was greeted with light condemnation from Republican pundits. On Fox News, Laura Ingraham and Kellyanne Conway blamed Walker’s loss on the fact that ‘a lot of people’ at the ‘top of the Republican party’ told voters not to vote early or by mail for the past few elections. It’s so amazing to watch these people suddenly start complaining about the consequences of their own actions. You were Trump’s fiercest supporters when he was claiming mail-in voting led to fraud, and now you’re whining that the Republicans don’t vote by mail? Sorry, but you can’t complain about a neck bite after you open the door and invite in a vampire.” —Seth Meyers

“Laura Ingraham, with the energy of a country club patron who’s been made aware they’ve changed chefs, also blamed Senate Republicans for not campaigning enthusiastically enough for Walker. You’re mad that Senate Republicans didn’t want Walker to join them? You think they wanted to spend all their down time between votes talking about whether vampires are cooler than werewolves. You think that’s Mitch McConnell’s idea of a good time? Besides, you know he’s going to pick vampires. He’d never side against one of his own.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What you’re doing is crazy (Her side gig)

December 2021

“There have been revelations that Fox News commentators Brian Kilmeade, Sean Hannity and Laura Ingraham sent pleading texts to Mark Meadows on Jan. 6, asking President Donald J. Trump to speak out and stop the insurrection. Meadows, Trump’s last chief of staff, even got an Instagram post from Judge Jeanine’s box of wine.” —Stephen Colbert

“Yeah, it came out that Fox News hosts were begging for Trump to do something. And today Fox News hosts lit their tree on fire again just to change the subject.” —Jimmy Fallon

“So, the Jan. 6 attack scared Laura Ingraham — and keep in mind, her side gig is appearing in your bathroom mirror if you whisper ‘Medicare for all’ three times.” —Stephen Colbert

“Trump was like, ‘If I replied to every text that said 'What you’re doing is crazy,' I’d never get anything done.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

I could only hear my own thoughts in the voice of MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell (That’s where we’re at now)

November 2021

“Republicans and Fox News pundits are misleading Americans on the state of the economy. These people are willing to lie so brazenly and shamelessly about anything. There’s no doubt that there are serious issues, between inflation and the supply chain crisis, but last night Fox host Laura Ingraham tried to compare the economic records of Trump and Biden in the most deceptive way possible with a graphic that blamed Biden for the fact that 3 million fewer Americans were working in October 2021 compared with when Trump was president in December 2019. Huh, I can’t remember, did anything major happen between those two numbers? I’m sorry if I was a little foggy, I was trapped in an attic for a few months wiping down doorknobs with Lysol and hoarding the last scraps of toilet paper I could buy off the black market while slowly descending into a madness so fully encompassing that for long stretches of time, I could only hear my own thoughts in the voice of MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell.” —Seth Meyers

“Not only are Republicans and Fox News lying about the economy, they’re also so fundamentally opposed to addressing those issues or even having a functioning government that they’re now threatening to purge any members from their ranks who voted for Biden’s infrastructure bill. Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene, for example, called the 13 representatives who voted for the bill ‘traitors’, while the former White House chief of staff Mark Meadows said they should be stripped of their committee assignments. That’s where we’re at now, keeping roads and bridges from falling apart is considered giving Democrats a win, instead of something good for the country.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

what kind of baby spy thriller were you watching? (Biden Inert)

“So of course the first question for these Republicans is ‘How do we destroy Lt. Col. Vindman?’ The patriots over at Fox News found it very suspicious that our top Ukraine expert is from Ukraine. And it is suspicious when you learn someone in the Trump administration has actual expertise in his field.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Now, mind you, uh, Vindman was 3 years old when he came to the U.S., so he didn’t move here — he was moved here by his parents. Right? Because now they’re making it seem like he was like a double agent for Ukraine. Like, what kind of baby spy thriller were you watching?” —Trevor Noah

“Hey, Laura Ingraham, you’re attacking a decorated veteran to protect Donald Trump. Who do you think you are, Donald Trump? And by the way, yes, Colonel Vindman emigrated from Ukraine when he was 3. Nobody even remembers where they were when they were 3, with the possible exception of you. I’m sure when you were 3 you were already at Saks Fifth Avenue making a salesperson cry.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Try rolling up the agreement and spanking me with it (Cardi B calls me out)

The new deal gives Trump less than 1.4 Billion for just 55 miles of fences. The border is 2,000 miles long. And remember how Trump shut down the government after a border bill back in December? Well, that deal offered him 1.6 Billion for fencing. That is some A-plus negotiating. Colbert as Trump, “Okay, here we go. You write a number on a slip of paper, pass it across the table to me, okay. Then I’m gonna shut down the table for a month until everyone gets really mad and Cardi B calls me out. Then, I’ll reopen the table, and you slide me an even smaller number, and I say yes. Deal Art-ed. I showed you the art. Show-art.” --Stephen Colbert

Trump didn’t get what he wanted, and his TV friends noticed and they’re being mean about it. Lou Dobbs tweeted, “Their deal is an insult to POTUS and the American people.” Laura Ingraham called it “pathetic.” And Sean Hannity said this bill is a “garbage compromise.” And this afternoon, Trump agreed with those people who he agrees with. Colbert as Trump, “No, it’s not doing the trick, okay. Try rolling up the agreement and spanking me with it. That might do the trick.” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

There's also a law against starting a fake university, but that's different (You know what to do)

President Trump is continuing to blame Democrats for his new zero-tolerance immigration policy that has taken thousands of children from their parents and forced them into the detention centers. Even with a hell storm of criticism coming his way from Republicans and Democrats alike, the president is digging in — as he does — he keeps saying there's a law requiring him to do this. Which, first of all, no, there isn't, that's complete B.S. Secondly, since when did Donald Trump start caring about the law? There's also a law against starting a fake university, but that's different. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Happy Easter, dammit! (Lobotomized Barbie)

The president started Easter with a tweet. He wrote “HAPPY EASTER!” in all caps. Happy Easter, dammit! --Jimmy Kimmel

Today, on the day after Easter, the White House had the 140th annual Easter Egg Roll. This has been going on since 1878 when Rutherford B. Hayes was president. This year it was different, though — Trump heard “egg roll” and promised to make the Chinese pay for it. --Jimmy Kimmel

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html