Why doesn't anyone want to be a teacher? (And better yet, she was delicious)

The Guinness Book of World Records has declared a Texas chicken named Pearl as the oldest in the world at 14 years 69 days. And better yet, she was delicious. —Greg Gutfeld

In response to Trump's efforts to reign in crime in DC, Hakeem Jeffries says the real crime scene is in the White House, which makes sense since abusing a corpse for four years is a crime. —Greg Gutfeld

Judge Pirro announced there is a $5 million bounty on a Haitian gang member known as Barbecue. It's the most money spent on a barbecue since The View slow roasted that elephant. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

filmed in a Florida condo on a leather couch (Political Language Explained)

 

President Trump says he will appoint Fox News host Jeanine Pirro as interim U.S. attorney for Washington, D.C. Pirro celebrated the news with a bottle of wine every day for the last 50 years. —Michael Che

President Trump announced plans for a 100% tariff on movies made outside the U.S., which is no problem for me, because all the movies I watch were filmed in a Florida condo on a leather couch. —Michael Che

K-Pop star Lisa is being criticized for her Met Gala outfit that appeared to feature images of Rosa Parks on the crotch. But at least they put her in the front. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

What did you do during the war on drugs dad? (they’re going to have to put down Sean Hannity)

April 2023

“I am glad that there is some accountability here. But still, I am pretty disappointed we are not going to get a trial, because all the Fox anchors would have been forced to testify. It would have been like the ‘Seinfeld’ finale, but instead of soup Nazis, it’s just Nazis.” —Jordan Klepper

“Since Fox is going to have to pay nearly a billion dollars, they’ll need to implement cost-cutting measures. Sadly, they have to fire Brian Kilmeade’s reading tutor, Jeanine Pirro has to switch to the cheap box of wine, development on a third Doocy has been halted. They’re going to have to switch from Jesse Watters to tap waters. And of course, they’re going to have to put down Sean Hannity.” —Jordan Klepper

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Harsh, accurate words (Do I get a sash?)

“Last night, the former sat down with Tucker Carlson who, thanks to revelations from the Dominion lawsuit, we now know hates the president passionately, privately texting that he’s ‘a demonic force.’ Harsh, accurate words.” — Stephen Colbert

“A judge sanctioned Fox News on Wednesday for withholding evidence relevant to Dominion Voting Systems’ lawsuit. He said he would probably appoint a ‘special master’ — an outside lawyer — to investigate whether the network had misled the court. So the job is to figure out whether Fox News lies? Hold on, hold on — am I a special master? Do I get a sash?” —Stephen Colbert

“Over in Fox News today they began jury selection in Dominion’s $1.6 billion defamation suit against Fox, and this trial’s gonna be juicy. For instance, the judge has ruled that Dominion can compel testimony from Fox News personalities Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity and Jeanine Pirro. And to make sure Jeanine Pirro tells the truth, they’re swearing her in on a box of wine.” —Stephen Colbert

“So the judge is furious because Fox withheld the tapes. Although to be fair to Fox, they might not have known which embarrassing Rudy Giuliani tape they were being asked for. The one where the oil was leaking from his head or the one where he’s farting in court? The one where he’s unbuttoning his pants for Borat’s daughter? Or could it be the one where he held a press conference outside a dildo shop? How are they supposed to keep track of them all?” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He wanted to get that pack of smokes he forgot in the Lincoln bedroom (You're on the Commie List now)

April 2022

“Former President Barack Obama made his first return to the White House in five years on Tuesday. Then, hopefully, they locked the doors to keep him in. He was there to promote Obamacare and to get that pack of smokes he forgot in the Lincoln bedroom.” —Stephen Colbert

“Obama was ostensibly visiting to celebrate Biden’s signing of an executive order to expand coverage under the Affordable Care Act, but there’s speculation that the visit was intended as a boost for Democrats as Biden’s approval ratings slide. OK, I understand that theory, but isn’t that like trying to get the spark going with your wife by inviting her sexy old boyfriend that broke up with her at her anniversary dinner?” —Stephen Colbert

“Former President Barack Obama today visited the White House, and out of habit, Jeanine Pirro called for his impeachment.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It could be arson. It could be Santifa. (a hollow structure that sort of resembles a human)

December 2021

“A 50-foot tree in front of Fox News’s New York City headquarters was set on fire early Wednesday. The fire is believed to have started after Fox News’ pants caught on fire.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The fire is believed to have started because Judge Jeanine Pirro ate one too many rum balls and breathed on a cigarette.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“I’ve seen trees — this is not one of them. That is a hollow structure that sort of resembles a tree, in the same way Tucker Carlson is a hollow structure that sort of resembles a human.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Even though lighting trees on fire is very much in line with Fox’s position on climate change, the hosts of their morning show were very upset today.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“And it is not clear how this happened. It could be an accident. It could be arson. It could be Santifa.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which is why we’re doing this interview from the basement of our homes (according to Baby Voldemort)

“Now while most people are waiting for a vaccine, there are some people who think we might not even need one. People like Eric Trump, fetus in its 100th trimester and the president’s fourth favorite son. You see, according to Baby Voldemort, coronavirus is actually a hoax that’ll go away on its own and the only reason the media is even talking about it is to steal the White House from his dad.” —Trevor Noah

“This weekend during an interview with Jeanine Pirro, Eric Trump accused Democrats of milking coronavirus lockdowns to win the November election. Jeanine Pirro was like, ‘Yeah, I totally agree with you, it’s definitely a hoax. Which is why we’re doing this interview from the basement of our homes.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Now according to Eric, this whole coronavirus thing is a conspiracy to prevent his dad from doing big campaign rallies. I’m sorry, man, this makes no sense. Donald Trump is the president. So if he thinks coronavirus is all just a bunch of hype and he should be able to do a rally, then my man, go and do a rally. I swear, Trump is the most powerful least powerful person in the world. [As Trump] ‘I want to do a rally but I can’t, because the doctors will get mad at me.’” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Here’s how they did it. They pointed a camera at her (I think we can rule out working undercover)

Yes, the radical left and the mainstream media hatched a devious plot to make Jeanine Pirro sound like a bigot. Here’s how they did it. They pointed a camera at her. --Stephen Colbert

The sheriff’s office in Broward County, Florida, recently announced their newest deputy, former basketball star Shaquille O’Neal. I don’t know what Shaq is going to be doing. I think we can rule out working undercover. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Forget collusion I want to know if there's penetration (Bone Spurskis)

We've been off for almost two months, let me put things in priority for you. The FBI we found out was investigating the President of the United States for being a Russian agent. If you remember one thing about the last two months that's it. And spoiler alert, he is. He did nothing when they told him that Russia was meddling in our elections. He fired Comey when he was looking into it. He wants to get out of NATO. He met Putin five times, that's a lot of times, in just a couple of years always with nobody around. Nobody can ever know what they're doing. Forget collusion I want to know if there's penetration. --Bill Maher

Last week last week when this story broke I saw Jeanine Pirro on Fox News. And she's like asking him the question like I have to ask this ridiculous question. She says Mr. President are you now or have you ever worked for Russia and Trump said a lot of words after that but none of them were no. Trump said that's the most insulting thing anybody ever said about me. Really? More than when Stormy Daniels said you had a mushroom dick? --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Well, other than the time when Stormy Daniels said, "Was that it?" (How did this not happen in Florida?)

On Fox News this weekend, Judge Jeanine Pirro asked Trump if he'd ever worked for Putin, and he called it "The most insulting thing I've ever been asked." Well, other than the time when Stormy Daniels said, "Was that it?" --Jimmy Fallon

Some more political news -- this weekend, former Obama official Julián Castro announced that he is running for President in 2020. Yep, he even unveiled his campaign slogan. Take a look -- it's "One nation, one destiny," which is a lot better than Trump's 2020 slogan, "One nation, one TSA agent." --Jimmy Fallon

A woman in Texas was banned from Walmart this weekend. The woman spent several hours driving an electric shopping cart around the store's parking lot while drinking wine from a Pringles can. Texas police had a lot of questions, starting with, "How did this not happen in Florida?" --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”