He’s the 12th man on your depth chart (tragedy selfies)

March 2023

“Looking at the political jockeying following the catastrophic train derailment in East Palestine, Ohio. This feels like watching your parents fight in the kitchen and they’re both being idiots for different reasons. Republicans, listen to me. You guys love deregulation, but suddenly you now care about rail safety? A little ironic. Also, you really think Joe Biden taking a tragedy selfie would make the situation any better? 

As for the Democrats. As of now, March 1, there is zero indication that Trump’s policy caused this whole derailment. So you cannot touchdown dance. And also, what the fuck are you guys doing? How do you guys fumble the optics game every time? Why didn’t you send Joe Biden to take a tragedy selfie? Even a moron like Donald Trump managed to do it. Trump pulled up to McDonald’s and started handing out hats and Happy Meals. 

Democrats, you waited three weeks and you sent Pete Buttigieg dressed like Bob the Builder? He’s the 12th man on your depth chart. Now here’s the real issue: nobody should be trying to win a train derailment. We had about five seconds of empathy before this whole thing turned into another partisan prize fight.” —Hasan Minhaj

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He’s constantly terrified that they’ll find a new, more satisfying glory hole (Did I stab that fella?)

February 2023

“There was a stunning deposition by Rupert Murdoch, the billionaire owner of Fox News, in the defamation lawsuit against the network by Dominion Voting Systems. Murdoch admitted under oath that Fox hosts Sean Hannity, Jeanine Pirro, Lou Dobbs and Maria Bartiromo and others knowingly endorsed Donald Trump’s lie about the 2020 election and undermined Joe Biden’s victory. But when asked if Fox News endorsed Trump’s big election lies, Murdoch answered ‘Not Fox … No. Not Fox’. But if your most viewed hosts endorsed it, then your network endorsed it! I’d like to see this guy in a murder trial – ‘did I stab that fella? No. I mean, my hand did, but he’s an independent contractor.’” —Stephen Colbert

“We dug into the Murdoch deposition, though I wouldn’t call what we found out shocking. Fox knew the election wasn’t stolen but they said it anyway? That’s not shocking. If Brian Kilmeade ever completed a Wordle – that would be shocking.— Hasan Minhaj

“I’m not shocked, but I will say: I am very entertained, because of all the text messages between Fox News hosts revealed in discovery. There’s LinkedIn you. And then there’s iMessage you. That’s the deep, dark underbelly of who you really are. And boy oh boy were these iMessages good. For example, Tucker Carlson sent Laura Ingraham a text saying: ‘Sidney Powell is lying … it’s insane.’ Ingraham responded: ‘She is a complete nut.’ Carlson also called Trump a ‘demonic force’. Ingraham referred to Rudy Giuliani as an ‘idiot’, while Hannity texted that he ‘was acting like an insane person’. Oh my God, do you know what this means? These people are secretly sane. They also don’t respect anyone they have on their show. These guys are texting each other all day about how bullshit Fox News is. Their group chat is basically MSNBC. There was one text from Carlson that truly freaks me out. Carlson wrote: ‘Do the executives understand how much credibility and trust we’ve lost with our audience? We’re playing with fire … for real and alternative like Newsmax could be devastating to us.’ Think of it like this: Tucker Carlson is a moral vacuum. A hole, if you will, who glorifies election deniers. So, a glory hole. And his viewers expect him to please them with his mouth. And he’s constantly terrified that they’ll find a new, more satisfying glory hole. And that’s why Tucker Carlson will never stop sucking.” — Hasan Minhaj

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I think the word you’re looking for is guess (I’m holding out until the Department of Motor Vehicles chimes in)

February 2023

“There is a new report from the Department of Energy, which concluded that the Covid-19 virus originated from an accidental lab leak in China. However, the report’s conclusion, which diverges from other government studies on the emergence of the virus, was made with ‘low confidence’. How can you conclude something with low confidence? That’s not a conclusion. I think the word you’re looking for is guess.” —Hasan Minhaj

“A reminder to people touchdown dancing about the lab leak theory: the energy department is one of nine intelligence groups that have assessed Covid’s origins. Two of those concluded a likely lab leak, five said natural causes and two said they don’t know. And you know what? I personally side with them. I don’t know what the fuck is going on. FBI says this, NIC says that. I’m holding out until the Department of Motor Vehicles chimes in.” —Hasan Minhaj

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”