Her date wore a red laser dot on his head

"In a new interview, President Obama revealed that his daughter Malia recently went to her first prom. She wore a corsage on her wrist while her date wore a red laser dot on his head." –Jimmy Fallon

"The NRA is accusing a Texas gun rights group of going too far after the group has posted YouTube videos of their members walking into restaurants with semi-automatic rifles. The NRA saying you've gone too far is like Johnny Depp telling you you're wearing too many scarves." –Seth Meyers



"I don't want to complicate your hatred of facial hair there, friend, but my guess is if you gave Bob Bergdahl a bandana and a duck, you'd like him just-f**king-fine." -Jon Stewart, reacting to "Fox and Friends" cohost Brian Kilmeade's criticism of the father of freed American POW Bowe Bergdahl