He’s constantly terrified that they’ll find a new, more satisfying glory hole (Did I stab that fella?)

February 2023

“There was a stunning deposition by Rupert Murdoch, the billionaire owner of Fox News, in the defamation lawsuit against the network by Dominion Voting Systems. Murdoch admitted under oath that Fox hosts Sean Hannity, Jeanine Pirro, Lou Dobbs and Maria Bartiromo and others knowingly endorsed Donald Trump’s lie about the 2020 election and undermined Joe Biden’s victory. But when asked if Fox News endorsed Trump’s big election lies, Murdoch answered ‘Not Fox … No. Not Fox’. But if your most viewed hosts endorsed it, then your network endorsed it! I’d like to see this guy in a murder trial – ‘did I stab that fella? No. I mean, my hand did, but he’s an independent contractor.’” —Stephen Colbert

“We dug into the Murdoch deposition, though I wouldn’t call what we found out shocking. Fox knew the election wasn’t stolen but they said it anyway? That’s not shocking. If Brian Kilmeade ever completed a Wordle – that would be shocking.— Hasan Minhaj

“I’m not shocked, but I will say: I am very entertained, because of all the text messages between Fox News hosts revealed in discovery. There’s LinkedIn you. And then there’s iMessage you. That’s the deep, dark underbelly of who you really are. And boy oh boy were these iMessages good. For example, Tucker Carlson sent Laura Ingraham a text saying: ‘Sidney Powell is lying … it’s insane.’ Ingraham responded: ‘She is a complete nut.’ Carlson also called Trump a ‘demonic force’. Ingraham referred to Rudy Giuliani as an ‘idiot’, while Hannity texted that he ‘was acting like an insane person’. Oh my God, do you know what this means? These people are secretly sane. They also don’t respect anyone they have on their show. These guys are texting each other all day about how bullshit Fox News is. Their group chat is basically MSNBC. There was one text from Carlson that truly freaks me out. Carlson wrote: ‘Do the executives understand how much credibility and trust we’ve lost with our audience? We’re playing with fire … for real and alternative like Newsmax could be devastating to us.’ Think of it like this: Tucker Carlson is a moral vacuum. A hole, if you will, who glorifies election deniers. So, a glory hole. And his viewers expect him to please them with his mouth. And he’s constantly terrified that they’ll find a new, more satisfying glory hole. And that’s why Tucker Carlson will never stop sucking.” — Hasan Minhaj

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Thank God this coup wasn’t planned by people who could solve the Wordle (Even Scooby-Doo villains know not to write it down)

December 2022

“More details about the lead-up to the January 6th attack on the Capitol have surfaced. It’s even crazier than the crazy we previously thought was so crazy. Turns out the calls were coming from inside the House, and the Senate. According to new reports, the then White House chief of staff, Mark Meadows, texted with 34 Republicans lawmakers in the days before January 6th, exchanging ideas and suggestions for how they could overturn the election and keep Trump in office. It’s like a gang of Batman’s dumbest enemies. One such lawmaker was the South Carolina Republican Ralph Norman, who texted Meadows three days before the attempted coup that ‘our LAST HOPE is invoking Marshall Law!!’ If Marshall Law doesn’t work, we’ll mobilize the TJ Maxxinistas! Thank God this coup wasn’t planned by people who could solve the Wordle.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The texts go a long way toward explaining why these low-lifes have been so quiet about all this. It wasn’t just Trump. He had dozens of enablers, and a lot of them are still in Congress. We had people who tried to overthrow the government in the government right now, and I continue to be blown away by how dumb they are. Even Scooby-Doo villains know not to write it down.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a movie that had way more nudity than they were expecting (Definition of Sin)

June 2022

“Cassidy Hutchinson’s testimony, the former Trump White House aide’s statements on Tuesday were so powerful that Fox News hosts appeared speechless on air, specifically a long, awkward pause during a broadcast with Bret Baier, Sandra Smith and John Roberts. They couldn’t settle on a coherent narrative the way they usually do. They just cycled through a bunch of different lines, from screaming about media bias to claiming everyone knows Trump gets angry to dismissing Hutchinson as a low-level staffer who supposedly had ulterior motives. Oof. That’s like when you get in the car with your parents after they took you to a movie that had way more nudity than they were expecting.” —Seth Meyers

“I also like how they all act like the question was for the other person: ‘John, why don’t you go ahead?’ [imitating Fox News hosts] ‘I’m sorry, are you talking to me John or the cameraman John?’ ‘Sandra, do you want to take this one?’ ‘Oh, sorry, I couldn’t hear you. Why don’t you go ahead, Bret?’ ‘No, no, no, no, no, no. Ladies first.’” —Seth Meyers

“So on the one hand, as an unprecedented constitutional crisis was unfolding, there were people like Cassidy Hutchinson who were at least paying attention and asking questions. And then on the other hand, there were guys like Mark Meadows, who was just totally zonked and pretending nothing was happening. Dude was just scrolling on his phone, ignoring pleas for help like a lifeguard at a swimming pool who has one guess left in Wordle.”  —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Tough news for psychos whose first World guess is always Fetus (Good. That's a start.)

Cryptocurrency crashed this week, with Bitcoin losing nearly half its value, and now it has to legally change its name to Bit O’Coin. In fact, the entire crypto market has lost over $1 Trillion. But don’t worry, you can make that money back fast as long as you’ve been hoarding baby formula. —Colin Jost

Senator Mitch McConnell seen here smiling as a shelter dog gets passed up for adoption, led a congressional delegation for a surprise visit to Ukraine today. It’s weird because usually when McConnell shows up by surprise, it’s behind you in the bathroom mirror. —Colin Jost

The New York Times said it changed the answer for Monday’s Worldle which was fetus because it was too closely connected to a major news story. Tough news for psychos whose first World guess is always Fetus. —Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I wish him a safe journey back to his home planet (Incredible Customer Service)

April 2022

“The news of Elon Musk purchasing Twitter set off a wave of takes so hot, they burned off my eyebrows and I had to draw them back on.” —Trevor Noah

“But one of the biggest takes came from former Twitter C.E.O. Jack Dorsey, who gave Musk his stamp of approval saying, ‘I trust his mission to extend the lights of consciousness.’ And I’ll be honest, people, I have no idea what that means, but Jack’s clearly on that billionaire speak.” —Trevor Noah

“All jokes aside, Jack Dorsey is a great guy, and I wish him a safe journey back to his home planet.” —Trevor Noah

“You know, Trump claims he won’t go back on Twitter, but he 100 percent will go back on Twitter, and then this dumb new company he conned everybody out of their money for will become, I guess, the social media equivalent of a Radio Shack — a Radio Shack that is run by Devin Nunes.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Yeah, so Truth Social is competition for Twitter the same way that guy on the plane was competition for Mike Tyson.” —Trevor Noah

“Also, it doesn’t bode well that Trump himself has only posted on Truth Social one time ever. Yeah, and that was two months ago. Think about how crazy that is, people — when he was on Twitter, Trump would send out, what, like 50 tweets every time he went to the bathroom? Now he hasn’t posted for two months. Somebody needs to get this guy prune juice fast!” —Trevor Noah

“I’ll be honest, though, the only reason I would want Trump back on Twitter, the only reason, because — I know, yes, it would probably lead to another term and it would destroy the country — but I just, I just really want to see his Wordle scores.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But keep in mind, he might’ve been on Amazon shopping for a spine (To be fair, today’s Wordle was pretty tricky)

March 2022

“Joe Biden’s first State of the Union speech was a roller coaster ride of rip roaring reasonableness. Keep in mind, a week ago, this was going to be a totally different speech. But when Ukraine was invaded, the world changed. Because right now, there is a dictator who thinks he can violently conquer a sovereign democracy, but Joe Biden beat him in the last election.” —Stephen Colbert

“President Biden led Congress in a symbolic standing ovation for Oksana Markarova, the Ukrainian ambassador to the US, who attended the speech as a guest of the first lady, Jill Biden. It was a moving moment of bipartisan unity, especially considering the last time Congress stood up that fast together, they were the ones fleeing a fascist invasion.” —Stephen Colbert

“Many lawmakers wore the colors of the Ukrainian flag, blue and yellow. It’s a show of solidarity not seen since the last ‘Minions’ movie.” —Stephen Colbert

“Not everyone was focused on the speech. Kevin McCarthy was there but busy looking at his phone. To be fair, today’s Wordle was pretty tricky.” —Stephen Colbert

“Of course the minority leader in the House not paying attention looked disrespectful. But keep in mind, he might’ve been on Amazon shopping for a spine.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You had one job! (Hold my vodka)

February 2022

“Over the last five years, we’ve seen democracy repeatedly undermined, tragic, unprecedented firestorms, a global pandemic. Well this morning, Vladimir Putin looked at all of that and said, ‘Hold my vodka,’ and invaded Ukraine.” —Stephen Colbert

“Then, as the invasion began, the ex-prez took to Russian state media — sorry, I misread that: Fox News.” —Stephen Colbert

“Listen, I don’t know what’s going to happen, but one thing’s for sure: Putin should fire those peacekeepers. You had one job!” —Stephen Colbert

“This is the biggest ground war in Europe since World War II, and the whole world is in shock. That’s why today’s Wordle was ‘Aaaah!’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”