"Representative
Patrick Kennedy has agreed to plead guilty to driving under the influence of
prescription drugs. There's not much you can do really. They have plenty of
concrete evidence, like the fact his car was wrapped around concrete."
--Jay Leno
"Last night during
his live speech, President Bush spoke directly to Osama bin Laden and said, 'No
matter how long it takes, America will find you.' Then the president uncovered
his eyes and said, 'Ready or not, here I come.'." --Conan O'Brien
"President Bush, of
course, is responding to the crisis. He's on vacation. That's his plan. He'll
show them President Bush is on vacation in Texas right now. This is true. He's
urging his staff to join the 100-degree club by running three miles in
100-degree heat. Experts say it's proof that the president can come up with a
bad idea at any level." --Conan O'Brien
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