Does this mean I can eat for free at any Olive Garden? Or just here in Italy? (Lots and lots of Xanax)

Today, President Trump had his first meeting with Pope Francis at the Vatican. Everyone in the U.S. was watching closely and looking for some white smoke to see if we have a new president. –Jimmy Fallon

After their meeting, the Pope gave Trump a medal featuring an olive branch. When Trump received it, he asked, “Does this mean I can eat for free at any Olive Garden? Or just here in Italy?” –Jimmy Fallon

After weeks of hesitation, Paul Ryan finally endorsed Donald Trump for president on Thursday. When asked what influenced his decision, Ryan said, “Xanax. Lots and lots of Xanax.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

They take millions NOT to represent you or the people you love (it was marked, Don’t Show Trump)

After weeks of hesitation, Paul Ryan finally endorsed Donald Trump for president on Thursday. When asked what influenced his decision, Ryan said, “Xanax. Lots and lots of Xanax.” –Jimmy Fallon

Last night, a Republican congressional candidate named Greg Gianforte apparently body-slammed a reporter. Some Republicans are defending him, saying the body slam wasn't a big deal — which they might regret in three years when The Rock runs for president. –Jimmy Fallon

A highly classified document was just leaked, and it suggests that Russia may have hacked into our voting systems before the election. You could tell the report was "highly classified" because it was marked, "Don’t Show Trump." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The father of ignorance and the weapon of tyrants (Would you like unlimited breadsticks?)

“As for calls from some pundits to send people back to work or sacrifice lives for the the economy – maybe what happened here is a bunch of rich people realized that in order to both save lives and protect the economy, they’d have to redistribute some wealth to working people, and that was intolerable to them. Because there’s a third option here: we can keep people at home to save lives and give them money to get through the crisis. Other countries, such as Denmark and the Netherlands, have guaranteed to pay most of the salaries for companies shut down by the pandemic. We could have that here. Instead, the president wants you to go back to work in three weeks even if it means wearing a hazmat suit during your shift at Olive Garden – ‘Would you like unlimited breadsticks? They’re seasoned with garlic AND Purell.’” —Seth Meyers

“From the very start of this crisis, Donald Trump has desperately tried to wish it away with magical thinking. Which makes sense, because for most of his life, magical thinking has worked for him. I mean, he’s failed at virtually everything he’s ever done, but magically, he always avoids consequences. Trump’s handling of the pandemic is like those stories you hear about a small town that elects a dog as mayor every year – sure, it might seem fun at the time to have a dog mayor but what happens when there’s a thunderstorm, and you need the mayor to coordinate disaster relief, but he won’t come out from underneath the couch.” —Seth Meyers

​​New Jersey police recently arrested a man for bringing a doughnut filled with Xanax pills to a local high school student. Officials first became suspicious when an adult man showed up to a high school to deliver a single doughnut. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Ironically, many of the babies he'll kiss on the campaign trail will be his own (The real owners of you are...)

"You know those controversial TSA full-body scanners? Well, they're coming to airports here in New York next month. Great. Normally I take a Xanax before I fly, now I have to take a Viagra." –Jimmy Fallon

"A JetBlue flight attendant cursed out passengers, grabbed two beers, slid down the chute and took off. The pilots were furious. Those were their last two beers." –Jay Leno

"This flight attendant really went crazy. The good news: terrorists are now afraid to fly." –Jay Leno

"Levi Johnston is running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. Ironically, many of the babies he'll kiss on the campaign trail will be his own." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I’d settle for him releasing his high school diploma/Meryl Streep/where I stand

Trump claims he would have won the popular vote if there hadn’t been voter fraud but there is absolutely no proof of that. We are now just creating commissions to prove Trump’s dumb theories. I can’t wait for the report from the Senate commission on “But No Seriously, Meryl Streep Is Overrated.” –James Corden

Now Trump’s exact quote about his tax return was, “Oh, at some point I’ll release them. Maybe I’ll release them after I’m finished because I’m very proud of them, actually, I did a good job.” Who talks about their tax forms like that? We want him to release his taxes, but at this point, I’d settle for him releasing his high school diploma. –James Corden

Although Trump doesn’t get credit for creating the term “prime the pump,” he has created lots of other things. He has, for example, created Sean Spicer’s ulcers, soaring stock prices for Xanax, and he created — let’s not forget — he created lots of jobs for his kids. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

You can come out now. He's Gone. (my 100th day on Xanax)

A company in Japan has created a device to help parents shut down their child’s smartphone if they use it too much. It’s meant for children ages 6 to 12 or the president of the United States. –Conan O’Brien

We’re creeping up on Donald Trump’s 100th day as president. Coincidentally, my 100th day on Xanax. –James Corden

Donald Trump’s daughter, Ivanka Trump, was booed at a women’s entrepreneurship summit in Germany on Tuesday when she described her father as “a tremendous champion of supporting families.” You know you’re on the wrong side of history when Germany’s booing you. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats