North Korea and South Korea are considering having a joint women’s ice hockey team for the Olympics. Of course, when a North Korean player enters the penalty box, they’re never seen again. --Conan O’Brien
I assume you know that an emergency alert went out on Saturday morning. This text is something received by everyone with a cellphone at 8:07 a.m. on Saturday: “Ballistic missile threat inbound to Hawaii. Seek immediate shelter. This is not a drill.” And then they didn’t get a correction until 38 minutes later. So for 38 minutes people were seeking immediate shelter — which in Hawaii, what does that even mean? Everybody get under a Mai Tai umbrella? --Jimmy Kimmel
A magisterial collection.
An emotional roller coaster.
Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s
Last Night On Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.
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