He got that wrong (and there's a hint of shame)

Trump's been busy this morning. He published a "USA Today" op-ed about healthcare. A lot of people are saying it had several factual errors. Turns out a pharmacist isn't someone who works on a farm. And shingles isn't a tube of potato chips. That's not -- He got that wrong. --Jimmy Fallon

Get this -- a cheating scandal has rocked the world of wine tasting. That's right. It's rocked the world of wine tasting. A cheating scandal came out that some tasters were given the answers to an exam. The wine tasters say that they are embarrassed, a little humiliated, and there's a hint of shame. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

No hablo inglés (at least that’s what he told his wife when she walked in on them)

"Dick Cheney is back in the news. He's talking about his memoirs. Cheney said that George Bush stopped taking his advice during the second term of their Administration. And in Bush's defense, I think it's pretty natural to lose trust in a guy who shoots his friends in the face." --Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump's recent immigration plan would cost at least $166 billion. When asked how he'd pay for it, Trump was like, "No hablo inglés.” –Jimmy Fallon

A man in the U.K. saved his pet tortoise by giving it mouth-to-mouth resuscitation — at least that’s what he told his wife when she walked in on them. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We need it for our bongs (My Bad)

Here in California, we are in the middle of a very serious drought. Our governor imposed permanent water conservation rules and said this drought might not ever end. Well, not with that attitude, it won't. Water is a precious resource in California. We need it for our bongs. –Jimmy Kimmel

"The title of Bush's memoir is 'Decision Points." It narrowly edged out his original title, which was 'My Bad.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which cheeks asked Bill Clinton? (noises coming from inside the trunk of his car)

The sports governing body known as the World Athletics is hiring staff to swab the cheeks of female athletes to make sure they are not trans. Which cheeks asked Bill Clinton? —Greg Gutfeld

Watching the Democrats react to DOGE is like watching a mobster plead with a cop to ignore the kicking noises coming from inside the trunk of his car. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's happy to go somewhere where nobody will draw him while he sleeps (He’s going to look like the world’s angriest mime)

Donald Trump also agreed to Joe Biden’s conditions: that the debates would occur without an audience, inside a TV studio with microphones that automatically cut off when a speaker’s time limit elapses. Imagine Trump with his mic cut. He’s going to look like the world’s angriest mime. —Stephen Colbert

The debate over debating is finally over. Just like that, they’re going head to head, toe to toe, mano a mango. — Stephen Colbert

“President Biden is looking forward to laying out his 2024 agenda, while Trump is just happy to go somewhere where nobody will draw him while he sleeps.” — Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s not a great sign for Trump that even auto correct thins he belongs in jail (a bunch of time travelers showed up trying to kill him)

In a video on Truth Social, Donald Trump falsely said that democrats support abortion up to the ninth month and beyond. Saying, the baby is executed after birth. But he only thinks that happens because when Trump was a baby, a bunch of time travelers showed up trying to kill him. —Colin Jost

There was an actual error in the L.A. Times obituary for O.J. Simpson in the section about his prison time. Instead of writing O.J. walked out of the Love Law Correctional Center, they wrote, Trump walked out of the Love Law Correctional Center, a free man for the first time in nine years. It’s not a great sign for Trump that even auto correct thins he belongs in jail. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And in Flint, Michigan, it will be healthier than water (the Army’s elite Hacky Sack Corps)

The U.S. Army has officially lifted its ban on soldiers having dreadlocks. This is good news for the Army’s elite Hacky Sack Corps. –Conan O’Brien

A new report suggests that soon, gasoline will be cheaper than water. And in Flint, Michigan, it will be healthier than water. –Conan O’Brien

"Bob Costas had to take a break from hosting the Olympics coverage due to an eye infection. In fact, his eyes are so bloodshot, he's been made an honorary member of the U.S. snowboarding team." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Looks like the student has become the mustard! (invisibility cloak)

The Harry Potter Studio Tour just announced that it's hosting a Valentine's Day dinner in the Great Hall from Hogwarts. It's great for couples, or for single guys who claim their date is wearing an “invisibility cloak.” –Jimmy Fallon

Jeb Bush was talking about the Obamas yesterday and mispronounced their daughter Malia's name, and it sounded like he said “Malala.” Then his brother George was like, "Heh — looks like the student has become the mustard!” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The move has backfired, though — now everyone in Ohio is voting for Martin Sheen (Republicrats)

Six members of the cast of “The West Wing” are going to campaign for Hillary Clinton at an event in Ohio. The move has backfired, though — now everyone in Ohio is voting for Martin Sheen. –Conan O’Brien

"Big story. Earlier today, President Obama said that he's dropping President Bush's plan for a missile defense shield. Obama is also dropping President Bush's plan to build an elite army of Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots." --Conan O'Brien

"Some unfortunate news about California. A new study shows that California has the dirtiest tap water in the country. California officials insist that the dirty water is fine as long as you chew it thoroughly." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Biden is over the moon (for Gil) - poem by John Hulse

Biden is over the moon (for Gil)

The food I can afford

is barely keeping me alive

and Biden is over the moon

no baby formula on the shelves

and Biden is over the moon

The water in Flint still

tastes like hell

and Biden is over the moon

The air in the sky is

starting to smell

and Biden is over the moon

Nothing has fundamentally

changed

with Biden over the moon

Here’s 40 Billion more for Ukraine

and Biden is over the moon

no truth, no peace and no justice

and Biden is over the moon

The press pretends not to notice

that Biden is over the moon

Children in classrooms are being

gunned down

and Biden is over the moon

Nowhere to go but underground

while Biden is over the moon

The price of gas is going up,

corrupt politicians don’t give

a fuck,

and if all that shit wasn’t

enough

Biden is over the moon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Platforming Trump is one of the least evil things CNN has done (We need it for our bongs)

"Hillary Clinton is making headlines now for nonpolitical reasons. She attended a number of public events without makeup on. Is that a big deal? I'm pretty sure Colin Powell went without makeup a lot." –Jimmy Kimmel

"The death of Osama bin Laden has apparently damaged our relationship with al Qaeda. Al Qaeda says we're going to pay for Osama bin Laden's death. I'm pretty sure we did. We even took care of funeral arrangements. Maybe a thank you would be nice." –Jimmy Kimmel

Here in California, we are in the middle of a very serious drought. Our governor imposed permanent water conservation rules and said this drought might not ever end. Well, not with that attitude, it won't. Water is a precious resource in California. We need it for our bongs. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'll never forget the day my dad started building our fourth beach house (septic tank issues)

An exact replica of the Titanic is scheduled to set sail in 2018. The good news is by 2018, there will be no icebergs left to sink it. –Conan O’Brien

Kanye West tweeted that Bill Cosby is innocent. So finally, a reason for people to dislike Kanye West. –Conan O’Brien

“Mitt Romney is trying hard to connect with voters. He seems like he's too affluent. Romney was talking about his father's humble beginnings as a carpenter. He said, ‘I'll never forget the day my dad started building our fourth beach house.’” –Conan O’Brien

A new report suggests that soon, gasoline will be cheaper than water. And in Flint, Michigan, it will be healthier than water. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The men said they wanted to escape but they never got around to it (the dirty water is fine as long as you chew it thoroughly)

In California, two women have been arrested for holding a group

of men hostage and making them work for several months on a

marijuana farm. The men said they wanted to escape but they

never got around to it. –Conan O’Brien

"Big story. Earlier today, President Obama said that he's dropping President Bush's plan for a missile defense shield. Obama is also dropping President Bush's plan to build an elite army of Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots." --Conan O'Brien

"Some unfortunate news about California. A new study shows that California has the dirtiest tap water in the country. California officials insist that the dirty water is fine as long as you chew it thoroughly." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I find it weird that America confuses fixing a mistake with a happy ending (Have you tried pushing a bunch of sh*t off the table?)

“The surprise release of Adnan Syed, the subject of the hit true crime podcast Serial, after 22 years in prison. Syed had been sentenced to life in prison for the 1999 murder of his ex-girlfriend Hae Min Lee; on Monday, a Baltimore judge ruled that the state violated its legal obligation to share exculpatory evidence with Syed’s defense and overturned his conviction. I know people are celebrating this, and I understand why, but I’m going to be honest with you, I find it weird that America confuses fixing a mistake with a happy ending. You know what I mean? Like ‘good news, we got out of Afghanistan’ – well, why were you there in the first place? ‘Good news, we got emergency water to Jackson, Mississippi’ – why do you need emergency water? What does it say about America that it takes a podcast to help free a man from prison? Because what I think it says is that either America needs to reform its justice system, or podcasts need to become part of the justice system.” —Trevor Noah

“It wasn’t Serial, or subsequent investigations into his case by the Undisclosed podcast or the 2019 documentary The Case Against Adnan Syed, that changed Syed’s fate. His case had come up for review to a prosecutor who used to be a public defender. That prosecutor dug deeper into the case file then she had to and found issues with the conviction, then asked the judge to vacate it. The prosecutor didn’t have to do any of that. She could’ve just said, ‘ah yeah, maybe it wasn’t a completely fair trial, but tough shit.’ But she said: ‘no, if we’re going to put somebody in prison, it has to be without any doubt.’ And that shows you the difference between a justice system that wants justice versus a system that just wants to put people in prison.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Of course, at one point or another we've all found something in our bathroom that looks like Donald Trump (He cray)

A Virginia man recently found an outline of what looks like Donald Trump in one of his bathroom tiles. Of course, at one point or another we've all found something in our bathroom that looks like Donald Trump. –Seth Meyers

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich has published a new book titled “Understanding Trump.” [Shows page with big text “He cray.”] And I have to say it’s a pretty quick read. –Seth Meyers

Starbucks announced yesterday that it will be teaming up with Lady Gaga to release a line of summer drinks — to wear. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hawaii Emergency: Navy Poisons Drinking Water

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

any place where you have to keep your voice down is a no-go for him (He’s got resting thrown-out face)

May 2021

“Mike Lindell, the founder and C.E.O. of My Pillow, was refused entry to a meeting of the Republican Governors Association in Nashville this week. Lindell has surely been thrown out of venues before: He’s got resting thrown-out face.” —Seth Meyers

“As a baby, his first words were, ‘But my friends are in there!’” —Seth Meyers

“Bars, libraries, children’s birthday parties — I mean, really, any place where you have to keep your voice down is a no-go for him.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Top Ten Ways Mitt Romney Begins Conversations With Teens (Didn't I fire your father?)

April 2012

David Letterman's "Top Ten Ways Mitt Romney Begins Conversations With Teens" 

10. "How's puberty going?"
9. "Where do you summer?"
8. "Do you fellows play sportball?"
7. "Nice shirt — you know, my friend owns the Gap"
6. "You teens are just the right height"
5. "Check out my sick Windsor knot"
4. "Would you like to see my dancing horse?"
3. "Raise the roof if your municipal bonds have reached maturity"
2. Just like this: (video of Mitt saying "Who let the dogs out?")
1. "Didn't I fire your father?"

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

The opposite of Donald Trump is... (he’s not even halfway there)

“Yesterday, Tim Ryan’s campaign tweeted out a new campaign motto, ‘You don’t have to yell.’ Congressman Ryan, you don’t have to run.” --Stephen Colbert

“We just learned that Jon Bon Jovi will host a Cory Booker fund-raiser at his Hamptons home. Makes sense, makes sense. After all, Booker’s campaign is living on a prayer. And Booker really needs that fund-raiser because since he is polling below 2 percent, he’s not even halfway there.” --Stephen Colbert

“Oh, lead poisoning is a huge problem here. It’s so bad that some people completely lose touch with reality and think they can be elected president.” --Stephen Colbert, on Bill de Blasio’s likening New York City’s lead exposure scandal to the tainted water in Flint, Mich.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. The opposite of Donald Trump is a black woman who has spell-check.” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”