according to the Constitution, if they don't have a speaker by tomorrow, the top contenders have to compete in a dance-off (parking space)

January 2023

“At this point, Kevin McCarthy's so unpopular, even Southwest Airlines feels bad for him, you know?” —Jimmy Fallon

“But this is interesting -- according to the Constitution, if they don't have a speaker by tomorrow, the top contenders have to compete in a dance-off.” —Jimmy Fallon

“That's right, McCarthy has already lost six votes to get the job. It's pretty humiliating, but he's not giving up. He's even got a different campaign slogan for each round of voting. For the first vote, his slogan was… ‘McCarthy for Speaker. I’ll speak for you.’ For the second vote, it was… ‘McCarthy for Speaker. Second times a charm.’ For the third vote, it was… ‘McCarthy for Speaker. Okay, what they hell, guys?’ For the next vote, it was… ‘McCarthy for Speaker. Is this cuz I sent everyone edible arrangements for Christmas?’ Then it was… ‘McCarthy for Speaker. Wait, now I’m losing to the avocado from The Masked Singer?’ Next it’s… ‘McCarthy for Speaker. Look, I’m not going to beg.’ Then it was… ‘McCarthy for Speaker. Alright, I’m begging.’ Then it was… ‘McCarthy for Speaker. Whoever wrote-in Wednesday Addams on the last ballot can shove it. If Thing were here, he’d give you the finger.’ Then it was… ‘McCarthy for Speaker. I’m honestly starting to think this is personal.’ And finally, it’s... ‘McCarthy for Speaker. Guess I’ll be the first republican to storm Out of the capitol.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Today, President Biden travelled to Kentucky where he made a rare joint appearance with Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. It was actually a very sweet moment when they fell asleep during each other's speeches.” —Jimmy Fallon

“McConnell even got to ride in the presidential limo. And unlike Trump, Biden didn't have the car suddenly pull away every time Mitch tried to get in.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yes, ‘Low Death Summer,’ my favorite Beach Boys album (we definitely needed more vodka)

May 2021

“Covid cases in the U.S. have dropped to the lowest level in almost a year. Pretty soon the only place you’ll see Dr. Fauci is popping out of a costume on ‘The Masked Singer.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“As of yesterday nearly 50 percent of all Americans have gotten at least one dose, and Covid deaths are as low as they’ve been since last summer. Yes, ‘Low Death Summer,’ my favorite Beach Boys album.” —Stephen Colbert

“Covid's at a low. It’s out, it’s getting drunk at lunch, wearing a bathrobe in public — that’s how low it’s gotten.” —James Corden

“Stores are slashing prices of hand sanitizer to get a glut of product off their shelves. Remember how hard it was to get? It was like gold. I actually bought the ingredients to make it at home. And then I was reading and I was like, forget it, this is too complicated. The demand for hand sanitizer was so huge that a lot of vodka producers switched their factories over to making the hand sanitizer, which turned out to be a bad move; we didn’t need more hand sanitizer, but we definitely needed more vodka.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What’s he going to do next, take away Tiny Tim’s crutches? (the great McRib shortage of 2018)

“We should be providing those people with immediate and direct help. Instead, the Trump administration is still moving forward with a truly sadistic plan to kick 700,000 people off food stamps right as a global pandemic tanks the world economy. Trump is like a villain from a Charles Dickens novel. What’s he going to do next, take away Tiny Tim’s crutches?” —Seth Meyers

“During his address, Trump said starting Friday people from Europe can’t fly to the U.S. He was like, ‘We have to stop the virus so instead of everyone flying here, I want everyone to take a cruise.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“But Trump wanted to give a speech to reassure the nation that everything is going to be OK, and I think it worked. Today the stock market only dropped 2,000 points.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Sarah Palin was rapping on the Masked Singer – I’m sure it’s fine. I mean, when has a conservative celebrity on a reality show ever been a problem? Trump’s speech to calm fears about the Coronavirus: This is only the second time Trump has addressed the country from the Oval Office. The first was during the great McRib shortage of 2018.” —Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”