I can’t talk now, I’m on the phone with the governor of Narnia (Even worse, he referred to cows as spotted milk horses)

A transcript from President Trump’s phone call with the Australian prime minister was just leaked and at one point, Trump referred to U.S. dairy farmers as local milk people. Even worse, he referred to cows as spotted milk horses. –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump was actually busted for saying that a bunch of people called to compliment him this week, when they hadn’t. When asked about it today, Trump said, “I can’t talk now, I’m on the phone with the governor of Narnia.” –Jimmy Fallon

A skydiver in California just became the first person to jump out of a plane from 25,000 feet without a parachute and land in a net. Or as Southwest Airlines calls that, “Business Class.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Finally, someone to play golf with (Wait a minute, so that WASN’T ice cream?)

Scientists have been able to create baby mice from freeze-dried mouse sperm that was kept on the International Space Station. When asked about it, the astronauts said, “Wait a minute, so that WASN’T ice cream?” –Conan O’Brien

A company has released a GPS with President Trump's voice as a navigator. It doesn't guide you anywhere. It just keeps reminding you that he won the Electoral College. –Conan O’Brien

It’s been reported that O.J. Simpson could be released from prison this year. When he heard this, Donald Trump said, “Finally, someone to play golf with.” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She’s like the person who shows up to your wedding wearing white, or goes to your funeral in a coffin (So remember to tip, because your delivery guy definitely has an ax)

“Arizona senator Kyrsten Sinema has decided to leave the Democratic party and register as an independent. That is shocking – Kyrsten Sinema was a Democrat? Sinema announced her decision days after Raphael Warnock won the Georgia runoff election, securing a clear Democratic majority in the Senate. Naturally, Sinema decided to make it about her. She’s like the person who shows up to your wedding wearing white, or goes to your funeral in a coffin.” —Stephen Colbert

“Well, guys, we are right in the middle of the holiday season, and I saw that Instacart is now offering same-day delivery for Christmas trees. So remember to tip, because your delivery guy definitely has an ax.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Meanwhile, Elon Musk also said that Twitter's character limit for tweets is going to increase from 280 to 4,000. People are like, ‘4,000 characters? At that point, I may as well get my news from the news.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sorry, but you can’t complain about a neck bite after you open the door and invite in a vampire (He’d never side against one of his own)

December 2022

“We are celebrating Raphael Warnock’s victory over Herschel Walker in the Georgia runoff election on Tuesday, which secured a clear majority in the US Senate for Democrats. Walker, a former football star backed by Donald Trump, was so deeply unqualified that much of the time it seemed like he didn’t even know what was going on. Walker’s loss – the latest disappointment for a slate of Trump-backed candidates – was greeted with light condemnation from Republican pundits. On Fox News, Laura Ingraham and Kellyanne Conway blamed Walker’s loss on the fact that ‘a lot of people’ at the ‘top of the Republican party’ told voters not to vote early or by mail for the past few elections. It’s so amazing to watch these people suddenly start complaining about the consequences of their own actions. You were Trump’s fiercest supporters when he was claiming mail-in voting led to fraud, and now you’re whining that the Republicans don’t vote by mail? Sorry, but you can’t complain about a neck bite after you open the door and invite in a vampire.” —Seth Meyers

“Laura Ingraham, with the energy of a country club patron who’s been made aware they’ve changed chefs, also blamed Senate Republicans for not campaigning enthusiastically enough for Walker. You’re mad that Senate Republicans didn’t want Walker to join them? You think they wanted to spend all their down time between votes talking about whether vampires are cooler than werewolves. You think that’s Mitch McConnell’s idea of a good time? Besides, you know he’s going to pick vampires. He’d never side against one of his own.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You wanna say that to my face?? (the George W. Bush Institute for Pretzel Safety)

A new study says that a lack of sleep can actually make you happier. When they heard that, new moms were like, "You wanna say that to my face??" –Jimmy Fallon

"The Dick Cheney Center for International Students. It's just two buildings over from the George W. Bush Institute for Pretzel Safety." --Jimmy Fallon

"It was a big night on television tonight. And instead of showing President Obama's healthcare speech that was on tonight, Fox aired its season premiere of 'So You Think You Can Dance.' I guess they wanted to give viewers a choice between hearing what's wrong with our country and watching what's wrong with our country." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”