When you think responsible, ethical and trustworthy, you think Exxon Mobil (a Dickensian allegory for destitution)

Donald Trump has continued to make more surprising appointments in his cabinet. This morning, Trump chose the CEO of Exxon Mobil, Rex Tillerson, as his secretary of state. Because, you know, when you think responsible, ethical and trustworthy, you think Exxon Mobil. –James Corden

This is our first show of the New Year after the holidays. We’re very happy to be back. We actually would have come back last week but marijuana was just legalized here in California so, you know. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

she said she'll hunt down the CEO and stare at him (USA! USA!)

August 2011

"President Obama is on a bus tour to talk about jobs, and it turns out the bus was made in Canada. If he were a real American that bus would have been made in China.USA! USA!" –Conan O'Brien

"Obama said the housing market may not pick up again for another year or longer. On the bright side, President Obama now has nine people interested in his house." –Conan O'Brien 

"Michele Bachmann said that when she is president, gas prices will come down to less than $2 a gallon. When asked how she’ll make that happen, she said she'll hunt down the CEO of Exxon and stare at him." –Conan O'Brien 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the Republicans want to sell the country to Exxon Mobil (severely whiten John Boehner)

"Due to the budget impasse, the federal government may shut down next week. There will be another season of 'Jersey Shore,' but the U.S. government is still up in the air." –Conan O'Brien 

"If Congress can't agree on a budget by midnight Friday, the government will shut down. Democrats are demanding to tax all of the people's money and use it to fund abortions, while the Republicans want to sell the country to Exxon Mobil and relocate gays to Puerto Rico." –Jimmy Kimmel

"All government services may be shut down next week, which could really make the DMV inconvenient." –Jimmy Kimmel

"A lot of public beaches may also be shut down, which could severely whiten John Boehner." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

sell the country to Exxon Mobil (Cocaine Tooth Drops)

"Due to the budget impasse, the federal government may shut down next week. There will be another season of 'Jersey Shore,' but the U.S. government is still up in the air." –Conan O'Brien

"Glenn Beck has announced that he is leaving his show on Fox News this year. Even more surprising is that he's leaving to marry his life-partner, Abdul Gonzales." –Conan O'Brien

"If Congress can't agree on a budget by midnight Friday, the government will shut down. Democrats are demanding to tax all of the people's money and use it to fund abortions, while the Republicans want to sell the country to Exxon Mobil and relocate gays to Puerto Rico." –Jimmy Kimmel

"All government services may be shut down next week, which could really make the DMV inconvenient." –Jimmy Kimmel

"A lot of public beaches may also be shut down, which could severely whiten John Boehner." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Do you want to know a secret? (they are registered at Mobil, Exxon and Shell)

"It's now being reported that CIA agents have entered Libya. We're not sure how long they'll be staying, but some of them just left Vietnam." –Jay Leno

"President Obama's approval ratings are so low now, Kenyans are accusing him of being born in the United States." –Jay Leno

"If Moammar Gadhafi goes into exile, there are only three places that would tolerate a raving madman like that: Venezuela, Saudi Arabia, and Fox News." –Jay Leno

"The good news is that President Bush's daughter, Jenna Bush, is engaged. The bad news is she is marrying Rudolph Giuliani. Dick Cheney is hoping for a shotgun wedding. Jenna announced her engagement two weeks ago, although President Bush knew about it over a month ago from some wiretaps. If you'd like to get the young couple something for the wedding, they are registered at Mobil, Exxon and Shell." -Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

apparently he misunderstood the phrase, 'Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.' (two sizes -- regular and Washington Monument)

"In a new interview, Newt Gingrich says he cheated on two of his wives because he was too consumed with love for his country. Yeah, apparently he misunderstood the phrase, 'Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Starting today, the New York Times reduced the size of their newspaper. They cut the paper's width by an inch and a half. The move was announced with the headline 'Big Changes At New York Tim.'" --Conan O'Brien

"The Trojan Condom Company announced that it is donating 350,000 condoms to the city of Washington, DC. The DC condoms come in two sizes -- regular and Washington Monument." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

When he has weird sex his safe word is speak up (I don't have a joke for that and I don't need one)

Today Trump’s selection for Director of National Intelligence, kind of an important job, he withdrew his name. Even Republicans were like this guy's awful. They found out he was an idiot, a partisan hack, and a compulsive liar. So he's staying in Congress where he belongs. --Bill Maher

I mean Joe Biden is getting on in years, and at the end of the debate when the candidates all try to you know, get people to contribute to their campaign, Joe invited people to visit his phone number. I don't have a joke for that and I don't need one. --Bill Maher

Joe Biden is getting on in years, come on. When he has weird sex his safe word is speak up. --Bill Maher

It's a bullish market. Lobbyists who used to just lease a congressman are now buying. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The last time the USA had a Democratic Socialist President (it's not like he's the CEO of Exxon)

"Former Vice President Dick Cheney is in the news. Cheney slammed President Obama for bowing before the emperor of Japan. Cheney said, 'Come on, it's not like he's the CEO of Exxon.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Sarah Palin's new book, 'Going Rogue,' came out yesterday. It's getting a lot of attention, primarily because she spends a lot of the book settling scores with the media, the political elite, she's angry at the weather for raining on her once." –Jimmy Kimmel

"And she goes after vegetarians, too. She asks, 'If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come he made them out of meat?' It's a really good question. Hey, wait a second. People are made out of meat, too! And so are cocker spaniels. I think the lesson is, don't go to Sarah Palin's house for Thanksgiving dinner." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Because we are ruled by an elite group of psychopaths (Why do we have wars?)

"Crime is down in New York City. Tomorrow criminals head down to Washington to request a bailout." --David Letterman

"In economic news, ExxonMobil's profit last year was $45 billion. In second place was the company that makes those foreclosure signs." --David Letterman

"No, it is fun watching the Republicans trying to defend torture, because they insist that what's wrong with the Democrats on this issue is they don't get what it's like in the 'real world.' And, to prove it, they cite Jack Bauer, a character from a television show." --Bill Maher

"Dick Cheney is all over television defending this. He said yesterday, he would be happy to undergo waterboarding himself, but his heart might rust." --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

So, I guess Republicans now have a V.P. candidate for 2012 (one can't live without the other, right?)

"Congratulations to Miss North Carolina, Kristen Dalton, who won the Miss USA pageant last night. So, I guess Republicans now have a V.P. candidate for 2012." --Jimmy Fallon

"Well, here's no surprise, Exxon has earned the top spot in the new 2009 Fortune 500 list. Last year, Exxon took in -- this is an unbelievable number -- $443 billion in revenue, and made a profit of $45 billion. You know, here's my question: why not have Exxon bail out the car companies? I mean, one can't live without the other, right?" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Bush spent four hours seeing how many Reese's Pieces he could hold between his toes (thinking about being black again)

"President Bush is back in Texas, unemployed like much of the rest of America. Bush reportedly spent the day cataloging his papers, outlining his memoirs, and sketching out plans for his presidential library. Just kidding. He spent four hours seeing how many Reese's Pieces he could hold between his toes. 38, it turns out." --Jimmy Kimmel

"He's really getting tough. Yesterday, President Obama issued an executive order banning gifts from lobbyists, any gifts to anyone serving in his administration. In fact, today they went down and removed the gas pump that Exxon installed in Dick Cheney's office." --Jay Leno

"Of course, the media frenzy over Barack Obama is just getting bigger and bigger. It is really contagious. In fact, now that Barack Obama's president, Michael Jackson said he's thinking about being black again." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Obama was reportedly angry about the claim, but didn’t say exactly why (Just make sure not to get any mist in your eyes or lungs)

"While she was addressing the crowd, Sarah Palin spent a lot of time criticizing Barack Obama's campaign speeches for not having enough specifics. Obama was reportedly angry about the claim, but didn’t say exactly why." --Conan O'Brien

Olympics start tomorrow in Beijing. People still concerned about the air quality. Earlier this week this is a true story a member of the International Olympic Committee said that the smog in Beijing isn’t pollution; its mist. Then, he said, 'Just make sure not to get any mist in your eyes or lungs.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

She just thought he had really bad aim (The winner will then be selected by Exxon-Mobil)

"The former first lady of New Jersey and soon to be ex-wife of gay former Governor Jim McGreevey was on 'Oprah' today. She wrote a book that claims even though she was married to the guy for almost four years, she never knew Jim McGreevey was gay. She just thought he had really bad aim." --Jimmy Kimmel

"This week, all the Republican candidates will be coming to California to debate each other at the Reagan Library. The winner will then be selected by Exxon-Mobil." --Jay Leno

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

a hi-tech robot from the future should be able to speak a little better English (Mother and Child)

"Tonight the Republican presidential candidates had a big debate, 10 candidates. The last time that many rich white guys got together, I think Exxon merged with Mobil." --Jay Leno

"Former President Bill Clinton did a video for his wife Hillary's presidential campaign. Although Hillary was a little upset about it, because it turns out Bill did the video with Paris Hilton." --Jay Leno

"Plans are in the works for another terminator movie, 'Terminator 4,' but Arnold Schwarzenegger will not return as the terminator. I guess they finally realized that a hi-tech robot from the future should be able to speak a little better English than that." --Jay Leno

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Corporations Get Their Payback (Girlfriend please!)

"A new poll finds that Dick Cheney has a 59% disapproval rating, which makes him the least popular vice president in history. Even worse, the only people polled were Cheney's wife and kids." --Conan O'Brien

"Next month, the Democratic presidential candidates will participate in the first ever debate focused entirely on gay issues. Yeah, apparently in the gay debate when one candidate disagrees with another, they'll be required to begin their rebuttal with 'Girlfriend please!'" --Conan O'Brien

     

A magisterial collection. An emotional rollercoaster, soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984. http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

I just wanted to relive that fond memory (the dumbest group of voters in the world)

The New York Times is reporting that Donald Trump is expected to fire his Secretary of State Rex Tillerson in the coming weeks. Or as Rex Tillerson is calling it, a Christmas miracle. –James Corden

Honestly, Tillerson says he’s not paying attention to the rumors. And as the former head of ExxonMobil, he’s used to ignoring lots of leaks. –James Corden

It’s not really surprising that Trump would fire Tillerson. If you remember, Rex Tillerson, over the summer, reportedly called Trump a, and I quote, a (bleep) moron. I don’t have a joke here, I just wanted to relive that fond memory. –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

He's starting to prune up (they are registered at Mobil, Exxon and Shell)

"The good news is that President Bush's daughter, Jenna Bush, is engaged. The bad news is she is marrying Rudolph Giuliani. Dick Cheney is hoping for a shotgun wedding. Jenna announced her engagement two weeks ago, although President Bush knew about it over a month ago from some wiretaps. If you'd like to get the young couple something for the wedding, they are registered at Mobil, Exxon and Shell." -Jay Leno

"Fred Thompson said he's still testing the waters in his bid for the presidency. He's been testing the water for what, six month now? In fact, those aren't wrinkles on his face. He's starting to prune up." --Jay Leno

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

This time, they actually counted the votes (Exxon-size tax cuts)

"Last week, it got a little dramatic. Senator Hillary Clinton called General Petraeus a liar. And believe this, if there's one thing she knows, it's how to spot a guy who's lying." --Jay Leno

"Congratulations to Al Gore! Al Gore won an Emmy last night. Actually, you know the secret to his win? This time, they actually counted the votes." --Jay Leno

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Stating the Obvious (damaging toxic leaks)

NBC News reported this morning that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson nearly resigned back in July due to conflicts with President Trump. But Tillerson held an impromptu press conference today to deny the story. Now Tillerson, you may recall, is the former CEO of Exxon Mobil. So, he's used to pretending that nothing is wrong after a damaging toxic leak. –James Corden

Also in that NBC story, this is the best of it, it was reported that Tillerson had called Trump a "moron." Yeah. So I guess Tillerson isn't so much secretary of state as he is secretary of stating the obvious. –James Corden

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Exxon says they'll give $11 million to anyone who kills that guy (2,000-year-old Jewish man who is not Larry King)

"In New Jersey today, there were dangerous winds, with gusts up to 50 miles an hour. The winds were so strong that they blew former Governor McGreevey off his chauffeur." --Conan O'Brien

"Well, of course, this Sunday is Easter. Of course, Easter is that very, very holy day when Christians around the world honor a 2,000-year-old Jewish man who is not Larry King." --Conan O'Brien

"A big insurance company just announced they will give $10 million to anyone who can invent a car that gets 100 miles per gallon. Meanwhile, Exxon says they'll give $11 million to anyone who kills that guy." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats