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Showing posts with label moron. Show all posts
Showing posts with label moron. Show all posts

Sunday, January 16, 2022

Hey! What’s that word mean? (What really bothers them...)


January 2022

During a senate committee hearing Dr. Anthony Fauci was heard on a hot mic calling senator Roger Marshall a moron. Replied Marshall, ‘Hey! What’s that word mean?’ —Colin Jost

Delta Airlines said that this winter’s Covid surge cost them more than $400 in cancelled flights after 8,000 employees caught the coronavirus. Which would never happen to Spirit Airlines employees, because when you fly Spirit, they keep the windows open. —Colin Jost

Well, just like everyone else, President Biden’s New Year’s resolution feel apart in the third week in January. The Supreme Court struck down his vaccine mandate, the voting rights bill got blocked and his approval rating is so low it has gone into power save mode. But I will point out that there was another president who had a disastrous start to his first term, yet he became an inspiration to generations of republicans even to this day. I’m talking, of course, about Jefferson Davis. President of the confederacy, and there are still statues of him in ten states. Which, come to think of it, probably explain why the voting rights stuff isn’t working out. The bottom line is, I think Biden just needs more time. He might be more of an acquired taste. And unfortunately, most Americans recently lost their sense of taste. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry


 

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

This is infinity here (You'd look idiotic)


"Congress began hearings today on the government's response to Hurricane Katrina. Today? They're just investigating Hurricane Katrina now? That's pretty sad, when the government's investigation of the government's slow response to Katrina is slower than the government's response to Katrina." --Jay Leno
"The perjury trial of I. Lewis Scooter Libby, former chief of staff to Vice President Cheney, is underway in Washington. This case dates back to 2003 and the State of the Union address. So, perhaps a quick refresher would be appropriate. Once upon a time, there was a very bad man [on screen: Saddam Hussein] who was doing a very bad thing [on screen: Pres. Bush saying he learned from the British gov't that Hussein sought large quantities of uranium from Africa]. Slam dunk. Amazing story. How did the president know? Because the British told him ... but the British weren't so sure. So, we really wanted to kill this guy, but you can't just go around killing people because you think they have weapons of mass destruction. You'd look idiotic." --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Thursday, April 26, 2018

I think I'd have a drink too if I had to check Donald Trump's prostate (new housewives of Beverly Hills)


Donald Trump's White House doctor, who Trump nominated for secretary of Veteran's Affairs, is having trouble getting confirmed by Congress. Dr. Ronny Jackson is being accused of overseeing a hostile workplace, over-prescribing drugs, and even drinking on the job. Then again, I got to say, I think I'd have a drink too if I had to check Donald Trump's prostate. --James Corden
A hostile workplace, prescription drugs, and day drinking? On the bright side, today Ronny Jackson was named as one of the new housewives of Beverly Hills. --James Corden
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


Thursday, October 19, 2017

wallowing in my own anger (Holocaust Deniers Lane)



"With the streets here gridlocked by security, how would Ahmadinejad have the time to make all these commitments? Simple. He gets to drive in the Holocaust Deniers Lane. One thing you can't deny is the time you'll save." --Jon Stewart

"Today, New York City is host to a very famous tourist. I am talking about Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadine-if you can make it there, you'll make it anywhere-jad. He's here for the U.N.'s annual General Assembly, but the big controversy, of course, is his stop at a college campus. He was invited to speak at Columbia University as part of their new lecture series, 'Why I Should Not Be Invited To Speak At Columbia University.' I was not at the lecture, but the man is a powerful performer. You have not heard him deny the Holocaust until you've heard him deny it live. I'm glad that he's here because he makes me angry, and there's nothing I like more than wallowing in my own anger." --Stephen Colbert
     
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans


Friday, October 13, 2017

Your moron comment was fake news! (Biglyer than yours)


Last night the rapper Eminem attacked President Trump in a freestyle rap video that aired at the BET Awards. The title of Eminem’s rap is “The Storm,” so naturally Donald Trump reacted by throwing rolls of paper towels at it. –James Corden

Eminem’s lyrics were politically charged. He defended the NFL players who have been kneeling during the national anthem, and later Donald Trump responded with his own rap that went, “Will the NFL players please stand up, please stand up, please stand up.” –James Corden
      
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

that could have been any meeting (he ran out of fingers)


An article today revealed that during a national security meeting last summer, Donald Trump said that he wanted to increase the number of America’s nuclear weapons by tenfold. Ten fold. Trump would have gone higher than tenfold but he ran out of fingers to count them on. –James Corden

Now this was all part of the same meeting where Secretary of State Rex Tillerson reportedly called Trump a moron. Although let’s be honest, we’ve all heard Donald Trump speak — that could have been any meeting. –James Corden
      
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Thursday, October 12, 2017

I double-dog dare you to push the button/tense nuclear standoff/insult humor



Secretary of State Rex Tillerson was in the middle of tense negotiations about North Korea and their nuclear program, when Trump tweeted that Tillerson was "Wasting his time trying to negotiate with little rocket man." Everybody knows there is no better way to defuse a tense nuclear standoff than with insult humor. –Stephen Colbert

Who can forget during the Cuban Missile Crisis when Kennedy tweeted, "Cueball @Khrushchev and Lil' Beardy don't have the [guts]. I double-dog dare you to push the button." –Stephen Colbert

Today in an interview with Forbes, Trump defended his actions towards Tillerson, saying, "He was wasting his time. I'm not undermining. I think I'm actually strengthening authority." Yes, I'm not burning your house down. I'm lowering your heating bills. –Stephen Colbert
     
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans


she just found a joint in her son’s Bible (harvest time)



White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders today said that President Trump’s comment that he has a higher IQ than Secretary of State Rex Tillerson was a joke and told reporters they should “get a sense of humor.” They should get a sense of humor? You’re the one who always looks like she just found a joint in her son’s Bible. –Seth Meyers

A CNN anchor said yesterday that Sen. Bob Corker’s recent criticism of President Trump was his way of “planting seeds” to call into question Trump’s fitness for office. You’re just now planting seeds? I think it’s harvest time. –Seth Meyers
     
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

I’m guessing that shower never happened (the lower the number, the better the score)



I would definitely pay $100 to watch Rex Tillerson and Donald Trump take IQ tests against each other. And I guarantee the next day, Kellyanne Conway would be saying that the lower the number, the better the score. –Jimmy Kimmel

The New Yorker today released audio of fired Hollywood movie producer Harvey Weinstein begging a model to come into his hotel room and watch him shower. And by the looks of him, I’m guessing that shower never happened. –Seth Meyers
    
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

For the survival of the world (IQ tests)


Last week we learned that Rex Tillerson was quoted as calling Trump an "effing moron" behind his back. Trump tweeted the story was false. Clearly this is still eating at the president. This morning in a new interview with Forbes Magazine, they asked him about it and he said, "I think it's fake news. If he did that, I guess we'll have to compare IQ tests and I can tell you who was going to win." Rex Tillerson, right? –Jimmy Kimmel

No intelligent person would get into an IQ contest with his own secretary of state. At this point I'm not sure Donald Trump could finish the maze on the back of a Denny's kids' menu. –Jimmy Kimmel
      
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans


Wednesday, October 11, 2017

I'm With Moron (command of the crayon)



President Trump is back to golfing, and he played with Lindsey Graham yesterday and said it was “wet and windy.” But luckily, some people from Puerto Rico came and threw their paper towels at him. –Jimmy Fallon

This morning, Trump went on Twitter and talked about signing an executive order on healthcare, saying that he’d use "the power of the pen." Or in his case, the "command of the crayon." –Jimmy Fallon
     
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

I told you we shouldn't (do not look to your right)



This is the number one Trump feud of the day, if not the year so far. Donald Trump’s first wife, Ivana, not to be confused with Ivanka, has a new book coming out tomorrow called “Raising Trump,” in which she talks about what a great job she did raising those kids. And there’s interesting nuggets in the book. She claims when pregnant with her first child, Trump told her he didn’t want to name him Donald Jr. because, and I quote, “What if he’s a loser?” And now every time they talk, he’s like, I told you we shouldn't — anyway. –Jimmy Kimmel

Vice president Mike Pence left the stadium before yesterday’s game between the Indianapolis Colts and San Francisco 49ers after several players on the 49ers kneeled in protest during the national anthem. Wow, dude, if you’re that easily offended, do not look to your right. You’ll be shocked. –Seth Meyers
      
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

he heard the phrase “man on man” and got really uncomfortable (moron, pt. 2)



Vice President Mike Pence left the Colts game yesterday after some of the 49ers kneeled during the national anthem. Also, because he heard the phrase “man on man” and got really uncomfortable. –Jimmy Fallon

I read that the cost of Pence’s trip to the game was $200,000 if you factor in the flying, security, and hotel rooms, plus the ice cream in the helmet Trump asked him to bring back. –Jimmy Fallon
     
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Monday, October 9, 2017

Civil War? World War II? Vietnam? (victims of the gun lobby)


     
Vice President Mike Pence will visit Puerto Rico tomorrow. Pence will survey the damage caused when Donald Trump made landfall. Vice President Pence said in an op-ed yesterday that the U.S. will “lead in space again” under the Trump administration. Space? It took him two weeks to figure out how to get to Puerto Rico. –Seth Meyers
     
I am so worried about Secretary of State Rex Tillerson. Yesterday, NBC News reported Tillerson was on the verge of resigning his position this summer and had openly disparaged President Trump, referring to him as a “moron.” That’s usually something you say right before you quit. “Hey boss, can I have five minutes of your time? You moron.” –Stephen Colbert
      
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

mostly false/false/pants on fire false (Moron Fake News Breasts)



The Senate Intel Committee, by the way, is busy right now looking into the fake news stories the Russians made up to help Trump win the election. The other irony is no one, no breathing human on planet Earth, produces more fake news than Donald Trump. This is Donald Trump’s rating on PolitiFact, the nonpartisan fact-checking organization: According to them only 5 percent of the things that come out of his mouth are true. More than two-thirds, 69 percent, are either mostly false, false, or pants on fire false. –Jimmy Kimmel

This is another chart, from The Washington Post. Over the last 232 days, Donald Trump has made 1,145 claims that are false or misleading. And that’s just the stuff he says in public. Donald Trump is a tornado of fake news. He’s the Michael Jordan, Elvis Presley, and Great Wall of China of fake news combined. Donald Trump criticizing fake news is like Hugh Hefner criticizing fake breasts. –Jimmy Kimmel
      
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Why congress does nothing to stop gun violence (Our Hands Are Tied!)



It makes you wonder: If Santa is dead, whose lap have my children been sitting on? Just when you think the week wouldn’t get any worse, Santa’s dead and he’s rotting under a Turkish church. –Jimmy Kimmel

President Trump is still fuming about this Rex Tillerson story. It was reported yesterday Secretary of State Rex Tillerson wanted to resign earlier this year and referred to the president as a “effing moron” at a meeting. Trump tweeted multiple times yesterday, insisting the story was fake. Tillerson decided to hold a press conference at which he denied ever wanting to resign, but did not answer the moron question. That’s got the president’s little thumbs tingling. This morning he again tweeted, “Why isn’t the Senate Intel Committee looking into the fake news networks in our country to see why so much of our news is just made up, fake!” I guess he’s moved on from Puerto Rico and Las Vegas. –Jimmy Kimmel
     
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

NRA and congress must wash blood off hands after each gun massacre



Following yesterday’s story that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called Trump a moron, this morning Donald Trump went on a Twitter rant, saying, “This is fake news put out by NBC. Low news and reporting standards.” Now, he may be right about NBC having low standards. They did air 14 seasons of “The Apprentice.” –James Corden

After posting the initial story about Tillerson calling Trump a moron, NBC journalists then shot back, saying that Tillerson actually called him a [bleeping] moron. I take it back about them having low standards. I think this is NBC’s greatest comeback since “Will & Grace.” –James Corden
     
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

My boss only had 12 followers, and he’s still pretty popular (King Moron)



Trump has more Twitter followers than Pope Francis. But the Pope doesn’t mind; he said, “My boss only had 12 followers, and he’s still pretty popular.” –Jimmy Fallon

O.J. Simpson said that during the nine years he’s been in prison, he hasn’t really changed at all. Then his parole officer said, “Ohhhkay – I guess you’re going back to prison.” –Jimmy Fallon
      
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans



Friday, October 6, 2017

I didn't know there were enough people left to qualify for chaos (Read'em and Weep)


      
Ladies and gentlemen, I have some shocking news. There's chaos in the Trump White House. I didn't know there were enough people left to qualify for chaos. –Stephen Colbert



      
It all started this morning, when NBC News reported that over the summer, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson openly disparaged Trump by referring to him as a "moron" after a meeting at the Pentagon. Hold on there, Rex! Nobody calls our president a moron except me! And other world leaders. And, ultimately, history. –Stephen Colbert


     
Of course, Donald Trump is dealing with huge issues right now — Puerto Rico, Las Vegas, sadly, North Korea — so, naturally, he kept his eye on the ball and let this Tillerson story pass. I'm just kidding! This morning he tweeted, “NBC news is #FakeNews and even more dishonest than CNN. They are a disgrace to good reporting.” What's lovely is that in times of trouble, Donald Trump always is there — for himself. –Stephen Colbert




      
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans



How's the moron today? (tweet rage 7:29am)


     
NBC News had a story this morning that claimed Secretary of State Rex Tillerson insulted Donald Trump's intelligence. While normally the president is very thick-skinned about this sort of thing, I guess this morning it bothered him. He went on a tweet rage that started at 7:29 a.m. –Jimmy Kimmel



     
NBC News reported that during a Cabinet meeting in July, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called President Trump a moron. If Trump is upset Rex Tillerson called him a moron, wait till he finds out what the rest of the country has been calling him. –Jimmy Kimmel



     
This is the first administration where Cabinet secretaries regularly hold press conferences to announce they're not quitting. Usually happens just before they quit. I wish he would have said, "Of course I called him a moron. Everyone calls him a moron. We go around the West Wing going, 'How's the moron today?'" –Jimmy Kimmel



      
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans