It's true, now hand me another golden sausage (They wouldn't dare interrupt their game of croquet)

"I'm not a political expert, but I think going after the rich is a good idea in an election year, or any other year for that matter. Because let's face it, rich people are bastards. Even rich people would agree with that. They're like, 'It's true, now hand me another golden sausage.'"  –Craig Ferguson

"Jenna Bush was hired as a correspondent for the 'Today' show. People wonder if her dad was a factor in her getting the job. If he was, it looks like she overcame it and got the job anyway." --Craig Ferguson

"At the convention tonight, the surprise speaker was Clint Eastwood. What's more surprising than a grumpy old white guy at the Republican convention?" –Craig Ferguson

"So far rich people have been very quiet about the possibility of getting taxes raised on them, but that doesn't mean they won't get mad about it, it just means they don't know about it. Because it takes a while for bad news to reach a rich person. First their accountant has to tell the butler, who has to tell the servant, who wouldn't dare interrupt their game of croquet." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's the same schedule her old man had (The child of fear, the father of ignorance, and the weapon of tyrants)

"Jenna Bush was hired as a correspondent for the 'Today' show. They say Jenna will contribute about once a month. It's the same schedule her old man had." --David Letterman

"The Miss Universe pageant is fascinating. It's judged on poise -- you have to have poise -- judged on beauty, and also how you walk in high heels. What a coincidence, it's also how the Republicans pick a vice presidential candidate. The same criteria." --David Letterman

"Do you remember when George W. Bush was the President? Eight years of big time fun. And he had the daughters, the Bush twins. And well, listen to this. One of the Bush twins, Jenna, 27 years old now, not just a kid. So now, listen to this. Jenna Bush is going to be on the 'Today' show. And if there is anything this country needs, it's more of that family. They can't get enough." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I pledge not to spill 4.9 million barrels of oil into the Gulf of Mexico (she accidentally called him dad)

October 2011

"Herman Cain has moved ahead of Mitt Romney. Can you believe that? Political analysts say this is because Americans don't understand Mormonism but they do understand pizza." –Conan O'Brien

"This morning on the 'Today' show, Jenna Bush interviewed Ozzy Osbourne. Ozzy was so confused and inarticulate that Jenna accidentally called him 'dad.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Hulk Hogan says he no longer supports President Obama. Yeah. But the president's not worried because he has the support of the Iron Sheik and Triple H." –Conan O'Brien 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Bush also ignored Cheney's advice to attack Switzerland, Jamaica, and Antarctica (Looking Sober)

"In a new interview, Dick Cheney says former President Bush ignored his advice to take military action against Iran's nuclear program. That's true. Bush also ignored Cheney's advice to attack Switzerland, Jamaica, and Antarctica." --Conan O'Brien

"Jenna Bush was hired as a correspondent for the 'Today' show. People wonder if her dad was a factor in her getting the job. If he was, it looks like she overcame it and got the job anyway." --Craig Ferguson

"Big announcement at NBC. George Bush's daughter, Jenna, was just hired as a correspondent on the 'Today' show. The show said they wanted someone who would make Kathie Lee look sober." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

it's no surprise, the $3 billion contract went to Halliburton (#repealreplacerepublicans)

"Indiana Congressman Mike Pence hit the nail on the head. If there's one thing that everyone I've talked to can agree on, it's that Iraq is exactly like an Indiana market in the summertime. This is the sort of place where people don't even lock their doors at night. Heck, most people don't even have doors." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Riggle

"One of the president's daughters, the lovely Jenna Bush, is getting married. Now they're thinking, if they can just marry off Condoleezza Rice. Yea, it looks pretty good that Jenna's getting married, but first the guy has to be confirmed by Congress. It's going to be an expensive wedding. I guess it's no surprise, the $3 billion contract went to Halliburton." --David Letterman

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

He's starting to prune up (they are registered at Mobil, Exxon and Shell)

"The good news is that President Bush's daughter, Jenna Bush, is engaged. The bad news is she is marrying Rudolph Giuliani. Dick Cheney is hoping for a shotgun wedding. Jenna announced her engagement two weeks ago, although President Bush knew about it over a month ago from some wiretaps. If you'd like to get the young couple something for the wedding, they are registered at Mobil, Exxon and Shell." -Jay Leno

"Fred Thompson said he's still testing the waters in his bid for the presidency. He's been testing the water for what, six month now? In fact, those aren't wrinkles on his face. He's starting to prune up." --Jay Leno

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

instead of yelling out her name he'd yell 'complete stranger in the stall next to me!'

"There were signs that Senator Larry Craig was into this kind of thing, like today his wife said during sex instead of yelling out her name he'd yell 'complete stranger in the stall next to me!'" --Jay Leno

"President Bush's daughter Jenna Bush is engaged to be married, but no date has been set for the wedding. He's against any kind of timetable." --Jay Leno

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Unless you count that trucker who played hard to get (that's just your grandmother)

"In a recent interview, President Bush's daughter, Jenna, said she believes there's a ghost in the White House. Then President Bush told her, 'No sweetheart, that's just your grandmother.'" --Conan O'Brien

"According to an exclusive interview, Senator Larry Craig said that because of his sex scandal, he's now in 'the toughest fight of his life.' Then Craig added, 'Unless you count that trucker who played hard to get.'" --Conan O'Brien

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Unless you count that trucker who played hard to get

"Over the weekend,  Senator Craig was inducted into the Idaho Stall of Fame. Did I say stall? I meant to say Hall of Fame. This guy got into the Idaho Hall of Fame. So who are the people who lost to Craig?" --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama is attacking some of Hillary Clinton's comments on torture. At one point, Hillary Clinton said that in some narrow cases, torture could be acceptable. Like, for example, when you're husband is sneaking in at 2:30 in the morning" --Jay Leno

"In a recent interview, President Bush's daughter, Jenna, said she believes there's a ghost in the White House. Then President Bush told her, 'No sweetheart, that's just your  grandmother.'" --Conan O'Brien

"According to an exclusive interview, Senator Larry Craig said that because of his sex scandal, he's now in 'the toughest fight of his life.' Then Craig added, 'Unless you count that trucker who played hard to get.'" --Conan O'Brien

Bill Clinton yelled, 'How 'bout Salma Hayek?'

"President Bush's daughter  Jenna is now saying she doesn't want to get married at the White House. She wants her wedding to be in Crawford, Texas. When asked why, Jenna said, 'I want my dad to be there.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Speaking of politics, Hillary has a big lead in the Democratic race for president. Political insiders are speculating that if Hillary Clinton wins the nomination, she may choose a Hispanic running mate. When he heard about this, Bill Clinton yelled, 'How 'bout Salma Hayek?'" --Conan O'Brien

"The Iraqi government has ordered $100 million worth of weapons made in China. An Iraqi official said, 'We're hoping China makes weapons that are half as deadly as their toys.'" --Conan O'Brien

So what does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?

"Last week, Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts to fight global warming. Congratulations to Al Gore. Not to be outdone, today the oil companies named President Bush 'Man of The Year.'" --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama is attacking some of  Hillary Clinton's comments on torture. At one point, Hillary Clinton said that in some narrow cases, torture could be acceptable. Like, for example, when you're husband is sneaking in at 2:30 in the morning" --Jay Leno

"In a recent interview, President Bush's daughter, Jenna, said she believes there's a ghost in the White House. Then President Bush told her, 'No sweetheart, that's just your  grandmother.'" --Conan O'Brien

"According to an exclusive interview,  Senator Larry Craig said that because of his sex scandal, he's now in 'the toughest fight of his life.' Then Craig added, 'Unless you count that trucker who played hard to get.'" --Conan O'Brien

Oh, wait a minute. That's her father.

 "President Bush's daughter Jenna was cited for underage drinking. That's too bad, when you see something like that happen. She was apparently slurring words, couldn't remember the alphabet. Oh, wait a minute. That's her father." —David Letterman

 "Jenna and Barbara Bush celebrated their 21st birthday last week with a party at the Cheers Shot bar in Austin. Following Bush tradition, the drinking started at 5 p.m. and will end in 19 years." —Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"President Bush's twin daughters, Barbara and Jenna, turned 21 on Monday. After receiving their birthday cake, Barbara and Jenna made a wish and then blew a .25 on the breathalyzer. ... The White House would not release a statement on how the twins celebrated the milestone, but they did say Dick Cheney's undisclosed location was totally trashed." —Craig Kilborn

Should Bush sit on Cheney's right knee or his left knee?

"President Bush this week said that between going to war and raising twins, he'd pick war. His daughters Jenna and Barbara then sent him a big bag of pretzels for the Super Bowl." —Dennis Miller

"Newsweek magazine says that President Bush is determined not to make the same mistakes as his father did, you know like letting his kids get involved in politics." —Jay Leno

"President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney are scheduled to testify before the 9/11 commission. I guess right now they're finalizing the seating arrangements. Should Bush sit on Cheney's right knee or his left knee?" —Jay Leno

Advice from a guy that created a $450 billion deficit

"Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he is going to ask President Bush for help with the budget. What better way to deal with a $38 billion deficit than get advice from a guy that created a $450 billion deficit." —Jay Leno

"Jenna and Barbara Bush celebrated their 21st birthday last week with a party at the Cheers Shot bar in Austin. Following Bush tradition, the drinking started at 5 p.m. and will end in 19 years." —Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"President Bush's twin daughters, Barbara and Jenna, turned 21 on Monday. After receiving their birthday cake, Barbara and Jenna made a wish and then blew a .25 on the breathalyzer. The White House would not release a statement on how the twins celebrated the milestone, but they did say Dick Cheney's undisclosed location was totally trashed." —Craig Kilborn

"President Bush this week said that between going to war and raising twins, he'd pick war. His daughters Jenna and Barbara then sent him a big bag of pretzels for the Super Bowl." —Dennis Miller

Mr. Lucky wants to be closer to 'Elf: The Musical'


“President Obama lit the national Christmas tree, a 40-foot Colorado Spruce. Republicans don't believe it's really from Colorado, and they want to see a birth certificate." –Jay Leno



"George W. Bush's daughter, Jenna, is moving to New York City so that she can be closer to her twin sister, Barbara. Meanwhile, their dad plans to visit New York, so that he can be closer to 'Elf: The Musical.'" –Jimmy Fallon 

"Have you seen President Bush has already started running his campaign ads, the theme of which, apparently is, 'This Shit Ain't My Fault.' No, I'm serious, his ads talk about the attacks of 9/11, the recession, the dot-com bubble bursting, and then they end with his slogan, 'Vote For Me, Mr. Lucky.'" —Bill Maher



Offers have gone way down ever since the economy was ruined by . . . someone

I stand by this man. (Bush) I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he also stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound - with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.
- Stephen Colbert

"Sarah Palin is going to Haiti this weekend to deliver humanitarian aid. If there's one thing that's reassuring, it's seeing Sarah Palin above you in a helicopter." –Jimmy Fallon


"George W. Bush’s daughter, Jenna, just put her home in Baltimore on the market for $500,000. The real estate agent said, 'I just want to warn you that offers have gone way down ever since the economy was ruined by . . . someone.'" –Jimmy Fallon