If his poll numbers get any worse, he’s going to start doing press conferences on top of the Washington monument (nah, not feeling it)

The the president was seen wandering around on the roof of the White House. Trump, with his approval rating now at an all-time low, went on the roof because “he can’t answer your questions if he can’t hear them. If his poll numbers get any worse, he’s going to start doing press conferences on top of the Washington monument.” —Seth Meyers

“Everything about this story is as shady as a cave. Ghislaine Maxwell was transferred to a cushier prison in Texas, and now sources are saying that she told the justice department that Trump never did anything concerning around her. “Well, he’s in the clear! Good work, gentleman! I know we all had our suspicions, but the convicted sex trafficker of underage girls didn’t see anything that concerned her. No red flags for Ghislaine during her decade-long career of underage sex trafficking. She said right here in the transcript: ‘What was Donald Trump doing with Jeffrey Epstein? Nothing that concerned me, Ghislaine Maxwell, sex trafficker. I would’ve done what he did. Well, back to my normal non-concerning workaday grindstone … of sex trafficking.’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That looks nothing like me (I wish to get faded)

Today in 1884, the Washington Monument was completed, and if George Washington were here today to see it he would probably say, “That looks nothing like me.” –Seth Meyers

A company has developed a new robotic arm that attaches to toilet lids and automatically puts the seat down. And it says a lot about men that this was an easier solution than just asking them to do it. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Anyway, long story short, Caesar's Palace now owns Rhode Island. So, no big deal (You know it’s cold outside when...)

The blizzard is also supposed to hit Washington, D.C. You know it’s cold outside when the Washington Monument actually shrinks about 40 feet. –Jimmy Fallon 

“Tonight, President Biden attended a big Democratic fundraiser in Las Vegas. Yep, not really the best timing for Biden. Yesterday, he assured us the banking system is safe, and 24 hours later, he rolled up in Vegas. He's like, ‘Putting it all on black.’ Anyway, long story short, Caesar's Palace now owns Rhode Island. So, no big deal.”  —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Think about baseball, think about baseball, think about baseball... ($70,000 wasn’t enough)

A 45-foot-tall statue of a nude woman will be placed next to the Washington Monument. Which explains why the Washington Monument is like, “Think about baseball, think about baseball, think about baseball...” –Jimmy Fallon

“The crazy part of Trump’s tax returns isn’t that he spent $70,000 on his hair; it’s that clearly $70,000 wasn’t enough.” —Jimmy Fallon

"Speaking of NBC, did you guys see this? Last night, Brian Williams continued with the 'NBC Nightly News' while a high-pitched fire alarm went off in the studio. Yeah, he kept talking over a loud screeching sound - or as that's also known, 'The View.'" –Jimmy Fallon November 2011

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Wow, this place looks exactly like Earth (Where do they come up with this stuff?)

Donald Trump was in Moon Township, Pennsylvania. When he got to Moon Township, he was like, “Wow, this place looks exactly like Earth.” --Jimmy Fallon

"London's famous Globe Theatre announced plans to perform Shakespeare's play 'Hamlet' in North Korea. Of course, 'Hamlet' is about a man on a murderous revenge mission inspired by his late father. Then Kim Jong Un said, 'Where do they come up with this stuff?'" –Jimmy Fallon

The blizzard is also supposed to hit Washington, D.C. You know it’s cold outside when the Washington Monument actually shrinks about 40 feet. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That looks nothing like me (most of his words are slurs)

Towards the end of the speech on Israel today, President Trump began to slur his words, leading some to speculate that he may have been wearing dentures. But the White House insists that it's nothing unusual and that most of his words are slurs. –Seth Meyers

Gov. Chris Christie currently has a 19 percent approval rating in New Jersey. The only thing less popular in New Jersey is the top button. –Seth Meyers

Today in 1884, the Washington Monument was completed, and if George Washington were here today to see it he would probably say, “That looks nothing like me.” –Seth Meyers

A company has developed a new robotic arm that attaches to toilet lids and automatically puts the seat down. And it says a lot about men that this was an easier solution than just asking them to do it. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In fact, earlier today, President Bush promised to rebuild Miss Louisiana (I mean, come on. Cut me a slice of that! Yeah!)

"It was gone, maybe you didn't even know it was gone, but now

it's back, I'm talking about the Miss America pageant. Everybody

has Miss America fever. In fact, earlier today, President Bush

promised to rebuild Miss Louisiana." --David Letterman

"How about the Republican convention? Have you been watching

that? Well, here's the roster of speakers tonight: George W. Bush

is speaking tonight. Joe Lieberman, speaking tonight. Fred

Thompson, speaking tonight. I mean, come on. Cut me a slice

of that! Yeah!" --David Letterman

"It's frightening to be alive, walking around this planet in 2008.

Listen to this. A 20,000-pound satellite has burned out. It's going

to crash into us. It's already starting to plummet and soon it will

explode. There's going to be a fire. Oh, no, wait a minute. I'm sorry,

I'm thinking about the Giuliani campaign" –David Letterman

"Donald Trump as President of the United States. I can't wait for

the Washington monument to turn into a condo."

--David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's what they're doing right now for Hillary Clinton (Thanks, but I'm happily married)

May 2014

"The earthquake damaged the Washington Monument. They had to do some sandblasting, had to have the graffiti removed, and then they filled in the cracks with some sort of sealant. It's what they're doing right now for Hillary Clinton." –David Letterman

"During his trip to the White House yesterday, Uruguay's president said that more Americans should be bilingual. Then Joe Biden said, 'Thanks, but I'm happily married.'' –Jimmy Fallon 

"A federal judge ruled yesterday that Idaho's ban on same-sex marriage is unconstitutional, so now it's legal for gay couples to get married. Idaho's gay people all cheered – from their homes in San Francisco and New York." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is what we have been training for, people! Let's go! (Hillary Clinton ran past him into the Oval Office)

May 2014

"What must it be like to work at a rehab facility and you see Toronto Mayor Rob Ford walk through the door? I can imagine: red lights start flashing, a siren goes off, someone yells, 'This is what we have been training for, people! Let's go!'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"A new report says that global warming could cause Boston to end up completely underwater. Bostonians say, 'We're OK with that as long as it happens when the Yankees are in town.' They hate them that much." –Conan O'Brien

"They are reopening the Washington monument. The thing has been shut down for the last two years – like the Obama administration." –David Letterman

"During his visit to the White House, the President of Uruguay lectured President Obama about the dangers of smoking. Then, when Obama said 'Oh, I quit,' Hillary Clinton ran past him into the Oval Office." –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm already against the next war (the Washington Monument, brought to you by Cialis)

April 2013

"This week on the 'Today' show, Chelsea Clinton said she's open to running for political office one day. When she heard that, Sasha Obama was like, 'Cool. How does secretary of state sound?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"North Korea threatened to launch a missile at South Korea. North Korea backed down after South Korea threatened to launch a sequel to 'Gangnam Style.'" –Conan O'Brien

"In high school Kim Jong Un starred in a production of the musical 'Grease.' That's also where Kim met his first wife, Olivia Newton Jong." –Conan O'Brien

"The Obama administration new budget plan calls for saving billions of dollars by selling off federal properties. So folks get ready for the Washington Monument, brought to you by Cialis." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

apparently he misunderstood the phrase, 'Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.' (two sizes -- regular and Washington Monument)

"In a new interview, Newt Gingrich says he cheated on two of his wives because he was too consumed with love for his country. Yeah, apparently he misunderstood the phrase, 'Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Starting today, the New York Times reduced the size of their newspaper. They cut the paper's width by an inch and a half. The move was announced with the headline 'Big Changes At New York Tim.'" --Conan O'Brien

"The Trojan Condom Company announced that it is donating 350,000 condoms to the city of Washington, DC. The DC condoms come in two sizes -- regular and Washington Monument." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The DC condoms come in two sizes (regular and Washington Monument)

"The Trojan Condom Company announced that it is donating 350,000 condoms to the city of Washington, DC. The DC condoms come in two sizes -- regular and Washington Monument." --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush addressed the nation tonight. President Bush, in the last couple of weeks, has fallen in love with a man named General Petraeus. All he talks about is General Petraeus. They say it was a crucial speech, one that could determine the future of the war. Aides say the president went through at least 20 drafts of this speech before he delivered it, and still he has no idea what it means. Something about Iraq and a lot about General Petraeus." --Jimmy Kimmel

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

how the ancient Egyptians got Mexico to pay for it (think about baseball)

Washington Monument. Which explains why the Washington Monument is like, “Think about baseball, think about baseball, think about baseball...” –Jimmy Fallon

Researchers say they may have figured out how the ancient Egyptians built the Great Pyramid of Giza. What they haven’t figured out is how the ancient Egyptians got Mexico to pay for it. –Conan O’Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

This place is a real dump! (Oh crap, the kids!)

"The Today Show" just featured a group of moms in California who said that smoking weed makes them better parents. When asked if their kids agree, the moms were like, "Oh crap, the kids!" –Jimmy Fallon

Scientists just discovered that millions of years ago, flowers had both male and female parts. As a result, President Trump has banned those flowers from serving in the military. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 @BrandNew535 @justicedems 

JOKES: You know it’s cold outside when the Washington Monument actually shrinks about 40 feet

Everyone is talking about the big snowstorm expected to hit New York. In fact, some are saying we could experience a whiteout. Things will even out on St. Patrick’s Day when we all experience a blackout. –Jimmy Fallon

The blizzard is also supposed to hit Washington, D.C. You know it’s cold outside when the Washington Monument actually shrinks about 40 feet. –Jimmy Fallon

March Madness is here. It’s the time of year I go right from my “Bachelor” bracket to my NCAA bracket and it’s really fun. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

they’re going to stay in the woods with Hillary Clinton (that looks nothing like me)

Today in 1884, the Washington Monument was completed, and if George Washington were here today to see it he would probably say, “That looks nothing like me.” –Seth Meyers

The Cleveland Cavaliers have announced that nearly half of their players will not stay at a Trump hotel in New York out of protest. And just to drive the point home, they’re going to stay in the woods with Hillary Clinton. –Seth Meyers

Gov. Chris Christie currently has a 19 percent approval rating in New Jersey. The only thing less popular in New Jersey is the top button. –Seth Meyers