You know you're boring when people would rather dig coal than listen to you speak (NOT Your Friends)

"Much like the Republicans, the Democrats are also going to have a mystery speaker. I believe it's Mitt Romney's dog." –Jay Leno

"After watching Clint Eastwood last night, be honest, Sarah Palin is not looking too bad now, is she?" –Jay Leno

"Hurricane Isaac turned out to be not much of a threat to the Republican convention. But to their credit, the Republicans had a contingency plan. If the hurricane did hit hard, delegates were instructed to evacuate to Mitt Romney's tax shelter." –Jay Leno

"A group of coal miners in Ohio said that their bosses forced them to attend a Mitt Romney campaign event. You know you're boring when people would rather dig coal than listen to you speak." –Conan O'Brien

"Some of the Republicans, I think, are overreacting to Hurricane Isaac — like today Rick Santorum was seen gathering up two of every animal." –Jay Leno

"Clint Eastwood was the mystery guest tonight at the Republican convention. Finally, a senior citizen who scares Paul Ryan." –Jay Leno

"Last night at the convention, the scheduled appearance of a three-dimensional Ronald Reagan hologram was canceled at the last minute. Of course they canceled the 3-D hologram. They didn’t want to upstage Mitt Romney. He's only one dimensional." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

she said she'll hunt down the CEO and stare at him (USA! USA!)

August 2011

"President Obama is on a bus tour to talk about jobs, and it turns out the bus was made in Canada. If he were a real American that bus would have been made in China.USA! USA!" –Conan O'Brien

"Obama said the housing market may not pick up again for another year or longer. On the bright side, President Obama now has nine people interested in his house." –Conan O'Brien 

"Michele Bachmann said that when she is president, gas prices will come down to less than $2 a gallon. When asked how she’ll make that happen, she said she'll hunt down the CEO of Exxon and stare at him." –Conan O'Brien 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You have to be, like, 25% famous to get tested (For scale, that’s four and a half Michael Bloombergs)

“The pandemic is having a devastating impact on the economy – restaurants alone could lose $225 Billion in the next three months. For scale, that’s four and a half Michael Bloombergs.” —Samantha Bee

“The economic impact of coronavirus has created a Catch-22: if you do have a job, you could be forced to work in dangerous conditions. For example, last week Amazon discovered a coronavirus case in one of its New York warehouses, and while they’re being generous enough to offer a whole extra $2 an hour for working during a plague, they offered paid time off only if workers tested positive. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but those tests are kind of hard to come by right now. You have to be, like, 25% famous to get tested. It’s the new getting verified on Twitter.” —Samantha Bee

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

As a result this year's triathlon combines running, swimming and pouring concrete (Bush's personal chef)

It’s been reported that Greece may not be able to finish building all the event sites needed for this Summer Olympics. As a result this year's triathlon combines running, swimming and pouring concrete. --Conan O’Brien 4/7/2004

A car that belonged to Pope John Paul II was sold at an auction for $700,000. The new owner says the first thing he's going to do is take off the bumper sticker that says, “no fat chicks.” --Conan O’Brien 11/2/2005

Today the White House announced that President Bush's personal chef is quitting his job. When asked why the chef said, “There's only so much you can do with Spaghetti O’s.” --Conan O’Brien 2/4/2005

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

She’s a 14-year-old girl, not a field trip! (Paradise Papers, pt. 3)

Then Roy Moore clarified, “I don’t remember ever dating any girl without the permission of her mother.” Wait a minute. How did you just make this creepier? Permission from her mother? She’s a 14-year-old girl, not a field trip! –Stephen Colbert

You’d think pedophilia accusations would immediately disqualify him as a candidate. But according to a recent poll, Alabama evangelicals are MORE likely to support Roy Moore after sexual assault allegations. Oh, I see — so “Alabama evangelical” is like “Long Island iced tea.” It isn’t what it says it is, and it makes me want to puke. –Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Everything OK, man? (Paradise Papers, pt. 1)

Uber signed a deal with NASA on Wednesday to develop “Uber Elevate,” a new type of Uber that will use flying cars. They’re developing a flying Uber. And you thought you vomited in the backseat of Ubers before. Los Angeles apparently will be one of the first cities to get flying Ubers. L.A. is perfect, because who is more qualified to fly you through the sky at 5,000 feet than an out-of-work actor-deejay-dog walker? –James Corden

The salad dressing company Hidden Valley is now offering actual kegs of ranch dressing. The kegs cost $50 and a lifetime of medical bills. When you buy one of these kegs, the cashier is legally required to put their hand on your shoulder and go, “Everything OK, man?” –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans