Bush thought he was meeting the professor from the Hogwarts school (the planting of bugs)

"Yesterday at Camp David, President Bush signed a bill into law that expands his wiretapping powers. President Bush said he knew the bill would pass because he had bugs planted in both houses of Congress." --Jay Leno

  

"Today in Washington, President Bush met with the president of Afghanistan, who was wearing that hat and the robe. President Bush was a little confused. He thought he was meeting the professor from the Hogwarts school." --Jay Leno

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Finally, some good in-flight entertainment! (just when you think you know someone)

I heard that O.J. Simpson was kicked out of a bar in Las Vegas for being drunk and belligerent. Wow — just when you think you know someone. –Jimmy Fallon

A plane in India had to make an emergency landing after a passenger found out her husband was cheating on her mid-flight. The passengers were like, “Finally, some good in-flight entertainment!” –Jimmy Fallon     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

I blame President Hillary Clinton (I don’t blame China)

  

Trump is in China to negotiate a tough trade deal. In the past, he’s accused the Chinese of currency manipulation, so he played his cards close to his chest — and immediately folded. [clip of Trump] “Both the United States and China will have a more prosperous future if we can achieve a level economic playing field. Right now, unfortunately, it is a very one-sided and unfair one. But I don’t blame China.” No, no. “I don’t blame China. Like everything else, I blame President Hillary Clinton. She has got to go.” –Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Let us observe a moment of silence (not if we get there first)

"Scientists in Russia have announced they will send a man to the moon by the year 2025. A defiant President Bush said today, 'not if we get there first.'" --Jay Leno

"After announcing last week that he was going to resign from the Senate, Idaho Senator Larry Craig, you know, the restroom enthusiast, says he may change his mind and not resign. First he's going to resign, now he's not going. Why can't the guy just be straight with us?" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

where their spine used to be (NRA Jackpot!)

"The Democrat-controlled Congress' approval rating is now somewhere between rectal itch and that douchebag on the Internet who says 'leave Britney alone.' Their approval rating is 11%. 11%! They were so stunned at this number, the Democrats, that it sent a chill up and down where their spine used to be." --Bill Maher

"But, come on, it's not all bad. Hillary did call Dick Cheney Darth Vader. Which is very unfair, because Darth Vader would have caught bin Laden by now." --Bill Maher

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Safe to come out yet? (Thoughts and Prayers)

Amazon just announced that teens can now shop on their parents’ accounts, but the order will only go through if Mom and Dad approve it. Or if they click the button that says, “Mom and Dad approve it.” –Jimmy Fallon

Amazon is also working with a company to deliver items to the trunk of your car. The company has an interesting name — “The Mafia.” –Jimmy Fallon

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Dead Eagles/the usual weekend/Doesn’t help/Oooops

     

My wife and I went to a wedding in central California on the weekend. On the way home, our electric car ran out of, er, electric. I went and got a flu shot at Walmart while it was charging for three hours. And I got in a fight with the president’s son on Twitter. So just a normal, regular — you know, the usual weekend. –Jimmy Kimmel

  

People are pointing to the fact that Harvey Weinstein was a Clinton supporter — I'm not defending Hillary Clinton. Fact is, her campaign did take money from what turned out to be a high-profile man who has been accused of sexual harassment multiple times. Not just one. She took money from Harvey Weinstein and Donald Trump, who donated to Hillary's campaign. Note to DJTJ Next time you are defending your father, you think it’s good to draw a comparison between him and a sexual predator? Don’t. Doesn’t help. –Jimmy Kimmel

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

he called Darth Vader a good dad (NRA Pay Window)

Hey, you guys, today is Columbus Day. But I read that some cities are observing Indigenous People’s Day instead. While most people said, “Call it whatever you want, as long as we get a mattress for 30 percent off.” That’s all we really want. –Jimmy Fallon

In his speech today, Trump called Christopher Columbus a skilled navigator. Then, at his Comic-Con speech, he called Darth Vader a good dad. –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Hey, there’s no weed in there now, so technically, that is a vase (every animal in the forest)

Meanwhile, on Capitol Hill, it looks like Congress might finally do something about gun control. Yesterday, congressional Republicans signaled that they would be open to banning gun conversion kits called “bump stocks,” which take advantage of a semiautomatic gun’s natural recoil, allowing it to bounce back and forth off a shooter’s trigger finger and unleash up to 100 rounds in seven seconds. It’s great for hunting – if you’ve got seven seconds to kill every animal in the forest. –Stephen Colbert

Right now, these devices are totally legal because, according to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, a bump stock “Is a firearm part and, therefore, is not regulated as a firearm.” Yes, it’s not a gun, it’s just a part of a gun. Like when your parents find your bong and you tell them, “Hey, there’s no weed in there now, so technically, that is a vase.” –Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Civil War? World War II? Vietnam? (victims of the gun lobby)

     

Vice President Mike Pence will visit Puerto Rico tomorrow. Pence will survey the damage caused when Donald Trump made landfall. Vice President Pence said in an op-ed yesterday that the U.S. will “lead in space again” under the Trump administration. Space? It took him two weeks to figure out how to get to Puerto Rico. –Seth Meyers

     

I am so worried about Secretary of State Rex Tillerson. Yesterday, NBC News reported Tillerson was on the verge of resigning his position this summer and had openly disparaged President Trump, referring to him as a “moron.” That’s usually something you say right before you quit. “Hey boss, can I have five minutes of your time? You moron.” –Stephen Colbert

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Why congress does nothing to stop gun violence (Our Hands Are Tied!)

It makes you wonder: If Santa is dead, whose lap have my children been sitting on? Just when you think the week wouldn’t get any worse, Santa’s dead and he’s rotting under a Turkish church. –Jimmy Kimmel

President Trump is still fuming about this Rex Tillerson story. It was reported yesterday Secretary of State Rex Tillerson wanted to resign earlier this year and referred to the president as a “effing moron” at a meeting. Trump tweeted multiple times yesterday, insisting the story was fake. Tillerson decided to hold a press conference at which he denied ever wanting to resign, but did not answer the moron question. That’s got the president’s little thumbs tingling. This morning he again tweeted, “Why isn’t the Senate Intel Committee looking into the fake news networks in our country to see why so much of our news is just made up, fake!” I guess he’s moved on from Puerto Rico and Las Vegas. –Jimmy Kimmel

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

the most depressing animated Christmas special ever was born (Overkill)

Of course Santa is dead, you force a guy to eat a billion cookies in one night, what do you think is going to happen? –Jimmy Kimmel

They found this tomb below the St. Nicholas church in Antalya. They believe the body inside is the fourth-century saint the church is named after, which makes sense. One of the archaeologists said, “We will reach the ground and maybe find the untouched body of St. Nicholas” – and thus the most depressing animated Christmas special ever was born. –Jimmy Kimmel

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

NRA Hotel (Moral Vacancy)

Archaeologists believe they have found the tomb of St. Nicholas beneath an ancient church in Turkey. St. Nicholas, of course, is the basis for the legend of Santa Claus. And they think they found him. Which means now when my son asks me if Santa is real, I can confidently say, “Yes! He is dead though. That’s why you didn’t get that bike.” –James Corden

So this was the closest thing I could find. A group of Turkish archaeologists claimed they’ve uncovered the final resting place of St. Nicholas, Old St. Nick. How do you explain that to kids? “I have some good news about Santa and some bad news. Good news is he was real. Santa is real – and Santa is dead.” –Jimmy Kimmel

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

NRA and congress must wash blood off hands after each gun massacre

Following yesterday’s story that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called Trump a moron, this morning Donald Trump went on a Twitter rant, saying, “This is fake news put out by NBC. Low news and reporting standards.” Now, he may be right about NBC having low standards. They did air 14 seasons of “The Apprentice.” –James Corden

After posting the initial story about Tillerson calling Trump a moron, NBC journalists then shot back, saying that Tillerson actually called him a [bleeping] moron. I take it back about them having low standards. I think this is NBC’s greatest comeback since “Will & Grace.” –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

On the downside, he’s now banned from Victoria’s Secret (NRA Baby Crib)

Google just released a pair of headphones that can translate 40 languages instantly. They say it’s a great way to travel to a new country and find out everyone’s making fun of you. –Jimmy Fallon

A man from Italy just set a Guinness World Record by putting on 13 pairs of underwear in 30 seconds. On the downside, he’s now banned from Victoria’s Secret. –Jimmy Fallon

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

We both have more followers than Beyoncé? (But don't ask why!)

President Trump just overtook Pope Francis as the most followed world leader on Twitter. The Pope couldn’t believe it – he said, “We both have more than Beyoncé? That can’t be right.” –Jimmy Fallon

I guess they could tell Trump passed the Pope when a plume of orange smoke came out of the White House. –Jimmy Fallon

   

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Toons Las Vegas massacre, pt. 7

Toons Las Vegas Massacre, pt. 6

I didn't know there were enough people left to qualify for chaos (Read'em and Weep)

      

Ladies and gentlemen, I have some shocking news. There's chaos in the Trump White House. I didn't know there were enough people left to qualify for chaos. –Stephen Colbert

      

It all started this morning, when NBC News reported that over the summer, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson openly disparaged Trump by referring to him as a "moron" after a meeting at the Pentagon. Hold on there, Rex! Nobody calls our president a moron except me! And other world leaders. And, ultimately, history. –Stephen Colbert

     

Of course, Donald Trump is dealing with huge issues right now — Puerto Rico, Las Vegas, sadly, North Korea — so, naturally, he kept his eye on the ball and let this Tillerson story pass. I'm just kidding! This morning he tweeted, “NBC news is #FakeNews and even more dishonest than CNN. They are a disgrace to good reporting.” What's lovely is that in times of trouble, Donald Trump always is there — for himself. –Stephen Colbert

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

We have white men from 50 different states! (Nineteen percent... of what?)

      

Former first lady Michelle Obama yesterday criticized the lack of diversity in Congress. Said Congress, "Not true! We have white men from 50 different states!" –Seth Meyers

  

According to ProPublica, Ivanka and Donald Trump Jr. were on the verge of being indicted for felony fraud in 2012. "But I'm too pretty to go to jail!" said the one who isn't. –Seth Meyers

     

According to a recent report, the price of legal marijuana has dropped by almost 19 percent this year. Said marijuana users, "Nineteen percent... of what?" –Seth Meyers

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans