Assuming the next guy is Dick Cheney (Dad, quit asking me that)

 

"Cuban doctors said today that Fidel Castro is recovering and is in better shape than the next guy. Assuming the next guy is Dick Cheney." --Jay Leno

 "President Bush said he's often asked why we are in Iraq when Saddam Hussein isn't responsible for 9/11. Bush said all his responses are the same -- 'Dad, quit asking me that.'" --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

He gets up to leave the room when Ben-Gay commercials come on (their shortest cover story since January's issue on famous Korean rabbis)

"It's true, John McCain's running mate, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, has revealed that her 17-year-old daughter is pregnant. Palin said, 'We should never have introduced her to John Edwards.'" --Conan O'Brien

"The current issue of Newsweek magazine has a picture of President Bush on the cover with the headline, 'What Bush Got Right.' Yeah, it's true. Newsweek says 'What Bush Got Right' is their shortest cover story since January's issue on famous Korean rabbis." --Conan O'Brien

 

"At a press conference in Kansas the other day President Bush was asked if he had seen 'Brokeback Mountain.' He said, no, he doesn't like westerns where the cowboys go into town for a day spa. George W. Bush is an old fashioned guy. He gets up to leave the room when Ben-Gay commercials come on." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Some of my best friends' gardeners are middle class (and he was briefly married to Liza Minnelli)

May 2012

"Scientists at NASA say the asteroids are dangerously aligned with the earth's orbit and are large enough to enter our atmosphere without breaking apart. But they also say we shouldn't panic. You know, if you didn't want us to panic, maybe you shouldn't have put out a press release saying there were 4,700 asteroids hurtling toward the earth." –Jimmy Kimmel

"During a speech in Ohio, Joe Biden criticized Republicans for not understanding the middle class. In response, Mitt Romney was like, 'That's ridiculous. Some of my best friends' gardeners are middle class." –Jimmy Fallon

"Newsweek magazine has President Obama on the cover this week, calling him the first gay president. Actually, that's not true. Historians say that James Buchanan was probably our first gay president. He was a bachelor, he lived for 15 years with an Alabama senator, and he was briefly married to Liza Minnelli." –Jay Leno

"JPMorgan lost $3 billion in their first quarter and today they lost yet another $1 billion. Turns out they bet on the Lakers. I don't know what JPMorgan is doing. They announced today they are moving their entire headquarters to Greece." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Apparently, the new Newsweek editor is a 3rd grade bully (On a scale of 1 to 10, how focused are you?)

May 2012

"Earlier today President Obama went on 'The View.' He went on 'The View' because they're the only group of women the president trusts his Secret Service agents to be around." –Conan O'Brien

"The new Newsweek has President Obama on the cover with a headline, “The First Gay President.” Apparently, the new Newsweek editor is a 3rd grade bully." –Conan O'Brien

"As of Friday you'll all be able to buy shares of Facebook. This is perfect for anyone who's ever logged on, looked at pictures of their friend eating a sandwich, and thought, 'Now there's a sound investment.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

There's only one raging queen in our household, and it's not me (Show Me Your Papers)

August 2011

"Newsweek is taking heat for calling Michele Bachmann 'The Queen of Rage.' Michele says, 'There's only one raging queen in our household, and it's not me.'" –Conan O'Brien

"New reports say that President Obama's re-election team is going to try to portray Mitt Romney as 'weird.' They're also going to try to portray Michele Bachmann as 'Michele Bachmann.'" –Conan O'Brien  

"Arnold Schwarzenegger was seen wearing a t-shirt that said, 'I Survived Maria.' Maria Shriver was seen wearing a shirt that said, 'I Survived 'Twins.' 'End of Days' and 'Jingle All the Way.'" –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

By then I should be over international waters (That's what her words are for)

August 2011

"Standard & Poor’s has downgraded us from AAA to AA+. We have to take a note home and have our parents sign it. Don’t pull anything out of the stock market until 12:45 tomorrow. By then I should be over international waters." –Stephen Colbert

"If the Lord can turn water into wine, surely he can turn debt into wine – which is good, because we're gonna need a drink." –Stephen Colbert

"Newsweek used a photo to make Michele Bachmann appear crazy. That's what her words are for." –Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

track them down, find out where they're hiding and then sell them our seaports (Dick Cheney returned fire)

"According to Newsweek, 73 percent of Americans can't say why we fought the Cold War. This sounds bad until you consider that no one in the Obama White House can tell us why we're fighting the Libya war." –Jay Leno

"We know more about President Obama's basketball picks than his plans for Libya." –Jay Leno

"More bad news from President Bush. Remember those rebate checks from a few months ago? He wants them back. We need to give that money to rich people on Wall Street. They need it more than you do." --Jay Leno

"President Bush said today his plan to fight terrorism is simple and straightforward -- go after the evildoers, track them down, find out where they're hiding and then sell them our seaports." --Jay Leno

"Actually, one awkward moment today in Washington. During the 21-gun salute, Dick Cheney returned fire." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

When it comes to buying an elected official... (Members of congress for sale)

President Bush says he is still angry at Newsweek magazine for a story they ran about the army interrogators flushing a Koran down the toilet. President Bush is furious. Newsweek is angry as well and wants to know who read the story to President Bush. --Conan O’Brien 5/19/2005

This week the Supreme Court upheld upheld a rule that allows consumers to buy wine over the internet if you're over 21. But don't worry if you're under 21 you can still get wine from Michael Jackson. --Conan O’Brien 5/19/2005

Yesterday of voters in Los Angeles elected a new mayor Antonio Villaraigosa. Voters admitted that they only voted for Villaraigosa because they want to hear Arnold Schwarzenegger pronounce it. --Conan O’Brien 5/19/2005

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Doesn't he sound like he would be a dancer at a bondage theme nightclub? (cutting down on wasteful spending?)

"The chairman of the Republican National Committee, Michael Steele – you probably heard about this – he got in a lot of trouble. I guess they dropped over $2,000 to staffers at a topless bondage theme nightclub right here in Hollywood. And what's the Republicans' big issue right now? Isn't it – oh, yeah – cutting down on wasteful spending?" –Jay Leno

"Michael Steele. Doesn't he sound like he would be a dancer at a bondage theme nightclub?" –Jay Leno

"Well, according to 'Newsweek,' the FBI now says Osama bin Laden is healthy and giving the orders once again for al Qaeda. Today, Republicans blamed it on the new healthcare bill." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You know the way most ex-cons actually get jobs? (They get re-elected)

"Newsweek magazine reports that the reason there are so many of these pirate hijackings is that the shipping companies have decided it's cheaper just to pay a ransom than to change the shipping route to sail out of the pirates' way. So even though these are evil crooks, we give them the money anyway. It's the same way the bank bailout works." --Jay Leno

"In Philadelphia, a government program offering a $10,000 tax credit to any business hiring an ex-con had no takers. In fact, you know the way most ex-cons actually get jobs? They get re-elected." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Jimmy Dore: Newsweek's Epic Fail In Attempt To Smear Bernie Voters

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller
coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of

Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984. http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Apparently, he chose to marry outside the family (small hometown in Tennessee)

"Fred Thompson was 17 when he first got married, which caused a huge scandal in his small hometown in Tennessee. Apparently, he chose to marry outside the family." --Jay Leno

"Well you know Newsweek has a big cover story on Fred Thompson's presidential campaign. You learn a lot about him. For example, he used to work at NBC, so apparently he knows how to deal with disasters." --Jay Leno

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

What Bush Got Right (Korean rabbis)

"This Thursday, Barack Obama is gonna give his acceptance speech, and reportedly it's going to include performances by Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen. Yeah. And they say Obama's not black enough!" --Conan O'Brien



"Tomorrow night at the Democratic Convention to show her support for Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton is going to give a speech. Everyone's waiting to hear what she says, yeah. Hillary's speech is entitled, 'Forget All Those Things I Said During The Primaries.'" --Conan O'Brien



"The current issue of Newsweek magazine has a picture of President Bush on the cover with the headline, 'What Bush Got Right.' Yeah, it's true. Newsweek says 'What Bush Got Right' is their shortest cover story since January's issue on famous Korean rabbis." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #JusticeDemocrats

JOKES: Arrest that guy! He clearly hates freedom too! (Miracle Ear)

"Barack Obama is now calling for the Clintons to release all of their tax information. And Newsweek estimates Bill Clinton made between $10 million and $15 million last year for speaking engagements. See, that explains why Hillary hardly ever speaks to him anymore. She can't afford it." --Jay Leno

"Asked why he is still in the race, Mike Huckabee said, 'I have nothing else to do.' So it sounds like he really is running for vice president." --Jay Leno

"Republicans say that John McCain will be good for business. They didn't say what business, but I'm guessing probably the Scooter Store, Doan's Pills, Craftmatic Adjustable Bed, and the Miracle Ear." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Should Bush sit on Cheney's right knee or his left knee?

"President Bush this week said that between going to war and raising twins, he'd pick war. His daughters Jenna and Barbara then sent him a big bag of pretzels for the Super Bowl." —Dennis Miller

"Newsweek magazine says that President Bush is determined not to make the same mistakes as his father did, you know like letting his kids get involved in politics." —Jay Leno

"President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney are scheduled to testify before the 9/11 commission. I guess right now they're finalizing the seating arrangements. Should Bush sit on Cheney's right knee or his left knee?" —Jay Leno

Should Bush sit on Cheney's right knee or his left knee?

"Newsweek magazine says that President Bush is determined not to make the same mistakes as his father did, you know like letting his kids get involved in politics." —Jay Leno

"President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney are scheduled to testify before the 9/11 commission. I guess right now they're finalizing the seating arrangements. Should Bush sit on Cheney's right knee or his left knee?" —Jay Leno

"Did you see President Bush land on the aircraft carrier? President Bush told reporters on the carrier after he landed that the pilot actually let him fly the plane for a little bit. In a related story, Dick Cheney said that he once let President Bush run the country for a few minutes." —Conan O'Brien

It's about small-brained creatures who rise up...

"Newsweek used a photo to make Michele Bachmann appear crazy. That's what her words are for." –Jon Stewart 

"'Rise of the Planet of the Apes' made $54 million this weekend. It's about small-brained creatures who rise up and take over the Earth. First they form political groups called Tea Parties." –Jay Leno



"Sarah Palin now has a second grandchild. Think how many she'd have if the Palins didn't practice abstinence. The kid's name is Grizzly Frances Moosehead Palin." –Jimmy Kimmel



There's only one raging queen in our household, and it's not me

"Newsweek is taking heat for calling Michele Bachmann 'The Queen of Rage.' Michele says, 'There's only one raging queen in our household, and it's not me.'" –Conan O'Brien



"New reports say that President Obama's re-election team is going to try to portray Mitt Romney as 'weird.' They're also going to try to portray Michele Bachmann as 'Michele Bachmann.'" –Conan O'Brien 



"Arnold Schwarzenegger was seen wearing a t-shirt that said, 'I Survived Maria.' Maria Shriver was seen wearing a shirt that said, 'I Survived 'Twins.' 'End of Days' and 'Jingle All the Way.'" –Conan O'Brien