Colorado says it has to find a new nickname (Trump's War on America)

President Trump is also being criticized for his conversation with the president of Mexico, where he called New Hampshire “a drug-infested den.” New Hampshire says it’s furious, while Colorado says it has to find a new nickname. –Jimmy Fallon

ABC is dropping plans for a live musical of “The Little Mermaid” because of budget issues. Also, because nobody can hold their breath underwater for two hours. –Jimmy Fallon

A guy here in New York swims in the Hudson River every week to prove that it's clean. If you want to meet him in person, services are being held on 43rd Street at the Sherwood Funeral Home. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

good-looking chick (radioactive toilet flush)

 

90-year-old golf legend Gary Player was called sexist for referring to a reporter as a good-looking chick. But all was forgiven moments later when Tiger Woods ran him over. —Greg Gutfeld    

A new report shows millions of gallons of radioactive water was released into the Hudson River that flows to New York City. In a related story, Jerry Nadler flushed his toilet. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 
and Orwell’s 1984.”

you found a way to have a parade in New York City that doesn't screw up traffic! (the opposite of a Knicks game)

Fleet Week is when members of the Navy do the bravest thing they’ve ever done: wear all white on the New York City subway. –Jimmy Fallon

One of the events for Fleet Week is the “Parade of Ships” along the Hudson River. That's one more reason we love you guys — you found a way to have a parade in New York City that doesn't screw up traffic! –Jimmy Fallon

Everyone is excited about Fleet Week. All of New York will be applauding people in uniform, or as that's also known, the opposite of a Knicks game. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I have the most possible knees (a man swam all the way across without dissolving)

President Trump will have his first physical exam as president this Friday. That story again, Trump will have his first-ever physical exam on Friday. “It turns out I have two knees. That’s the most. I have the most possible knees.” --Seth Meyers

Today was the 10th anniversary of the Miracle on the Hudson, when a U.S. Airways jet successfully made an emergency landing in the Hudson River. Not to be confused with the Miracle on the East River where a man swam all the way across without dissolving. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yep. That's what we do. (Patience and Wisdom)

A guy here in New York swims in the Hudson River every week to prove that it's clean. If you want to meet him in person, services are being held on 43rd Street at the Sherwood Funeral Home. --Jimmy Fallon

"Yesterday the House of Representatives voted to sue President Obama for abusing his executive powers. Experts are calling this a meaningless political stunt that's a huge waste of taxpayer money, while Congress is saying, 'Yep. That's what we do.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump is trying to impress his new chief of staff, John Kelly, by listing a lot of facts during meetings. They’re all Snapple facts, but still. “Cats have 100 vocal cords.” “Made from the best stuff on Earth.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they didn’t ticket the people they ran over for scuffing up the paint job (FBI Surveillance Van)

“Protests have erupted in America’s major cities and small town, and to show how not brutally violent they are, the police have responded with absolutely brutal violence. It is horrifying that the authorities are beating, gassing and running over peaceful protesters. They’re so out of control, I’m surprised they didn’t ticket the people they ran over for scuffing up the paint job.” —Samantha Bee

“Moreover, abuse in law enforcement is rarely met with accountability. Derek Chauvin, the officer who killed George Floyd, had at least 17 prior complaints against him. I don’t know the right number of complaints it should take to get a police officer fired, but it definitely should not be more than the number of stamps to get a free smoothie at Jamba Juice. And of the more than 2,600 misconduct complaints against Minneapolis police officers since 2012, only 12 resulted in an officer being disciplined.” —Samantha Bee

“There’s a point where you have to ask yourself, can it even be reformed? One bad flight, and you’re like ‘maybe we can make air travel better.’ But if every flight you take ends up in the Hudson River, you might think it’s time to defund Spirit Airlines.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Not to be confused with the Miracle on the East River where a man swam all the way across without dissolving (Crime isn't even illegal!)

Attorney General nominee William Barr said today that it would be a crime for the president to offer someone a pardon in exchange for a promise not to incriminate him. And then, Rudy Giuliani went on CNN to say, "Crime isn't even illegal!" --Seth Meyers

Today was the 10th anniversary of the Miracle on the Hudson, when a U.S. Airways jet successfully made an emergency landing in the Hudson River. Not to be confused with the Miracle on the East River where a man swam all the way across without dissolving. --Seth Meyers

Irish fast-food chain Supermac's won a case against McDonald's today which will prevent McDonald's from using a trademark on the Big Mac, because in Ireland, one out of every three people is named "Big Mac." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Did you say Majestic Caboose? (Sweet. We scored four runs. Awesome)

Apple is close to becoming the first U.S. company worth over $1 trillion. Then Americans looked at their drawers filled with old iPods, and said, "Yep. Seems about right." --Jimmy Fallon

A guy here in New York swims in the Hudson River every week to prove that it's clean. If you want to meet him in person, services are being held on 43rd Street at the Sherwood Funeral Home. --Jimmy Fallon

Last night, the New York Mets lost to the Washington Nationals, 25-4. Or as Mets fans put it, "Sweet. We scored four runs. Awesome." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Here's kind of a philosophical question... (countries you can't see from Alaska)

"They're still calling it a correction. I love this. When CEOs make bad decisions that cause Wall Street to crash, oh, it's called a correction. You know what we should do? Take these people and put them in a correctional institute. That's what we should do." --Jay Leno



"Here's kind of a philosophical question: If a sniper fires a gun in the woods and nobody's around, does Hillary Clinton still hear it?" -- Jay Leno

"John McCain's vice presidential nominee, Sarah Palin, went to the United Nations today for the first time. Yeah, how about that? Up til now, most of her knowledge about foreign countries came from watching the 'Amazing Race.' She met with the presidents of Afghanistan, Colombia and Iraq. She was excited because these are all countries you can't see from Alaska." --Jay Leno



"Sarah Palin says she was very impressed with all of the landmarks in New York City. As they were driving over the Hudson River, she said, 'Wow! Your bridges actually go somewhere!'" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

from now on, all bribe money has to be in a clear plastic bag (Throwback Thursday)

In anticipation of her victory, Hillary Clinton has reportedly planned a fireworks show over the Hudson River for election night. Oh god, remember how excited she got over balloons? What’s she going to do if she sees fireworks? –Seth Meyers

And now, the FBI just released documents from their 2001 probe into Bill Clinton’s pardon of shady billionaire Marc Rich. This is a clear breach of protocol. If the FBI is going to release documents from 2001, you do it on Throwback Thursday. –Stephen Colbert

"This week senators passed a limited ethics bill. It's something congress knows a lot about. Limited ethics. Some of the new rules are pretty tough, like from now on, all bribe money has to be in a clear plastic bag." --Jay Leno

when members of the Navy do the bravest thing they’ve ever done

Fleet Week is when members of the Navy do the bravest thing they’ve ever done: wear all white on the New York City subway. –Jimmy Fallon

One of the events for Fleet Week is the “Parade of Ships” along the Hudson River. That's one more reason we love you guys — you found a way to have a parade in New York City that doesn't screw up traffic! –Jimmy Fallon

A new study found that students who learn without any shoes on get better grades than students who wear shoes. Then the University of Phoenix Online said, “Just think how well you'd learn without PANTS on!" –Jimmy Fallon