Each week he runs down a different NBC executive

"New York City is overrun with rats. We have so many rats that today Mayor Bill de Blasio was on live television asking every citizen here to make sure to have your rat neutered." –David Letterman



"I was very happy to see that our old friend Jay Leno is coming back to television. He's coming back to CNBC and he's got a brand-new show. Jay drives a variety of exotic vehicles, and each week he runs down a different NBC executive." –David Letterman



"Colorado police are worried that children on Halloween might mistakenly eat edible marijuana. Marijuana is legal there and includes candies and baked goods. You can tell if your kid is high if he won't stop asking 'Why?' when you answer his questions, or if he believes he has an imaginary friend." –Jimmy Kimmel