Oh my God. What's labor? (giant owl statues)

"Kate Middleton went into labor this morning in London. When the rest of the royal family heard, they were like, 'Oh my God. What's labor?'" –Jimmy Fallon

Carrie Fisher claims in her upcoming book that she had an affair with Harrison Ford on the set of “Star Wars.” And Jabba the Hutt was like, “You said you don’t date coworkers. What’s the deal?” –Jimmy Fallon

The royal family just announced the name of William and Kate's newborn son, Louis Arthur Charles. I guess they couldn't decide on a royal-sounding name, so they just went with all of them. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's hard enough to hide porn from one wife (Could you f****** not?)

"Isn't it odd how history's greatest monsters have an artistic side? Osama bin Laden was a writer. Hitler was a painter. Justin Bieber is a singer." –Craig Ferguson

"The Navy SEALs found a massive stash of porn in Osama bin Laden's bedroom. Must have been tricky. It's hard enough to hide porn from one wife." –Craig Ferguson

"The CIA is going through the stuff they found in Osama bin Laden's compound, including a diary. I didn't know he had a diary. That is so sweet. They haven't read the diary yet because they can't find the little key to open it up." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

stocks fell so fast, the oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling at CNBC (Buy some spackle!)

May 2022

“Some business news, it’s been a rough couple of months for the economy and I saw that yesterday was the stock market’s worst day in over two years. Yeah, stocks fell so fast, the oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling at CNBC.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Things are so bad, they replaced the stock exchange closing bell with the losing sound from ‘Price is Right.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“The Dow took a drubbing after investors were alarmed by disappointing earnings from Target, Walmart and Lowe’s. There’s only one solution: release the strategic reserve of dads running little errands. Go get some batteries, guys! Buy some spackle! The little bucket — the old one’s probably dried out by now. Just putter around the paint aisle and pick out swatches. She says she wants yellow, but you don’t know which one! Remember, satin shine! It should glow, but not glisten, OK? It should have sheen, but not shimmer. So just buy one can of each. Your country needs you!” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”