stocks fell so fast, the oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling at CNBC (Buy some spackle!)

May 2022

“Some business news, it’s been a rough couple of months for the economy and I saw that yesterday was the stock market’s worst day in over two years. Yeah, stocks fell so fast, the oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling at CNBC.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Things are so bad, they replaced the stock exchange closing bell with the losing sound from ‘Price is Right.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“The Dow took a drubbing after investors were alarmed by disappointing earnings from Target, Walmart and Lowe’s. There’s only one solution: release the strategic reserve of dads running little errands. Go get some batteries, guys! Buy some spackle! The little bucket — the old one’s probably dried out by now. Just putter around the paint aisle and pick out swatches. She says she wants yellow, but you don’t know which one! Remember, satin shine! It should glow, but not glisten, OK? It should have sheen, but not shimmer. So just buy one can of each. Your country needs you!” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the only candidate who is both pro-life and pro-Megadeth (Barack Obama, come on down!)

February 2012

“President Obama is in Los Angeles today hoping to raise millions of dollars — which may be why I saw him in the audience line this morning at ‘The Price Is Right.’ Barack Obama, come on down!” –Conan O'Brien

“A group of Democratic fundraisers is offering a dinner with the president for $35,000. Unfortunately, the only person in America who can afford it is Mitt Romney.” –Conan O’Brien

“Rick Santorum picked up an endorsement from the lead singer of the heavy-metal band Megadeth. Santorum is the only candidate who is both pro-life and pro-Megadeth.” –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

A lie? Probably.

"It's primary season, which thanks to global warming, will soon be our last remaining season." –Stephen Colbert 





"I mean, why would Hillary Clinton run? In the past month, she faced new Benghazi allegations, the return of Monica Lewinsky, Karl Rove speculating on her brain damage and the rumors that she only got into the White House by sleeping with the president. A lie? Probably." –Stephen Colbert

"Fans of 'The Price is Right' got angry at President Obama yesterday because a speech he was giving interrupted the show. So let me fill them in on what they missed: Three people you don't know got called down, and they were extremely happy about it. That's all you missed." –Jimmy Fallon