I've been trying to tell you, those women are all liars, I'm gay (lingerie aisle)

"Enough with this heat. I was sweating like Bill Clinton walking down the lingerie aisle at Lane Bryant." --Jay Leno

"Hey, here's a very strange story. Police in St. Paul, Minnesota have caught the 81-year-old father of U.S. Senator Norm Coleman having sex in the parking lot of a pizza parlor with a 38-year-old woman. God, bless him. 81 years old. Police asked him why he didn't wait 'till he got home. He said 'At my age, I can't take a chance, I have to have it right now.'" --Jay Leno

"And on the CNBC show 'The Big Idea' with Donny Deutsch, Ann Coulter said Bill Clinton was gay. That's what I think she said, it's hard to understand her with that Adam's Apple bobbing up and down all the time. She said 'Bill Clinton is gay' and today Clinton told Hillary 'That's what I've been trying to tell you, those women are all liars, I'm gay'." --Jay Leno

 

Coincidentally, so did Al Gore (apparently, his father's a Democrat)

"This Taylor Hicks. You know who he is? He's the big 'American Idol' winner and he won by 4 million votes more than President Bush won his election. Coincidentally, so did Al Gore." --David Letterman

"Police in St. Paul, Minnesota, caught the 81-year-old father of U.S. Senator Norm Coleman having sex in the parking lot of a pizza parlor with a 38-year-old woman. Senator Coleman is a Republican, but apparently, his father's a Democrat." --Jay Leno

"The leader of Hezbollah is said to be hiding in the Iranian Embassy in Lebanon. President Bush said today he once spent the night there. Then his staff told him, 'No, Mr. President, those were Embassy Suites.'" --Jay Leno