While in New York, we have no idea why our train tracks are on fire (the school band sounded good)

Due to frigid temperatures, railroad tracks in Chicago were set on

fire today in order to keep trains running smoothly. While in New

York, we have no idea why our train tracks are on fire.

--Seth Meyers

A Cleveland mom was arrested this week after a child brought marijuana infused gummy candies to school and shared them with at least 12 other students. Teachers became suspicious when the school band sounded good. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

See, he mispronounces things just like the real president does (You are cheese dip baby)

"Future President Sarah Palin made her first appearance on Fox News yesterday—after signing a multi-year deal with the network. She was a guest on 'The O'Reilly Factor.' Sources say they have not seen Bill O'Reilly that aroused since the time he got to see Dick Cheney change his tube socks." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Last night in Cleveland, there was another debate between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. When it was all said and done, not much changed. Obama is still favored to get the nomination. I think he proved once and for all that he really does have what it takes to be president of these United States [on screen: Obama mispronouncing 'Massachusetts' twice]. See, he mispronounces things just like the real president does [on screen: Pres. Bush mispronouncing 'peninsula']." --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the burritos are conveniently wrapped in divorce papers (Teachers became suspicious when the school band sounded good)

Astronomers reportedly discovered 60 new planets near our solar system. “How are the schools?” asked Melania. –Seth Meyers

Taco Bell has announced plans to offer a $600 wedding service at its flagship restaurant in Las Vegas. And this is cool — the burritos are conveniently wrapped in divorce papers. –Seth Meyers

And finally, a Cleveland mom was arrested this week after a child brought marijuana-infused gummy candies to school and shared them with at least 12 other students. Teachers became suspicious when the school band sounded good. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What a confusing time to be a pirate (Pence dispenser)

"The Sarasota Republican party has named Donald Trump its statesman of the year. If there's one word I'd think of to describe Trump, it's 'statesman-like.' And if there were four words, they would be 'not at all statesman-like.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

Apparently Trump was unsure about the guy he was choosing for vice president all the way down to the wire. They say he wanted to dump Gov. Mike Pence at midnight the night before the announcement — which would have made him a Pence dispenser. –Jimmy Kimmel

A number of key Republicans are skipping the convention. Jeb Bush, instead of traveling to Cleveland, spent the night home crying. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Teachers became suspicious when the school band sounded good (America in two headlines)

59 new emojis will be available this fall, including a wheelchair and a flamingo, which is perfect if you need to tell someone your flamingo has been in an accident. --Seth Meyers

President Trump will reportedly have lunch with Chris Christie tomorrow. ”Just the salad, please,” said Christie when asked if there was anything on the menu he didn’t want. –Seth Meyers

And finally, a Cleveland mom was arrested this week after a child brought marijuana-infused gummy candies to school and shared them with at least 12 other students. Teachers became suspicious when the school band sounded good. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

we don’t know exactly what happened at that dinner except that nobody ordered latkes (I assume they play in clogs)

November 2022

“We are delighted over the US team’s win over Iran at the World Cup: It was win or go home, and we won, baby! It was a tense and thrilling match and I feel comfortable about the team’s next game opposite the Netherlands. Oh, we can take the Dutch. I assume they play in clogs.” —Stephen Colbert

“Trump’s dinner with Nick Fuentes, a prominent white supremacist, we don’t know exactly what happened at that dinner except that nobody ordered latkes.” —Trevor Noah

“Several Republicans criticized Trump for hosting two neo-Nazis. It’s so funny to watch Republicans try to chastise Trump for hanging out with someone who has the exact same views as him without chastising Trump for having those views.” —Trevor Noah

“It is nice to see Republican officials speak out against Trump for a change, but there tends to be a predictable formula. They get mad for a little while but get back together with him in the end. Trump scandals are basically like Hallmark movies … except Trump never actually changes and becomes a better person.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Don't be coming here with your bullsh*t (Hookers and bribes don't work anymore?)

July 2014

"The Republican National Convention is going to be held in 2016 in Cleveland. They outbid New York City. Cleveland beat New York City. And I'm thinking to myself: Wait a minute, this is not right. Hookers and bribes don't work anymore? What is the problem?" –David Letterman

"According to a new study, the largest producer of oil is now the United States. So you know what that means – any day now we'll be invading ourselves." –David Letterman

"On this date in 1804, Aaron Burr had a duel with Vice President Alexander Hamilton. Aaron Burr killed Alexander Hamilton and got off scot-free. Later he was convicted for stealing sports memorabilia." –David Letterman

"North Korea is negotiating to broadcast the Teletubbies. They have to make changes for North Korean TV. For starters, every episode will end with one of the Teletubbies being executed." –Craig Ferguson

"And, of course, every Teletubby will have Kim Jong Un's haircut." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which is perfect if you need to tell someone your flamingo has been in an accident (Or six minutes)

59 new emojis will be available this fall, including a wheelchair and a flamingo, which is perfect if you need to tell someone your flamingo has been in an accident. --Seth Meyers

According to a new survey, men tend to wait over six months before passing gas in front of their significant other. "Or six minutes," said Melania. --Seth Meyers

And finally, a Cleveland mom was arrested this week after a child brought marijuana-infused gummy candies to school and shared them with at least 12 other students. Teachers became suspicious when the school band sounded good. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He can now order his steroids by email (two extra hands)

Last night Britney Spears manager canceled Britney's concert in Cleveland because she got sick. And by sick he means there was a problem with the playback machine. --Conan O’Brien 4/2/2004

This week the San Francisco Giants announced that their ballpark is now a Wi-Fi hotspot and as a result fans can connect to the internet from anywhere in the stadium. Even better Barry Bonds can now order his steroids by email. --Conan O’Brien 4/2/2004

In the papers it's been reported that a woman in China who went in for a breast enlargement surgery ended up with two extra breasts. In a related story her husband wants to have surgery to give him two extra hands. --Conan O’Brien 4/2/2004

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

strategies for getting out of Cleveland (Global Booty)

"Earlier today, President Bush hosted a town meeting style event in Cleveland. During the event, Bush discussed strategies for getting out of Iraq, and strategies for getting out of Cleveland." --Conan O'Brien

"The other day Senator Hillary Clinton returned to her old stomping ground in Arkansas for a political event, yeah, she went back home. Hillary said for old times sake, she stopped by the Governor's mansion and tore him a new one." --Conan O'Brien

"President Clinton has a new book coming out next month, that's right. And he says in this book 'I've done my best to demonstrate what I've seen firsthand around the world.' That's right. Which explains why the book is called 'Global Booty.'" --Conan O'Brien

      

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster, soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984. http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Applicants should be comfortable with Word, Excel, and gay sex in the men's room

"Senator Larry Craig, who by the way, he's still around. Senator Larry Craig has announced that he's accepting applications for a summer internship. That's true. Applicants should be comfortable with Word, Excel, and gay sex in the men's room." --Conan O'Brien

"Last night in Cleveland, another debate between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. When it was all said and done, not much changed. Obama is still favored to get the nomination. I think he proved once and for all that he really does have what it takes to be president of these United States [on screen: Obama mispronouncing 'Massachusetts' twice]. See, he mispronounces things just like the real president does [on screen: Pres. Bush mispronouncing 'peninsula']." --Jimmy Kimmel

"And not only did Barack Obama show he can be president, he also showed that he has what it takes to be married to Nick Lachey [on screen: Jessica Simpson mispronouncing 'Massachusetts' in a variety of ways]. I miss her. I miss them together. I think she'd make a great secretary of state." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

the most exciting thing that ever happened in Cleveland (Shroud of Turin)

"And speaking of that, President Bush said today that he is very concerned about the acceleration of hostilities in the former Yugoslavia. See, again, I don't think President Bush is really familiar with this region of the world. Like, he said today that violence in Serbia could spread to Suburbia and claim the lives of millions of Suburbanites." --Jay Leno

"British scientists are now conducting new tests on the Shroud of Turin. They're trying to pinpoint exactly how old it is. They say if these tests are successful, one day they might be able too determine the exact age of John McCain." --Jay Leno

"Tonight in Cleveland, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are debating one another for the 20th time. Yeah, experts are calling it redundant, unnecessary, and the most exciting thing that ever happened in Cleveland." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html