When one of us is under attack, we're all under attack (What do I have to do?)

This is really weird, in Germany a woman who recently won a beauty pageant just admitted she used to be a man. Which explains why her talent for the pageant was hiding her testicles. --Conan O’Brien 7/13/2005

For the second year in a row, Johnny Depp has been named Forbes magazine’s Most Overpaid Actor. After hearing this, Nicolas Cage said, “What do I have to do?” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

she’s now co-starring in the next Nicolas Cage movie (New York values)

At last week’s Republican debate, Ted Cruz accused Donald Trump of having "New York values." Trump said that’s ridiculous, then, overcharged Cruz for a bagel. –Conan O’Brien

"The royal family has reportedly burned through its money and is now strapped for cash. In fact, Queen Elizabeth needs money so badly she’s now co-starring in the next Nicolas Cage movie." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Super Bowl Champions Eventually. Someday. Maybe. Who Knows? (we all know it was totally Nicolas Cage)

This morning, President Trump told reporters that the planned meeting with Kim Jong Un "may not work out," adding, "If it doesn't happen, maybe it will happen later." They made a commemorative coin for something that may not happen. That's like the Cleveland Browns making rings that say, "Super Bowl Champions Eventually. Someday. Maybe. Who Knows?" --James Corden

A postcard believed to have been sent by infamous serial killer Jack the Ripper has just sold at auction for $30,000. Well, $30,000 plus an extra $0.45 for postage. Paying $30,000 for a serial killer's note! This is by far the most expensive way to have your friends ask you, "Hey man, are you okay?" The buyer of the postcard was not identified, but I think we all know it was totally Nicolas Cage. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Weekend Update: Get in the Cage with Nicolas Cage and Paul Rudd - SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

That sounds about right (Rat Orgy, Delaware)

A new survey lists the best city to live in in America is Boise, Idaho. While the worst city was once again Rat Orgy, Delaware. --Colin Jost, SNL

And this Monday is tax day. So if you haven’t paid any taxes yet, you’re Amazon. --Colin Jost, SNL

It was reported that Nicolas Cage is filing for an annulment four days after getting married in Las Vegas. Read all about it in this month’s issue of “That sounds about right.” --Colin Jost, SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She needs money so badly she’s now co-starring in the next Nicolas Cage movie (Hey man, that’s the key to every party)

Chase bank ATMs are getting a new feature that will allow

customers to withdraw cash without using a card. The feature

is called "a crowbar." –Conan O’Brien

An analyst for Time magazine says the key to the survival of the Republican Party is bringing in young women. When told this, Bill Clinton said, "Hey man, that’s the key to every party." –Conan O’Brien

"The royal family has reportedly burned through its money and is now strapped for cash. In fact, Queen Elizabeth needs money so badly she’s now co-starring in the next Nicolas Cage movie." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump admitted he made the choice on an empty stomach (What do I have to do?)

For his secretary of labor, President-elect Trump has picked an executive from the fast food restaurants Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s. Afterwards, Trump admitted he made the choice on an empty stomach. –Conan O’Brien

Everyone’s OK, but this morning, a 6.5-magnitude earthquake hit California’s prime marijuana-growing county. Authorities swept the area, urging residents to remain even calmer. –Conan O’Brien

For the second year in a row, Johnny Depp has been named Forbes magazine’s Most Overpaid Actor. After hearing this, Nicolas Cage said, “What do I have to do?” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey man, that’s the key to every party (those two are known as "the spectrum")

"The royal family has reportedly burned through its money and is now strapped for cash. In fact, Queen Elizabeth needs money so badly she’s now co-starring in the next Nicolas Cage movie." –Conan O’Brien

An analyst for Time magazine says the key to the survival of the Republican Party is bringing in young women. When told this, Bill Clinton said, "Hey man, that’s the key to every party." –Conan O’Brien

"In anticipation of the Winter Olympics, a female curling champion released some sexy photos of herself curling in lingerie. When asked for comment, Americans said they're still not going to watch curling." –Conan O'Brien

Today, Leonardo DiCaprio met with Pope Francis. In terms of number of sexual partners, those two are known as "the spectrum". –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump admitted he made the choice on an empty stomach (What's the only job worse than disposing of nuclear waste?)

For his secretary of labor, President-elect Donald Trump has picked an executive from the fast food restaurants Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s. Afterwards, Trump admitted he made the choice on an empty stomach. –Conan O’Brien

For the second year in a row, Johnny Depp has been named Forbes magazine’s Most Overpaid Actor. After hearing this, Nicolas Cage said, “What do I have to do?” –Conan O’Brien

According to MSNBC Britney Spears recently hired a person to keep an eye on Kevin Federline 24 hours a day. Which answers the question: what's the only job worse than disposing of nuclear waste. --Conan O’Brien 5/4/2006

The World Series starts this week. In an interview New York mayor Rudy Giuliani picked the Yankees in 7. And George W. Bush picked the Mets in 8. --Conan O’Brien 10/19/2000

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And you know what they say if you get hit with an avocado: You’re toast. (He lost a pig? When did that happen?)

April 2022

“There is a bizarre court transcript from a New York civil suit against Donald Trump for inciting violence against protesters outside Trump Tower in 2015. OK, first of all, it’s crazy that there are so many Trump scandals that he’s literally getting dragged into court for something we didn’t know was a thing. Nobody knew about this! I didn’t. Trump lawsuits are like Nicolas Cage movies – there’s a bunch where you’re like, ‘He lost a pig? When did that happen?’” —Trevor Noah

“In newly released excerpts from a deposition taken last year, former President Trump said that he was worried that protesters might throw fruits and vegetables at him. This is just more proof that Trump only thinks in cartoons.” —Seth Meyers

“It’s like the homeland security threat level: red’s tomato, yellow’s for banana, and green is for avocado. And you know what they say if you get hit with an avocado: You’re toast.” —Seth Meyers

“I will say this — he’s not wrong about being hit with a pineapple being dangerous, you know? I mean that’s got spikes built in. And the banana, too. It might not seem dangerous, but remember, someone throws a banana, it comes right back at them.” —Trevor Noah

“You know what I think is the worst fruit to get hit with? A honeydew. Yeah, no, not because it’s hard; just because you can get some of it in your mouth, and that [expletive] is disgusting. I hope it hits me in the head and kills me so I don’t have to taste it.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Queen Elizabeth needs money so badly she’s now co-starring in the next Nicolas Cage movie (that’s just how Irish people dance)

"The royal family has reportedly burned through its money and is now strapped for cash. In fact, Queen Elizabeth needs money so badly she’s now co-starring in the next Nicolas Cage movie." –Conan O’Brien

"A new website just came out that’s designed to calculate how long it takes Mitt Romney to earn your salary. So from now on, whenever Mitt Romney is running late, he can call there and say, 'I'll be there in five teachers.'" –Conan O'Brien

A Fox News host claims he saw Trump adviser Kellyanne Conway get into a fistfight at one of the inaugural balls. However, today it was explained to him that “that’s just how Irish people dance.” –Conan O’Brien

Officials in California are looking for thieves who stole nearly $50,000 worth of bull semen. Sounds like someone’s getting ready to have a pretty crazy Super Bowl party. –Conan O’Brien

"We need rain. Governor Jerry Brown has declared California to be in a state of drought emergency. So ladies, when I ask you to take a shower with me, I'm just trying to conserve water." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Nice shirt, nice shoes, no service (Nicolas Overflow Facility)

February 2014

"The Arizona legislature passed a bill that would allow business owners asserting their religious beliefs to deny service to gay customers. Some businesses have already put up signs that read: 'Nice shirt, nice shoes, no service.'" –Seth Meyers

"While celebrating Canada's defeat over Sweden in men's hockey, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford walked into a fire hydrant, injuring his groin. It's really saying something when this is the least embarrassing thing Rob Ford has done all year. It's almost presidential for Rob Ford."  –Seth Meyers

"A Florida man is running for Congress as a write-in candidate at the age of 101. He has a good chance of appealing to younger voters since that's all there is." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sounds like someone’s getting ready to have a pretty crazy Super Bowl party (the next Nicolas Cage movie)

"The royal family has reportedly burned through its money

and is now strapped for cash. In fact, Queen Elizabeth needs

money so badly she’s now co-starring in the next Nicolas Cage

movie." –Conan O’Brien

Officials in California are looking for thieves who stole nearly $50,000 worth of bull semen. Sounds like someone’s getting ready to have a pretty crazy Super Bowl party. –Conan O’Brien

President Trump announced he will nominate a new Supreme Court Justice sometime next week. Trump said, “I just need a few more days to come up with someone completely unqualified.” –Conan O’Brien

"Olympic gold medalist Carl Lewis says Governor Chris Christie canceled a position for him when he did something Christie didn't like. When asked what he did, Lewis said 'a sit-up.'" –Conan O'Brien

"In anticipation of the Winter Olympics, a female curling champion released some sexy photos of herself curling in lingerie. When asked for comment, Americans said they're still not going to watch curling." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry 

 

she’s now co-starring in the next Nicolas Cage movie (Fluffles)

January 2014

"President Obama’s chief speechwriter said the president started working on his State of the Union address around Thanksgiving. In a related story today, Joe Biden finished GIVING a speech he started around Thanksgiving." –Conan O’Brien

"It’s tradition that one cabinet member does not attend the State of the Union address and is kept in a secret, undisclosed location. So this year the cabinet member will be on a prime-time show on NBC." –Conan O’Brien

"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is in the news. He claims he found a way to bring in $50 million for Toronto. America will pay him to take Justin Bieber back." –Conan O’Brien

"The royal family has reportedly burned through its money and is now strapped for cash. In fact, Queen Elizabeth needs money so badly she’s now co-starring in the next Nicolas Cage movie." –Conan O’Brien

"A petition on the WhiteHouse.gov website asks the U.S. to deport Justin Bieber. If they get 100,000 signatures, the White House has to respond. They already have 87,000. The Canadian military is scrambling jets and mobilizing troops along the border to make sure this doesn’t happen." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The only way to deal with an unfree world (Then Nicolas Cage said, 'Thanks for the shoes.')

November 2021

"A new study says the average American now weighs 176 pounds. May not sound too bad to you. But the study was conducted at elementary schools." –Conan O'Brien

"Mexico’s new president said his country’s problems with the U.S. aren’t just about drugs and border security. He said it’s really about America’s insistence that Taco Bell is Mexican food." –Conan O’Brien

"A New York City policeman has become world-famous now for a viral pic of him giving a pair of boots to a homeless man. Then Nicolas Cage said, 'Thanks for the shoes.'" –Conan O’Brien

"Today Mitt Romney had lunch with President Obama. It was an awkward moment when the bill came and Obama only offered to pay 47 percent." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

For some reason it co-stars Katherine Heigl (it means you have completely missed the point)

February 2012

“A new report found that Facebook has created more than 450,000 jobs. Unfortunately, photos posted on Facebook have ended 550,000 jobs.” –Jimmy Fallon

“It's the first day of Black History Month. So if you're watching me right now, it means you have completely missed the point.” –Conan O'Brien

“It's being reported that California needs to raise $3 billion by March. This according to California State Treasurer Nicolas Cage.” –Conan O’Brien

“The government may be legally required to release a video of the Osama bin Laden killing. For some reason it co-stars Katherine Heigl.” –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it will suggest you stop kidding yourself (This according to her vaginas suicide note)

A twenty year old woman in Bangladesh with two uteruses, gave birth to twins twenty-six days after giving birth to her first child. This according to her vaginas suicide note. --Colin Jost, SNL

McDonald’s has announced plans for new digital menus at their drive-thrus that will offer customers suggestions based on what they order. For example, if you order a salad, it will suggest you stop kidding yourself. --Colin Jost, SNL

It was reported that Nicolas Cage is filing for an annulment four days after getting married in Las Vegas. Read all about it this month’s issue of “That sounds about right.” --Colin Jost, SNL

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I think we all know it was totally Nicolas Cage (Well, $30,000 plus an extra $0.45 for postage)

A postcard believed to have been sent by infamous serial killer Jack the Ripper has just sold at auction for $30,000. Well, $30,000 plus an extra $0.45 for postage. Paying $30,000 for a serial killer's note! This is by far the most expensive way to have your friends ask you, "Hey man, are you okay?" The buyer of the postcard was not identified, but I think we all know it was totally Nicolas Cage. --James Corden

The Natural History Museum in England has disqualified a participant in its Wildlife Photographer of the Year competition after determining that a photograph he submitted was staged using a stuffed anteater. So, add "Wildlife Photographer of the Year" to the list of contests with more integrity than the 2016 presidential election. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

one day we will have a movie where Nicolas Cage tries to steal that tweet

The National Archives will showcase all the great pillars of American democracy — the Declaration of Independence, the U.S. Constitution, and the “I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke” tweet. –James Corden

On the bright side, one day we will have a movie where Nicolas Cage tries to steal that tweet. –James Corden

Donald Trump donated the first three months of his presidential salary to the National Park Service. That tremor you just felt was all four presidents on Mount Rushmore rolling their eyes. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JusticeDemocrats #Bernie2020

Who will be working on the choreography?

"The royal family has reportedly burned through its money and is now strapped for cash. In fact, Queen Elizabeth needs money so badly she’s now co-starring in the next Nicolas Cage movie." –Conan O’Brien



"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is in the news. He claims he found a way to bring in $50 million for Toronto. America will pay him to take Justin Bieber back." –Conan O’Brien



"The mayor of Sochi in Russia where they’re having the Olympics says there are no gay people in Sochi. Well, we can’t expect too much from the opening ceremonies then. Who will be working on the choreography?" –David Letterman