NHL: Washington Capitals vs Minnesota Wild

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Arizona Coyotes vs Minnesota Wild

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

NHL: Arizona Coyotes vs Minnesota Wild

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What a great story about a rabbit who took a refreshing nap (You’re gonna try to out-Florida Florida?)

March 2021

“Texas businesses are now completely open and even the mask mandate has been lifted, to which most Texans replied, ’What mask mandate?’” —James Corden

“Corona’s not over yet. I mean, Texas is still getting over 7,000 new cases a day, but their governor got vaccinated and now he’s like, ‘Get those clubs back open — I’ma get lit. Aw yeah!’” —Trevor Noah

“We’re so close to the end of the pandemic, we can see it! Why are these governors letting their guard down? I bet these are the same people who read Tortoise and the Hare and they’re like, ‘What a great story about a rabbit who took a refreshing nap.’” —Trevor Noah

“You know Governor DeSantis from Florida is like: ‘Oh. Oh snap. Oh, oh! You’re gonna try to out-Florida Florida?’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Texans were like, ‘Fix our electrical grid!’ And the governor’s like, ‘OK, no masks it is.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Top Ten Things a Candidate Shouldn't Say During a Presidential Debate (Senior citizens can bite my a**)

 David Letterman's "Top Ten Things a Candidate Shouldn't Say During a Presidential Debate" 

10. Yeah, I killed a guy 

9. 50 states? When did Puerto Rico get in? 

8. Can you repeat the question? I was thinking about cookies 

7. If elected, my cabinet will feature at least three Kardashians 

6. I don't know a damn thing about the economy, but I do know this: Chaz Bono dances like an angel 

5. Can anyone beat Angry Birds, Level 16? I can't kill the pig with the mustache 

4. It's-a-not-so bad, it's-a nice-a place — Ah, shaddup you face 

3. Hey, Republican spelled backwards is 'Nacilbuper' 

2. As my good friend Osama bin Laden once said . . .' 

1. Senior citizens can bite my a**

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Those are nice sneakers, did you make those? (A word to the 1%)

August 2011

"Hurricane Irene wasn't that bad. In fact, it was downgraded to a tropical storm. Even our hurricanes are getting downgraded. Maybe Irene owed money to China too." –Jay Leno

"Over 6 million people were evacuated from New Jersey ahead of the hurricane. And now, three of them have gone back." –Jay Leno

"They had so much rain in New York that a lot of the cabbies had their first shower in years." –Jay Leno

"Vice President Joe Biden has been in China meeting with the Chinese Vice President. One embarrassing moment during the trip when he met the Chinese Vice President's children, he said, 'What factory do you work in? Those are nice sneakers, did you make those?'" –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

So, ladies, prepare to get sent that fact a few thousand times this year (the flaming hot Cheetos incident)

I don't even know if it's about the disease or if it's the city saying, "don't get involved. You don't need that right now.” That's how crazy this pandemic is. We're learning that those weirdos who have sex in leather masks have been the smart ones all along. —Pete Davidson

Also it says the virus is not in semen. So, ladies, prepare to get sent that fact a few thousand times this year.  —Pete Davidson

But the craziest thing is that right after they tell you not to kiss, they immediately get into something so dirty I’m not even allowed to say it on air. So let's call them hiney smoocheroos. Seriously, I can't believe I have to sanitize the language of the health department to make it suitable for the show that brought you "dick in a box.” —Pete Davidson

They also warn you to wash up before masturbating which I already learned the hard way thanks to a flaming hot Cheetos incident. —Pete Davidson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

That’s why Bill Nye, the Science Guy, is more successful than his rival (America cannot have nice things)

“Honestly, I can’t say I blame Elizabeth Warren for dropping out. If there was ever a time you’d want to stop shaking millions of hands, this might be it.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Warren is gone. That’s it. She’s out of the race. Further proof that America cannot have nice things.” — Stephen Colbert

“Last night, President Trump appeared on Fox News and said he has a ‘hunch’ the coronavirus isn’t as bad as health experts say. And, ladies and gentlemen, I have a hunch we’re all gonna die.” — Conan O’Brien

“Science is not based on hunches. That’s why Bill Nye, the Science Guy, is more successful than his rival, Phil Munch, Man of Hunch.” — Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The only way that Trump could be happier with the Mueller Report is... (A word to the 1%)

The only way that Trump could be happier with the Mueller Report is if a porn star rolled it up and spanked him with it. --Jimmy Kimmel

And in music news number one on the college charts this summer was the band Better Than Ezra. At number two, Ezra. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

I was cesarean born. You can't really tell. Although whenever I leave a house I go out through the window. --Steven Wright

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same. --Mitch Hedberg

Good news from the White House. President Bush last week had his annual physical and he passed. He passed his annual physical. No word yet on the mental. --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

A Word to the 1% (Looks like someone is trying to make Vladimir Putin jealous)

Donald Trump announced that he will be meeting with North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un around Valentine’s Day in Vietnam. Looks like someone is trying to make Vladimir Putin jealous. --James Corden

That’s how afraid Trump is of the Russia investigation right now. He’s asking his doctor to write him a note to get into Vietnam. --James Corden

Valentine’s Day is next week and to celebrate Dunkin’ Donuts will be hosting donut themed weddings at a chapel in Las Vegas. The first 100 couples will receive a bouquet made entirely out of donuts. Yeah, this is exactly what Vegas weddings need. More regret. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

scientists conducted the study by looking out a window (A word to the 1%)

Britney Spears wrote a letter to Christina Aguilera in which she says he wants to end their ongoing feud. I'm not sure Britney's letter is gonna work because it starts out “Dear skank.” --Conan O’Brien 1/12/2005

According to a brand-new scientific study that just came out more than 90 percent of the diet plans used by Americans do not work. The American scientists conducted the study by looking out a window. --Conan O’Brien 1/11/2005

Pakistani officials said today that they are close to capturing Osama bin Laden's personal doctor. Not only that they're hot on the trail of his dentist and his Pilates instructor. --Conan O’Brien 3/19/2004

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I'm like, great, now we're outsourcing mistresses (scandals involving governors)

"Did you hear about Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina? He mysteriously disappeared last week and nobody knew where he was. Today, Sanford admitted to having an affair in Argentina. I'm like, great, now we're outsourcing mistresses." --Craig Ferguson

"The past couple of years there have been a whole bunch of scandals involving governors. You know things are bad when the most normal governor of the last decade was Jesse 'The Body' Ventura." --Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

Secular Talk: Jesse Ventura Calls For The Arrest Of Donald Trump

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”