"Earlier today, the
Capitol building in Washington, D.C. was on lock down because someone heard
gunshots coming from the parking lot. When the Capitol police heard this, they
all said the same thing: 'Cheney.'" --Jay Leno
"In what has become
standard procedure in these kind of situations, police conducted a room-by-room
search of the Capitol building. That's just what congressmen want to hear this
week -- a knock at the door and it's the police. They were flushing bribe money
down the toilet. Ted Kennedy was out on the ledge naked." --Jay Leno
"Mexican President
Vicente Fox is in the United States this week. He said he came here so he could
speak directly to the Mexican people one on one. In fact, he was in Sacramento
yesterday addressing our lawmakers. And out of a force of habit, they gave him
a driver's license." --Jay Leno
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