And now if you'll excuse me, I'm getting the f**k out of here.

"A few weeks after U.S. troops dropped two 500-pound surprises on al-Zarqawi, the White House dropped a 190-pound surprise on U.S. troops in the form of a presidential visit. Said the Iraqi prime minister to the president, 'If I knew you were coming, I'd have built an infrastructure.'" --Jon Stewart

"The president was in Baghdad for five hours. The first fifteen minutes were spent with the new prime minister, then a quick power nap to sleep off jet lag. That took two hours. Quick chat with the troops, judged a local humus cook-off and then with an international flight, you kind of want to get to the airport two hours ahead. You got the check-in, security, duty free shopping. He picked up a bottle of perfume for Laura -- Ahmed Chalabi's 'Desperation.' It's an intoxicating blend of Sunni and Shiite aroma -- smells awful. Just his being there for five hours makes a statement. It told the Iraqi people, 'I'm with you. I stand behind you. And now if you'll excuse me, I'm getting the f**k out of here.'" --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry