"The president was in
Baghdad for five hours. The first fifteen minutes were spent with the new prime
minister, then a quick power nap to sleep off jet lag. That took two hours.
Quick chat with the troops, judged a local humus cook-off and then with an
international flight, you kind of want to get to the airport two hours ahead.
You got the check-in, security, duty free shopping. He picked up a bottle of
perfume for Laura -- Ahmed Chalabi's 'Desperation.' It's an intoxicating blend
of Sunni and Shiite aroma -- smells awful. Just his being there for five hours
makes a statement. It told the Iraqi people, 'I'm with you. I stand behind you.
And now if you'll excuse me, I'm getting the f**k out of here.'" --Daily
Show correspondent Rob Corddry
"President Bush was
in Austria yesterday. You know, I think he's confused. He's not good on
geography. On his way to Austria, he told Dick Cheney he'd bring him back a
boomerang." --Jay Leno
"Congressman Patrick
Kennedy left rehab and returned to Rhode Island. Unfortunately, on his way back
he hit Massachusetts, Connecticut and New Hampshire." --Conan O'Brien
"We are very proud
here in California. Highest gas prices in the nation are in San Diego at an
average of $3.40 a gallon. This is especially tough on illegal immigrants. Do
you know how hard it is to hide in the trunk of a hybrid car?" --Jay Leno
