How would you like it if I signed your … subpoenas? (backhanded compliments)

President Trump visited Elvis Presley’s Graceland mansion in Memphis, Tennessee, where he signed a guitar with a Sharpie. “I’m sorry, you can’t sign someone else’s guitar. How would you like it if I signed your … subpoenas?” —Seth Meyers

At a roundtable event while he was in Memphis, Trump praised the FBI director, Kash Patel, and said: “Once you get to know him, he’s a wonderful guy.” Man, Trump is the master of the backhanded compliment. [Meyers as Trump]: “Kash Patel, when you first meet him, he’s the worst, just awful, but then you get used to him, you know like when you break your arm and have to wear a cast.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's your patriotic duty to go bankrupt (The other 15% work for the Bush White House)

 

"According to a survey in this week's Time magazine, 85% of Americans think global warming is happening. The other 15% work for the Bush White House." --Jay Leno

"Earlier today President Bush took Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi to Graceland. The prime minister is a huge Elvis fan. There was one embarrassing moment when President Bush made the Japanese prime minister promise that when he visits Japan, he will take him to the Godzilla museum." --Jay Leno

 

"I'm surprised that Jessica Simpson is distancing herself from the president. I mean they have a lot in common: They're both from Texas, they're both under constant press scrutiny and they both have no clue about what's going on in Iraq." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a large percentage of my audience is terrorists (tequila of mass destruction)

"Every time the president comes up with a new secret tactic to down al Qaeda, the media blows its cover: torture, monitoring our phone calls, monitoring our e-mails, secret prisons. All perfectly reasonable temporary concessions of freedom that will only be in effect as long as our never-ending war on terror. Well last week, the New York Times did it again folks. Now, I don't want to give to much information away on what they revealed, because a large percentage of my audience is terrorists." --Stephen Colbert

"Earlier today President Bush took Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi to Graceland. The prime minister is a huge Elvis fan. There was one embarrassing moment when President Bush made the Japanese prime minister promise that when he visits Japan, he will take him to the Godzilla museum." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is sending troops to the Mexican border. He's going to have them look for tequila of mass destruction." --David Letterman

missiles that could reach Graceland (Sound familiar?)

"The Japanese Prime Minister joined the United States in condemning North Korea's missile policy. The Japanese Prime Minister was really upset when he found out they had missiles that could reach Graceland." --Jay Leno

"President Bush said, "You can't take millions of people with deep roots in the country and send them across the border." Really? Mexico did it." --Jay Leno

"President Bush said that these troops will be at the border temporarily. You know, just until Mexico is ready to govern itself. Sound familiar?" --Jay Leno

"Today was Dan Rather's last day at CBS. He turned in his letter of resignation, which later turned out to be a forgery." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is proposing sending six thousands National Guard troops to bolster patrols along the U.S.-Mexican border. Or as he's calling it, "No Juan Left Behind." --Jay Leno

I'm in a Million Little Pieces (artificial timelines)

"The Fox network has a brand new show on Sunday nights. It's called, 'When Presidents Attack.' Did you see that? Former President Clinton lashed out at reporter Chris Wallace the other night on Fox News. When questioned about Osama bin Laden, Clinton said he tried to kill bin Laden. I believe him, but we all know what bad aim Clinton has." --Jay Leno

"The Japanese Prime Minister joined the United States in condemning North Korea's missile policy. The Japanese Prime Minister was really upset when he found out they had missiles that could reach Graceland." --Jay Leno 

"I think al-Zarqawi knew what his fate was going to be, like today they released his autobiography. Coincidentally it's called, 'I'm in a Million Little Pieces.'" --Jay Leno

Because I'm the Vice President and You're Not (Godzilla museum)

"Earlier today President Bush took Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi to Graceland. The prime minister is a huge Elvis fan. There was one embarrassing moment when President Bush made the Japanese prime minister promise that when he visits Japan, he will take him to the Godzilla museum." --Jay Leno 

"This week Geraldo Rivera went to Philadelphia to investigate what he says was a plot to kill him. So far, Geraldo has narrowed down the suspects to anyone who owns a television." --Conan O'Brien

"Enron's president, Ken Lay, passed away last week. So I guess even God lost money on that Enron deal. I believe the official cause of death was listed as 'karma.' The family asked in lieu of flowers, please send some elderly retiree's entire life savings." --Jay Leno

tensions are so high that it's almost like Hillary is married to him (Godzilla museum)

"Earlier today President Bush took Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi to Graceland. The prime minister is a huge Elvis fan. There was one embarrassing moment when President Bush made the Japanese prime minister promise that when he visits Japan, he will take him to the Godzilla museum." --Jay Leno

"How about the weather in Washington? Oh my God. The rain, or as they're calling it, Al Gore's revenge." --Jay Leno

"A lot of political gossip out there. Looks like there's problems in the Democratic ranks. It seems tensions between Hillary Clinton and Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid are reportedly so high that it's almost like Hillary is married to him." --Jay Leno

they had missiles that could reach Graceland (Boy, that Saddam is sneaky)

"We finally found some weapons of mass destruction. The bad news? They're in North Korea. Boy, that Saddam is sneaky." --Jay Leno

"The Japanese Prime Minister joined the United States in condemning North Korea's missile policy. The Japanese Prime Minister was really upset when he found out they had missiles that could reach Graceland." --Jay Leno

"They said these North Korean missiles had enough range to hit Seattle, but residents in Seattle were not worried. Today Bill Gates said Microsoft has enough missiles to destroy North Korea ten times over." --Jay Leno

"Just about now Ken Lay should be arriving in hell." --David Letterman